To block my 14yo ds from getting a PS5

This is exactly what I wanted to say

I’d never tell my child what they’re getting for their birthday and feel like you telling your ex what to get is quite controlling. He will just want to go to friends to game and will also resent you. Me and my siblings were gaming in the 90s, my son was is a gamer and competes, he’ still reads constantly and finished uni. There’s a lot worse things to worry about with teenagers in my opinion

For everyone saying a bike is a necessity, it's a necessity for OP's son in as much as a phone is for most teens these days. Never seen anyone complain when people give children phones for their birthday. I'm sure, in much the same way that if a child gets a new phone for a birthday it's probably not going to be a brick style Nokia, OP's son is presumably going to get a nice fancy bike that he has chosen himself.

Because he doesn't like getting the bus doesn't mean you shouldn't make him. He's literally trying to hack your phone; why should he be rewarded with ANY expensive presents? I think you need to get angrier about his behaviour.

"If I needed a new coat and someone bought it for me I wouldn't be upset I would think its thoughtful that they paid attention and got it for me. I know it is slightly different for a child but he is getting a bike not a jumper or something."

The huge, not slight difference, is that you are an ADULT, responsible for providing for yourself. Someone getting you something you need and want IS thoughtful.

He is a CHILD, whose parents are responsible for providing their necessities. A coat and reasonable transportation to school are necessities.

There are nuances, where it could be a gift, such as them wanting a particularly expensive designer coat for example could be a gift, if you have already provided a perfectly adequate high street coat.

Replacing his cheap falling apart bike that is a necessity is hard for me to consider a gift. Especially when a PS5 was the origjnal gift he wanted and was being offered! Then expecting him to buy his own bike lock out of pocket money is the icing on the cake.

I hope your talk goes well and that you can try looking at things from his very reasonable point of view.

How to spot a none gamer....

A new ps5 is £580 or so. Prices have gone up tons due to chip shortages.

a new bike that’s a need would be £200. The extra cost for a £600 bike is a want. £200 bikes are not unsafe, nor are decent second hand ones.

I don't think birthday presents should be what a child needs, ds needs a school coat, I provide that as his parent he won't get it for his birthday.

OP I think you communicated with his dad about your concerns and he seems to have agreed with you which is positive. The two options a ps5 he keeps at dad's (assuming he spends less time there) or a new bike seemed fair, and his dad has decided on the bike

So a birthday present is not something he wants, it’s something you think he needs? Bit rubbish if you ask me, probably feels a lot worse if you are a teen. Let him have the ps5!

Let him have it. His friends will be playing. It’s a fantastic console and has hugely helped my co-ordination and thinking skills. Very important for his social life as well

The bike lock is a bad example, in my opinion. It is another necessity, not a pocket money purchase. His parents should provide it, as well as the bike. (If he keeps losing them, that's a different matter.)

If he got a school bus, would you have told his dad to buy the bus pass as his birthday gift instead of something fun?

I have a 15 year old nephew and a lot of socialising, especially in winter, is done by gaming with friends on his ps5. I would worry that you would be isolating your son by not letting him have one.

nephews group of friends all play together and speak on headsets or sometimes I just hear his friends voices coming out of his controller.

I also don’t think it’s fair for your son to be punished because of the actions of his brother

I have a 14 year old son, just gone into year 10 and whilst he is doing fantastically at school, his entire existence for the next 2 years doesn’t just revolve around ‘buckling down’. Jesus, what a miserable life that would be if the entirety of their lives for 24 months involved GCSE’s. And birthday presents aren’t supposed to be ‘an investment’.

If hes already got gaming consoles/pc then to him this will feel like youre just being spiteful and saying no without a good reason. And a new bike....id say thats a necessity at his age tbf, not really a gift as such. So no wonder hes upset tbh.

It doesn't sound like he gives you a lot of grief over normal levels at this age especially if he doesnt go on about the social media ban.

I think id actually let him have it as recognition that hes doing well in school despite already having access to gaming devices. On the condition that he doesnt take the piss, or you'll impose very strict times on it/take it off him for periods of time then he earns it back.

Two of the most important academic years are coming up so he should be buckling down and focusing on that. Agree the bike would be a better investment.

My DD and her friends all play together on the PS5, it’s how they socialise. I love to hear them all laughing and joking together. There’s never been an issue about how much time is spent online as they all go to bed around the same time. Would you rather he went out and hung around the park doing god knows what?

If he’s already got a laptop phone and switch then access to games isn’t the issue.

this is just a different console.

It would absolutely not be coming into my house. I wouldn’t be thrilled with it being accessed at his dad’s house either, but I accept I can’t control that. If it turned up, I’d sell it and buy him something he wants.

It’s hardly a birthday present if it’s something he doesn’t want. If he actually needs a bike for school travel then you should buy him a bike, not pretend it’s a present.

My God, when did it become normal to spend nearly £600 on something (anything!) for a child? Sometimes I find it hard to believe in all the "we're struggling with the cost of living" stuff when this appears to have become normal. Or maybe not - maybe this is WHY some people struggle.

Stick to your guns. And when his screen time is up, take the devices, put them in a cupboard and, if necessary, lock it. He's already trying to break your rules - why would you reward that?

If he’s using a bike to get to and from school, I’d view that as something he needs, rather than something he’d like, iyswim. I wouldn’t buy my dc something they actually need to have as a present. So dd1, for example, went to a school with no uniform, so clothes (within reason!) were a need, not a want. A decent pair of trainers were effectively school shoes, so again, a need, not a want.

Let him have the console and parent him.

Aren't parents supposed to buy what their minor children "need", while they spend their pocket money on what they "want"? I would also class a bike to get to school as a "need", so shouldn't be a birthday gift.

I think you were wrong and agree with others that you are micromanaging and possibly impeding his friendships.