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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find one-issue personalities rather tedious to be around?

141 replies

Dovesono · 05/09/2026 21:16

AIBU to think the people who make one aspect of themselves their entire personality are extremely tedious?

(Feeling irritated by someone in my life who does this and wondering whether others have had a similar experience.)

I don't think it really matters what the particular aspect is - whether it's a hobby, one's gender or sexual identity, a sporting ability, being a parent, having had an unusual experience - people who only want to talk about one thing (i.e. themselves) and who bring it up at every available opportunity are invariably very tiresome in my experience.

As an example, I was once queuing for an event with a friend and we got chatting to the people in front of us in the queue. This friend brought up his particular "thing" no fewer than three times, despite the other queuers not knowing him from Adam and clearly being completely uninterested in the occasion when he fell off a horse in 1998.

Or maybe I'm just an misanthropic GOW...

OP posts:
Maureenwasacat · Yesterday 00:09

I have someone on my team that always talks about how young they are. We were at a team building event and he said how sad he was that he never shared the earth with Steve Irwin... Okay?? Being the youngest doesn't last long so better find something else soon!

Abouttoblow · Yesterday 00:09

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Velumental · 05/09/2026 23:51

SweatySpider321 · 05/09/2026 23:49

That’s a reach

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In what way is it a reach? Autistic women especially tend to struggle socially not through lack of wanting social interaction but through others thinking they are weird or disliking them and its traits like this that are cited.

Velumental · 05/09/2026 23:49

Velumental · 05/09/2026 21:22

My 8 yr old, talks incessantly about the history of Nintendo games consoles. He's autistic. Having a n intense special interest, little interest in general conversation and difficulty telling when others are bored of your special interest are strong autistic traits.

I think you maybe just don't like autistic people.

This was meant more tongue in cheek than it came across. However it really is a strong autistic trait and one of the things that generally annoys neurotypical people about autistic people who are otherwise high functioning, it's one of those traits where people would say 'she is so annoying' and if someone says oh she's autistic response would be 'shes not autistic she's just annoying' anyway I'm tired and explaining badoy

SweatySpider321 · 05/09/2026 23:49

Velumental · 05/09/2026 21:22

My 8 yr old, talks incessantly about the history of Nintendo games consoles. He's autistic. Having a n intense special interest, little interest in general conversation and difficulty telling when others are bored of your special interest are strong autistic traits.

I think you maybe just don't like autistic people.

That’s a reach

FancyKitten · 05/09/2026 23:48

AvacadoChic · 05/09/2026 23:01

I had a friend 20 years ago who was reasonably interesting and would talk about a wide range of things. We lost contact when I moved away and since then he has 'become' a woman. We are still Facebook friends and he posts a few times a week. These days, the only things he talks about are things related to being trans. It's like his entire personality has been swallowed up by this all consuming identity. I don't know why he can't be trans and still have other interests.

I have an ex friend like this. She’s a conspiracy theorist. It took over her life during Covid. No pics of her kids back to school or anything on Facebook. Just her sharing YouTube videos etc… The only people who engage are fellow CT, urging us plebs to “wake up”. She has no friends IRL. Just Internet buddies. She was actually a cool person once upon a time…

Velumental · 05/09/2026 23:47

XmasCrackPies · 05/09/2026 23:44

We just watched a Nintendo documentary last night as dd is a fellow Nintendo enthusiast. I found it fascinating. To start from manufacturing playing cards then toys, pasta, and even Love Hotels to a billion dollar video game company is quite impressive.

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My initial comment was meant to be more tongue in cheek than it sounded, both my husband and son monologue about their specialist subjects. The funniest is when my husband is losing his mind on the Nintendo monologue then he starts showing me his ideal coffee brewing set up or the bloody sourdough obsession from a few years ago. I love being monologued at in a way if it's someone I love because I love how happy it makes them However I absolutely tire of it like everyone does.

But yeah the Nintendo thing was fascinating at the start, I'm a few months into it now so I know way too much. Still at least he ran out of pokemon facts to learn so there's that ....

likelysuspect · 05/09/2026 23:46

There was a thread on here the other week about a mum pulling her hair out as her son had come out as a gay and made it his whole personality and she was utterly overwhelmed with it, he did nothing but refer to it all the time and any attempt to shut it down and just remind it just normal and nothing out of the ordinary was met with accusations of not being supportive.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 05/09/2026 23:45

@whatwouldlilacerullodo I said exactly that on another thread and I got the impression I didn’t support other women sufficiently. I find it tedious too and life is too short to listen to this stuff that no one talked about 25 years ago to people they don’t really know. I just try and exit the group!

DierdreDaphne · 05/09/2026 23:45

Didion · 05/09/2026 22:52

A woman I work with makes being a lesbian her entire personality. It comes up in every single conversation we ever have.

Yeah I met a young gay man recently who was very determined that we should know all about his sexuality (and his sexual preferences) and it was basically how he introduced himself to us. And he seemed to find it relevant to every conversation. It was dull but also a bit offensive, as though he assumed that because we are over 50 we were probably ignorant and homophobic.

And he probably decided his presumption was correct because we found him so dull and self absorbed that we didn't exactly seek out his company 😬

XmasCrackPies · 05/09/2026 23:44

Velumental · 05/09/2026 23:29

I've just had 4 hours of the history of Nintendo consoles. It's not that fun.

Show quote history

We just watched a Nintendo documentary last night as dd is a fellow Nintendo enthusiast. I found it fascinating. To start from manufacturing playing cards then toys, pasta, and even Love Hotels to a billion dollar video game company is quite impressive.

Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:42

itstoolateforsnacks · 05/09/2026 23:39

I talk with my children a lot about the skill of ‘reading the room’. Ie have a look at whether the person you are speaking to looks ready/interested to listen to whatever you have to say. Kids (or my kids anyway) just don’t seem to give a fuck about that and it always amazes me how oblivious they are. Some adults have the same issue and it is tedious.

Love this - a great skill to learn. (And to be honest I'd be much more forgiving of a child who did this.)

OP posts:
Illegally18 · 05/09/2026 23:42

Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:28

Crikey, that was a bit of a reach.

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Indeed. And silly as well.

Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:40

TeenLifeMum · 05/09/2026 23:38

My dd is gay. The fact she has a girlfriend is no more her personality than if she had a boyfriend. It rarely comes up other than the normal ways a relationship would be mentioned.

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Exactly. It's perfectly possible to be like this, as your daughter demonstrates.

Obviously (I hope) I'm not suggesting people shouldn't ever talk about whatever it is that is important to them, but that doesn't mean it needs to be shoehorned into every conversation, especially if the person/people you're talking to have already heard everything you have to say on the matter 17 times before.

OP posts:
itstoolateforsnacks · 05/09/2026 23:39

I talk with my children a lot about the skill of ‘reading the room’. Ie have a look at whether the person you are speaking to looks ready/interested to listen to whatever you have to say. Kids (or my kids anyway) just don’t seem to give a fuck about that and it always amazes me how oblivious they are. Some adults have the same issue and it is tedious.

TeenLifeMum · 05/09/2026 23:38

CatesandAle · 05/09/2026 22:56

YABU to conflate talking a lot about a hobby with talking a lot about gender or sexual identity, or being a parent, IMO. I’m not a parent but for someone who is parenting a young child and/or one with special needs it’s not hard to understand why that’s what they’re spending a lot of their time on and why that’s probably what they have the most to say about at that particular point in their lives. For people with a non-normative sexual or gender identity, if you’ve experienced it you’ll know that it tends to impact a lot of your life whether you want it to or not. If other people don’t want you to talk about it then maybe they shouldn’t be so weird about it in the first place, and there wouldn’t be an issue.

My dd is gay. The fact she has a girlfriend is no more her personality than if she had a boyfriend. It rarely comes up other than the normal ways a relationship would be mentioned.

Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:37

AvacadoChic · 05/09/2026 23:01

I had a friend 20 years ago who was reasonably interesting and would talk about a wide range of things. We lost contact when I moved away and since then he has 'become' a woman. We are still Facebook friends and he posts a few times a week. These days, the only things he talks about are things related to being trans. It's like his entire personality has been swallowed up by this all consuming identity. I don't know why he can't be trans and still have other interests.

Yes, this is a classic example.

I sat in a bar once and listened to a transwoman talk at someone non-stop for about an hour and a half about being trans. I kid you not, it was basically a Ted Talk.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:35

Bernadinetta · 05/09/2026 23:32

How do you know you’ve never met a vegan who wasn’t vocal about it, if they weren’t being vocal about it? You’ve probably met people who are vegan without you knowing.
(PS I’m not vegan, but my bugbear is hyperbole 😄)

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Someone could tell you they're a vegan - for example if you're choosing a restaurant to go to, or you've offered to cook for them - without talking about it ad nauseam.

OP posts:
Floatlikeafeather2 · 05/09/2026 23:34

Twoweeksinaugust · 05/09/2026 23:20

I get you OP. The "It's gin o'clock somewhere" brigade who are basically functioning alcoholics in floral dresses and white trainers get to me most, closely followed by vegans, I've never met a vegan who isn't vocal about it.

But it's only the vocal ones that you know are vegan. You probably actually have come across plenty who aren't vocal, you just don't know they are vegan because they haven't told you.

Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:33

CatesandAle · 05/09/2026 22:56

YABU to conflate talking a lot about a hobby with talking a lot about gender or sexual identity, or being a parent, IMO. I’m not a parent but for someone who is parenting a young child and/or one with special needs it’s not hard to understand why that’s what they’re spending a lot of their time on and why that’s probably what they have the most to say about at that particular point in their lives. For people with a non-normative sexual or gender identity, if you’ve experienced it you’ll know that it tends to impact a lot of your life whether you want it to or not. If other people don’t want you to talk about it then maybe they shouldn’t be so weird about it in the first place, and there wouldn’t be an issue.

I wasn't conflating them, it was just a list of the various things I've noticed that people fixate on.

Regarding parenting, there are those (the majority, I would say) who just get on with being a parent, and then there are those whose every third sentence starts with, "As a mother..." and who bring the conversation round to their offspring at every available opportunity.

In the staff canteen I know exactly which two or three women are going to start talking about their children every lunchtime. It's always the same ones.

OP posts:
Bernadinetta · 05/09/2026 23:32

Twoweeksinaugust · 05/09/2026 23:20

I get you OP. The "It's gin o'clock somewhere" brigade who are basically functioning alcoholics in floral dresses and white trainers get to me most, closely followed by vegans, I've never met a vegan who isn't vocal about it.

How do you know you’ve never met a vegan who wasn’t vocal about it, if they weren’t being vocal about it? You’ve probably met people who are vegan without you knowing.
(PS I’m not vegan, but my bugbear is hyperbole 😄)

Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:30

JLou08 · 05/09/2026 22:50

Why are you friends with someone you find extremely tedious?
I don't know anyone who makes their whole personality about one thing. Maybe you need new friends. Or maybe you are the one who can't see past one aspect of a person.

I'm not anymore. I couldn't bear him talking about the same thing every time we met and referring to it in every message and email. He moved quite a long way away and I let the friendship die. He also found God which would have been the last straw anyway.

OP posts:
Velumental · 05/09/2026 23:29

AmazonAntiqueStore · 05/09/2026 21:24

I find the kind of people OP describes incredibly tedious and I am autistic - this is nothing to do with autism or special interests; it’s people making one aspect of their life their entire personality.

History of Nintendo consoles I could put up with.

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I've just had 4 hours of the history of Nintendo consoles. It's not that fun.

Original poster
Dovesono · 05/09/2026 23:28

Velumental · 05/09/2026 21:22

My 8 yr old, talks incessantly about the history of Nintendo games consoles. He's autistic. Having a n intense special interest, little interest in general conversation and difficulty telling when others are bored of your special interest are strong autistic traits.

I think you maybe just don't like autistic people.

Crikey, that was a bit of a reach.

OP posts:
Thecows · 05/09/2026 23:26

Twoweeksinaugust · 05/09/2026 23:20

I get you OP. The "It's gin o'clock somewhere" brigade who are basically functioning alcoholics in floral dresses and white trainers get to me most, closely followed by vegans, I've never met a vegan who isn't vocal about it.

But what do the functioning alcoholics talk about? Alcohol?