DH playing football on birthday

If people realise this why are they saying it’s not a big deal and he should go and play? Why are posters discussing how boring or otherwise football is? A simple reading of the opening post makes it clear there is way more going on than football, and yet poster after poster is saying the child won’t know it’s their birthday - when is bloody obvious the mother will know it’s the weekend before her termination after a year of ppd.

Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a mess you focus on the detail and you may post about a detail - those of us not in the middle, those of us who aren’t drowning may be able to see the bigger picture and lend a hand. Apparently, not for some people.

Christ on a bike, he is a selfish, selfish man, playing football three times a week while his wife does all the work.

I appreciate it but no I completely agree.

It’s literally 1 day out of the year that he can’t put himself at the top of the pecking order.

It’s one thing that it’s his child’s first birthday (and no one wants to stand in a field watching him play on their birthday) but also that OP needs a bit of extra support and love right now and all he can think about is himself.

He is an incredibly selfish man.

Also 6.30 is a ridiculous bedtime.

I was actually in shock, who goes and plays football on their child’s birthday?

In shock? I don’t play football, but if I did, I would do it on my child’s birthday. I went to the gym on both my children’s birthdays this year. They survived, and they are both old enough to know what a birthday is.

If the issue is his frequent football playing in general (and 2 nights a week plus a weekend day is quite a lot with two young children imo) then I’d agree with you. Especially as I assume you don’t get the same amount of free time.

I think it's strange you haven't discussed this in advance as his football is a regular commitment. I'd probably have made plans to celebrate the birthday on the Saturday instead (assuming everyone is free on Saturdays of course). Your one year has no clue it's his birthday and, even if he did, it's no big deal to celebrate on a different day. He'll end up doing that most years anyway assuming parties will happen at the weekend.

As it is I agree with what others have said. You could go to soft play together then he goes to football and you go to your mum's. He can join you there later.

What have you decided to do?

Why on earth does he think you and the kids want to watch him play football? That's the only unreasonable thing here.

In the same way that a one year old has no concept of a birthday, they have no concept of their daddy being a star running around on a football pitch with 21 other men. Nor does a three year old, for that matter. I would never subject my kids to this long stretch of tedium. I've been and supported children (muttering under my breath"another hour of my life I'll never get back") but another adult doesn't need this.

He goes to football three times a week. He can miss one day, his child's birthday.

Everyone saying the kid doesn't know, people should be able to do adult things etc - of course. But not that one day, and a first birthday is also about celebrating your family and making it through that first year.

Yeah that’s what matters in this thread. FFS.
Make sure you stick the boot in to the OP a little bit more. It’s not like she is going through a difficult time having what could be one of the worst weeks of her life. You tell her.

Can’t he go play football and you go to your parents and save him some food for when he gets there?

Isn’t it absolutely obvious from the tone of the op, that this isn’t an equal relationship? Both having equal downtime is obviously absolutely fine if that’s what you’ve decided to do as a couple, but I’ll bet if I read on further from here, the op will spell out (I didn’t think it would be necessary) that she doesn’t get any time.

assuming that op, I wouldn’t be ever watching him play football, and I’d be going out myself instead.

I agree, I don't think you are asking too much. It's not like you're asking him to give up football forever, just to be around on the kids' birthdays because it's important to you, even if the youngest one has no concept of birthdays (does the older one understand yet? If so, DH is sending a bad message to the older child about where his priorities lie).
Also as other posters have said, do you ever get time for yourself? I get the impression that DH thinks he is centre stage while you are a supporting actor in his life (the part about how you should go to watch him play because all the other wives and kids do, as if you don't have other things to do. Maybe I'm wrong though).

I wouldn’t care BUT that’s irrelevant. You do and he needs to take that into consideration.

This completely changes the thread. You said the AIBU was football on a child's birthday and like many others I felt it really wasn't a big deal especially since you hadn't made specific plans. The question is why don't you have time to do anything? Does he refuse to mind his children? If you go out to run an errand and decide to stay out for a coffee or a walk or to meet a friend what happens? If you schedule something and tell him you have plans on Wednesday eve what does he do or say? The assumption here is that he is a lazy selfish man but I think a bit more information is needed. Do you complain when he goes out at night with friends, does he complain when you do? There are women who do not let their partners take over and believe that they have to be slaves to their children 24/7, and then complain about men who don't do the same. Then there are women who want equal time but partners put themselves first all the time, then there are women who are in abusive situations. We really can't tell from the information given so far.

Are you at SAHP?

He obviously sees himself at the top of the pecking order.

Most parents would not go to football/the gym etc on their child’s birthday.

Its one day that they have to put their child first.

But regardless, even those that would prioritise themselves recognise your stressful situation and how you need a bit more support right now.

And him thinking that you want to go and watch him play on your child’s birthday is batshit and frankly verging on narcissism (and I hate when people throw that word about).

@Contain4

a lot of mums and dads actually would have an hour out of the day for the gym on their kids birthday! There are hours and hours in a day - why not? Exercise is a non negotiable we all have to do it very regularly for our mental health and physical health

I absolutely support a woman’s right to choose. Absolutely.
However, it has to be the right choice for you. You need to have a think, perhaps post a separate thread or perhaps not looking at some of these responses. Have a chat with AI or phone a counsellor. I would suggest a conversation with your OH but I’m not sure that would help.

All of these problems are likely down to the arsehole you live with. He is a terrible parent, is nasty to you, selfish, dismissive of you, doesn’t pull his weight and treats you like shit. That would make anyone depressed and lonely. Ltb and likely a load will be lifted off you.

Do you have an unusually advanced 1 year old who understands the idea of birthdays? If not, isn't the birthday kind of for the parents anyway?

@Anothermoomin

right to choose what?

A termination as mentioned in the OP.

Responses like this where you don’t read the thread are so so unhelpful. They might EACH have an hour off, sure. The op NEVER gets even a minute off, as the husband never parents.