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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

462 replies

gimmeshelta · 05/09/2026 15:18

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

OP posts:
murasaki · 09/09/2026 16:12

I really hope the woman reported this, as she'd have your number from the call. He is a horrible man, and you need to escape. This is very worrying, OP, and seems to be escalating. Please take care x

whippersnapper55 · 09/09/2026 16:32

I'm so sorry OP, he is a nasty bully and you do need to get away from him. Can you get in contact with Women's Aid? Are you safe at the moment?

https://womensaid.org.uk/

Home - Women's Aid

Women's Aid is a grassroots federation working together to provide life-saving services and build a future where domestic violence is not tolerated.

https://womensaid.org.uk

feelingfree17 · 09/09/2026 17:19

Please make plans to leave sweetheart. You cannot continue living like this. There is happiness on the other side, and you need to make those changes for it to happen.
As many others have said on this thread Women’s Aid is your first point of contact. They will give you the help and protection you need to rid yourself of this beast. Please keep us updated. We are all worried about you.

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 09/09/2026 17:23

I hope you've taken some of the good advice on offer here OP as his behaviour is not normal or okay. It's not about locking the bathroom door, thats just another way to control you and its just going to make your ptsd worse. You really need to leave this abusive relationship. Do you have a friend or family member you can go stay with? Sending you hugs & support. Stay strong 💪 ❤️

PestoPastaLife · 09/09/2026 18:22

You deserve so much more than this. Can you talk to a colleague or friend? You don’t need to leave straightaway, you can spend a bit of time very carefully gathering what you need in a safe space he definitely can’t access it (like work or a friend’s house).

Emmylou22 · 09/09/2026 18:28

OP - this is 100% abusive. And your poor mental health is no doubt influenced and exacerbated by your relationship with him. I thought I had BPD until I left my shitty relationship. Please take steps to leave this controlling bastard. It's not normal to have 'rules' like this. And his reactions are completely disproportionate. It's very likely it won't be bad all the time. That's how they keep you attached.

Cherrytree86 · 09/09/2026 19:35

He is abusing you, OP, it’s unacceptable

Bananalanacake · 09/09/2026 19:53

The trying to make you feel bad for meeting friends is also control. Do you have access to your own money.

Original poster
gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 20:12

I do have access to my own money, but he’s drained a lot of my savings

OP posts:
Rosesandthorns66 · 09/09/2026 20:21

gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 20:12

I do have access to my own money, but he’s drained a lot of my savings

Please don't let him drain anymore.
Leave him.
What is making you stay with him?

emmetgirl · 09/09/2026 20:23

You have a big DH problem. He sounds unhinged.

OneSparklyGoat · 09/09/2026 20:29

gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 14:57

Trying to change my phone contract to a new phone and he’s found me on the phone, was shouting at me that he could get me a better deal whilst the woman was speaking to me. I couldn’t hear her so had to walk away and he screamed “don’t you walk away from me”. The woman on the phone asked me if she could speak to him. He tried to put the contract under his name. He failed the credit check so couldn’t.

I told him after that I found the behaviour embarrassing and that the woman could hear - he said I shouldn’t have walked off, I’m his wife, and that I should have asked the woman to stop speaking as he was talking to me.

I don’t want to be here anymore, I really don’t

This is a link to support @ women’s aid.

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Please contact them and let them help.

I need help - information and support on domestic abuse

Not sure if you're experiencing abuse? Worried about someone else? If you or a friend need help, we are here. Learn more about our information and support.

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

daisyydaisyy · 09/09/2026 20:35

OP how are you doing? You really need to leave the house and go a stay with someone. This is unacceptable and you don’t have to live like this. Flowers

GreatPinkViper · 09/09/2026 21:24

We are all so worried for you op. Please leave this situation as soon as you can.

Ohnobackagain · 09/09/2026 21:25

Please @gimmeshelta use the info @OneSparklyGoat has put above. Move your savings/secure your half or take the rest if he has take more than he should. Please look after yourself.

Thesafetygeneral · 09/09/2026 21:35

It’s no wonder your MH is in the state it is when you’re living with that.
you need to leave or ask him to leave. I’m genuinely worried for your safety

Pessismistic · 09/09/2026 21:47

gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 20:12

I do have access to my own money, but he’s drained a lot of my savings

Hi op stop him accessing your savings get yourself away from him he’s abusing you. Your mental health will get better if you set yourself free from him. If you had a walking stick due to a disability and he kicked it from you so you lost your support would you accept this? Because he is doing this to you mentally. Every time you get stronger he makes you feel weaker so you need him.

Beaniebobbins · 09/09/2026 23:10

gimmeshelta · 09/09/2026 20:12

I do have access to my own money, but he’s drained a lot of my savings

Contact your bank to see what they can do help you protect the rest of your money. Not sure if you have a mortgage or any other joint financial products with him contact any providers of these to make sure he can’t make any changes to these without your permission. You need to leave him OP, it will be one of the hardest things you do but you can do it.

WindsorGreatPark · 09/09/2026 23:34

Do you have children? I cannot see that you have said. Do you have family you can turn to? Anyone in real life who could help you - even a work colleague? If one of my team said any of what you have said here, I would move heaven and earth to help them escape.

Does he have access to your phone at all? Could he have any tracking apps on it, or know you are using MN? Please prioritise getting a cheap PAYG phone that he does not know about, leave yours at work while you go and buy it.

Please call your local women's aid and get support to get away.

OneSparklyGoat · 10/09/2026 05:52

How long has he been behaving so aggressively with you?

Were you surprised he failed the credit check?

You said he is draining your savings. Could he be abusing drugs?

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

jeaux90 · 10/09/2026 07:04

Op please tell someone in real life you can trust. You really need to leave this abusive, gaslighting asshole. I guarantee your mental health will improve.

shhhh2025 · 10/09/2026 07:19

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

And this is your take from the whole post ? How ignorant.

WindsorGreatPark · 10/09/2026 07:33

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

Maybe read the thread. Closing (yes, it is not even locking) the door, is the tip of the iceberg. The man is an abusive control freak. Please do not minimise.

supersop60 · 10/09/2026 07:36

user1497787065 · 10/09/2026 06:07

His reaction to locking the door sounds over the top but I can honestly say that it would never cross my or my DHs mind to lock the bathroom door when in the bath, shower or using the loo and I’m surprised at the outrage about this. On another recent thread a poster complained about a boyfriend pooing whilst she was in the bath. That is out of order but locking the door or do you just mean closing the door?

Please RTWT