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AIBU?

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AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

462 replies

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 10/09/2026 08:44

WindsorGreatPark · 10/09/2026 07:33

Maybe read the thread. Closing (yes, it is not even locking) the door, is the tip of the iceberg. The man is an abusive control freak. Please do not minimise.

@user1497787065

locking the bathroom door is a completely normal and acceptable thing to do when married.

Comtesse · 10/09/2026 11:36

AnonAnonmystery · 09/09/2026 16:09

if you are scared about leaving because if money, TSB have a fund for women fleeing domestic abuse and here is the link below. Please check in later as worried for you ( if you can)

www.tsb.co.uk/help-and-support/supporting-you-domestic-or-financial-abuse.html

This is brilliant! Thank you for flagging….

Piknik · 10/09/2026 13:46

AnonAnonmystery · 09/09/2026 16:09

if you are scared about leaving because if money, TSB have a fund for women fleeing domestic abuse and here is the link below. Please check in later as worried for you ( if you can)

www.tsb.co.uk/help-and-support/supporting-you-domestic-or-financial-abuse.html

This is a fantastic thing - I've just read details of the full offer and it seems (for once) to be a genuinely practical and supportive solution with no strings or risk of exposure. Good for TSB

Tablesandchairs23 · 10/09/2026 14:14

Your husband sounds controlling and abusive

Iamnotalemming · 10/09/2026 22:18

None of this is normal. I'm sorry. I hope you can find the strength to leave. I think your life would be much much better separated from him.

Cornishclio · 10/09/2026 22:31

This man is abusive and controlling. Please make a plan to leave him.

Doubledenim305 · 10/09/2026 23:13

Piknik · 10/09/2026 13:46

This is a fantastic thing - I've just read details of the full offer and it seems (for once) to be a genuinely practical and supportive solution with no strings or risk of exposure. Good for TSB

Wonder if the tsb person who started this has been a victim? Sort of thing you don't think about or appreciate until it has happened to you.

nozbottheblue · 18/09/2026 13:26

How are you today OP?
Hope you are working out what you want and getting help to do it.

AnonAnonmystery · 18/09/2026 14:19

you have been in my thoughts @gimmeshelta . Are you ok and safe?

ACynicalDad · 18/09/2026 14:46

This is not a healthy relationship. Leave if you can; prepare to leave if you cannot.

Squirrel60 · 18/09/2026 15:17

One question: Why exactly are you still with, and living with, that gobby, angry, self-obsessed moron?

Dump him immediately. He's an arsehole.

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