DH playing football on birthday

The birthday football isn’t really the issue.
It sounds like you have given up all “your” things, and feel worse as result, and he’s kept all his stuff and expects you to lump it, even on the day of a family occasion.
I expect he really enjoys playing football, gets to socialise and gets a sense of personal fulfilment from it. At the moment there isn’t anything in your life that does that for you.
Honestly it sounds like you could use a councillor or someone to talk to about the termination, but aside from that you need to carve out some time to feel like yourself again, or you’ll end up resenting the football far more

Him going to play football I wouldn’t be bothered about. You having to stand there for 2 hours with two small children - absolutely no way. That can go and get stuffed.

@arethereanyleftatall

You’re wrong - i stated in my others posts - BOTH parents should be able to have time away from the kids to exercise! And hobbies too 😀

Sweetheart, @sadtired2 you have so much on your plate atm.

the birthday is the last straw for you I think.

its a symptom not the cause.

i think your H does need to stay home with you atm, this termination is clearly weighing heavily on you, and him too tbh, but you need to be together on this.

the 1yo birthday is irrelevant I think, but it’s the focal point of your anger at everything else.

I also think perhaps you’re all trying to do too much. Softplay, watch his footy, then your parents.

if the compromise is that he does football, then can you not just go ahead to your family and spend time with the kids while he plays, and he come after? Then he can stay for a cuppa and then you all go back home mid afternoon?

and the other thing, getting something to do for just you will really help you, so see if you can get the facial back, or the Pilates, just getting some me time back will really help to lift your spirits

I understand you have to get this termination done, but once that’s done, book something for you to do for yourself as a routine. He needs to step up and do more bedtimes than once a week or the odd nappy here and there

you’re not well atm, you need at the very least, that he does his half of the work

it won’t always be like this love, but you do have some options to improve the situation for yourself. Dont compromise on that.

this is advice from a now pretty aged mum to an almost 21yo, I’ve survived crushing depression and hideous relationships and have come out the other side stronger than ever. If I can do this, I damned well now that you absolutely can. Keep strong love. You got this.

For lots of people this wouldn't be a big deal but I think he is being selfish. My dh can be a selfish arse but no way would he have pissed off on our dc's first birthday. And that was 30+ years ago, when men had more of a free pass around this sort of stuff.

Well obviously they should. They don’t though. That’s the point.

Can't say it would be on mine either.

Read the OP carefully. Read the thread. It’s not really about the football.

I wish I could play football on my birthday, I will be 68

The point being?

It’s not the husband’s birthday.

I think others have summarised the important points:

that ypu need some consultation before signing up for weekly football etc

that you need something for yourself as respite from the intensity of raising small children

that no one needs to go watch a grown man play a sport unless they enjoy it

that this is a dreadful week for you both and that counselling might be advisable

and that there is a consistent inequity of parenting responsibility.

We do need to take care of ourselves because really, no one else is going to.

One thing I noticed friends of mine doing was that they sat together every Sunday afternoon when the children were young and compared their calendars for work and family obligations and discussed who could do what, who could take time off from family life and when, and if someone had to change their plan they also had to find a workable solution to it rather than making it the other partner’s problem. They really worked as a team.

I will be thinking about you this week, and wishing you well. Letting go of a life goes against all our human and mothering instincts and is not a decision taken lightly. Even for those who feel it really is the best course of action, I suspect it is often traumatic. I wish you health and that you allow space for grieving.

Forcing change, or trying to, just results in the woman being called controlling/nagging/whatever and the issues escalating. Selfish men don’t tend to change from what I can gather.

You don’t have to go to the gym to exercise.

For one day, most parents would choose to prioritise their DC and do an activity which includes exercise and the birthday child.

At the very least, they would choose to go to the gym earlier morning or late, not also bang in the middle of the day.

If OP also went to a club on the same it would mean half the day gone.

This man is selfish.

@Contain4

most people don’t have the right equipment to be able to strength train at home. And walking is ok but needs in be done in addition to other exercise like strength training

You don’t need to strength train everyday.
You can do body weight exercises for one day.

But even if you have to go to the gym then go early morning or late evening.

If OP did the same as him that’s 4 hours in the middle of their child’s birthday.

It’s completely selfish.

I'd tell him he can go to football and take the kids with him and see how that goes.

I think most of us could manage to schedule it in such a way that it doesn't interfere with family celebrations or even, you know, skip it that one day. Unless you're a professional athlete, missing a day for your kid's birthday is unlikely to impact your fitness or mental health in an overly detrimental way.

And the issues here are larger issues around support and partnership.

It's. One. Day.

FFS

Why can't you both go to soft play in the morning then you go to your parents and he plays football and joins you after the game?

@sadtired2 This is far bigger than him playing football today. You're unhappy and you need support, plus time for yourself. Can you talk to your Mum or a close friend about it?