AIBU to ask for help re DD who has gone away for weekend when she should have been working

Mumsnet loves it when someone else's kid fucks up.

Yep this.

Tell her if she wants to be treated like an adult you will. No paying for anything for her. Take away her access to wifi and everything until the money she STOLE from you is repaid.

But not quite as much as when someone else’s DH fucks up.

The kid being a 19 yo woman who is acting like a 10 yo.

Lesson learnt. In future pay her after she's done the job.

adult with free will

do you still cook and and do her Landry? does she work or is she in education?

I think she may go hungry and dirty for a while as those adults caring for her may also find some free will is lodged in their throats and unable to function

my view is to go down the adult responsibilities route or sell some of her items of my choosing to repay it.

that will not achieve anything but more entitlement, "you sold my stuff" all you are ding is creating drama for her and the entitled love chaos and drama

best of ignoring and literally backing off from doing absolutely anything for her, she has turned off her phone as she knows she is in the wrong.

Disappointment and backing off will teach her far more about how life will go if she behaves like this

imagine you had a friend that did this, you'd have it out with them, text them and tell them they are way out of order and need to repay the money - you'd have it out with them and then back off. You'd not be inviting them to dinner or doing their chores

If she’s going to behave like a child I think it’s fair to confiscate some of her things.

She is presumably earning enough money to move out, given she claims to be an adult with free will. Otherwise she’s an adult dependent on her mother to provide a roof over her head so her choices aren’t as free as she thinks.

And actually she’s old enough to be working - if she does that in the workplace, her manager wouldn’t be ‘disappointed’ and back off. She would face proper consequences potentially.

Kindly OP, have you allowed her to get away with being entitled and irresponsible ?

No other real problems with her, generally good (but bad with money and entitled)

She sounds far from good. Try as I might, I cannot imagine my dd pulling a stunt like this. She clearly doesn't give a fuck about what this has caused.

You have bigger issues than being down £120

I would be apoplectic at this and simmering with rage at her then turning her phone off. She has obviously never had to suffer real consequences in her life.

I have no doubt she’s spent the £120 on her weekend away with friends. Which is typical teenage behaviour of living in the moment and facing the consequences later.
OP doesn’t mention a job so she may have no way of paying them back apart from reducing her future privileges or allowance. Cue more frustration. She’s in a tight place.
When she returns I’d ask HER how she intends to make up for this breach of trust. Her answer will set the tone.

This crossed my mind reading the OP too

Yes exactly. I would exercise my free will as an adult and stop doing things for her and stop funding her lifestyle.
DD needs to learn that free will comes with responsibilities.

Has she turned her phone back on? Have you found someone else to paint your nails? When does she return? How long she going to be grounded for?

I agree, it’s an odd feature of mumsnet that a lot of posters love dishing out advice about how to punish people, and it’s always childish and petty, if you actually behaved like that it would totally destroy your relationship with your child/teen/adult child.

In real life the advice Ponoka7 is best, talk to your daughter and find out what’s going on, tell her that your are disappointed she did this, and ask her how she can make it right , as grown ups you can both have a grown up conversation!

As an adult with free will l would tell her she profoundly apologises and gives the money back or she has a month to move out,her choice.

People just riling people up to possibly unnecessary drama so that they can live vicariously through it. Like a choose your own adventure soap opera

Yes, I tried to point this out yesterday - that maybe communication before changing the locks or selling posessions would be constructive.
And I was called wet and that I was raising thieves and liars.
I don't understand it at all.

I have a daughter that age and cannot fathom her doing such a thing.
Probably because she knows better and i am not to be messed with.
Who's car is it?
Who pays for it?

If it was mine the keys would be removed first off.
She can't have faced any consequences to do such a thing, so she really needs them now.

No way this is a one off, first off act of responsibility?
Turning off her phone is such profound disrespect of you.

People are more likely just making jest, especially not knowing the job the daughter was paid to do, which is quite important to make a judgement.

OP told us what the job was. You should at least read her posts before making your own.

BTW, she was supposed to be driving someone to the airport. I just hope those people got there and on time.

I mean, she’s only posted twice. And then it’s been mentioned one hundred times at least.

If she wants to be an adult with free will, then let her live the dream. Tell her to find somewhere to live. Teach her a lesson 🙄

Wifi code is changed and is not given back until all of the 120 is paid back. I take it as she's an adult she pays rent. If not she starts now. If she pays rent you sell of her items until the 120 is paid back