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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To block my 14yo ds from getting a PS5

33 replies

BestIneverhad2026 · 05/09/2026 11:07

Hi all

My son recently turned 14 and is in year 10. For his birthday his dad offered to buy him a ps5. I am not with the dad for context so it would be in my home and have to be managed by me.

I have had issues with screen time with my older son and excessive gaming. He is doing extremely well in school but I worry that the ps5 will be a big distraction and another tension point managing it. He also spends alot of money on gaming. He gets pocket money but always relies on me to buy him what he needs and keeps his money for games and gaming products.

I suggested to his dad that he should buy him a new bike instead. His current bike is very unreliable and he uses it daily to get to school and back. I worry that it might affect his body pedalling an old unwieldy bike so a brand new one would be better for his body.

His dad agreed and now my ds is very upset with me. I did suggest to the dad to keep the ps5 at his house but he ignored that suggestion and instead quickly agreed that a bike would be better.

Was I being unreasonable to interfere?

OP posts:
BestIneverhad2026 · 05/09/2026 11:13

For further context he already has a laptop, phone, desktop and nintendo switch so we already have multiple games consoles in the house. I have put limits on all of them but he literally spends the day switching from electronic to electronic unless I force him out or he has a club to attend. He has been blocked from getting social media like Snapchat and tiktok because I worry he will get in to problems. He is doing well in school and is reasonably well behaved at home. But he is a bit immature socially (youngest in year group) and he often tries to get around restrictions with his electronics for example changing settings on my own. Whatever time limits I put on him it will be a battle to enforce them.

OP posts:
Gerwurtztraminer · 05/09/2026 11:18

Good for you. Yes son might be a bit annoyed with you but a new reliable bike is a far better investment than a PS. You are right to be concerned about the effect of gaming on young people's developing brains, they are designed to be addictive and sounds like he's already shown signs of that.

I have two sets of friends who deeply regret getting their sons gaming set ups as it's really badly affected family life, especially once they were into their teens. Literally couldn't get them out of the house at times and huge rows when parents tried to restrict it.

Also here on Mumsnet the amount of younger women complaining about the hours and hours of gaming their lazy, useless partners do, not contributing to family life and household chores, shows what can happen as they get a bit older.

lxn889121 · 05/09/2026 11:29

Personally I think you are battling the wrong thing. A single specific console being allowed or banned won't make or break a child's addiction or unhealthy gaming habits.

If he had no devices at all, and you were arguing about introducing his first console or not, that would be different - but here we are talking about adding a new device, to the list of game-ready devices he already has.

For someone who likes gaming (as I did a lot back when I was younger and had plenty of time) if you want to game, you will game on whatever you have. Only have a basic laptop? no problem, there are plenty of online browser games that will run on anything.. phones, plenty of games etc. Refusing to buy one specific console won't stop him gaming or make him not have an issue with time management/gaming addiction.

Yes a new console will fuel a short-term increase in his gaming, as with any new purchase, the excitement of the first weeks/months is a lot, but long term, it likely won't increase or decrease his desire to game.

The battle you should be fighting is the type of game he plays, and how he plays it. The research on video games is fascinating - they aren't universally bad. In fact some are great, and actually help facilitate problem solving, logic, concentration etc. However, others do the exact opposite and are dangerous addictive time-traps.

Focus on teaching him the role gaming has in his life, and make sure the choice of games is positive, instead of banning/prohibiting things outright. He is old enough now to learn those rational-thinking skills, and you'll avoid the issue of banning something making it just even more desirable.

For me, I'd let him have the console but on the condition that it conforms to your existing screen time rules, and with the extra condition that you get final say over what games he buys or plays until he is older.

Dandeloosha · 05/09/2026 11:32

All his mates will have PS5s. My DS and his friends all play together and it’s quite an important part of his social life. Certainly he would be excluded from ‘hanging out’ online with them if he didn’t have one. It’s a part of their shared experience

Teenagerantruns · 05/09/2026 11:36

I would just get him the bike for birthday, tell him you will think about the PS5 for Christmas if he proves he can be responsible about electronics he already has.

burnoutbabe · 05/09/2026 11:43

I have a ps5. I have just seen all the games coming out in next few months and am wondering how on earth I’ll fit them all in and I only work part time! All the new games are huge involved games that take 50+ hours. So unless he is only going to play fifa they are time sucks.

(and £580! Was only £320 last year)

Fidgety31 · 05/09/2026 11:45

You are micro managing a 14 year old ?!

when are you going to allow him some autonomy. He’s a teenager not a toddler !

Brightbluesomething · 05/09/2026 11:51

Yes you’re micromanaging. It’s far better to let him have a PS5 and learn how to manage his screen time rather than banning him. He’ll be playing games online with friends as well as on his own. My (now adult) DS had them for years and whilst they were a source of tension at times they were also really good to use during downtimes and to socialise. Didn’t stop him getting 9’s in his GCSE’s.
My DD is the same age as yours now and she has an Xbox which she enjoys. She was later to it but is getting quite good at Fortnite.
They rarely ride their bikes at this age so that probably won’t be money well spent either.
Just let him have what he wants.

BalakayAARon · 05/09/2026 11:59

Aren't parents supposed to buy what their minor children "need", while they spend their pocket money on what they "want"? I would also class a bike to get to school as a "need", so shouldn't be a birthday gift.

I think you were wrong and agree with others that you are micromanaging and possibly impeding his friendships.

madnessitellyou · 05/09/2026 12:08

If he’s using a bike to get to and from school, I’d view that as something he needs, rather than something he’d like, iyswim. I wouldn’t buy my dc something they actually need to have as a present. So dd1, for example, went to a school with no uniform, so clothes (within reason!) were a need, not a want. A decent pair of trainers were effectively school shoes, so again, a need, not a want.

Let him have the console and parent him.

Elsvieta · 05/09/2026 12:21

My God, when did it become normal to spend nearly £600 on something (anything!) for a child? Sometimes I find it hard to believe in all the "we're struggling with the cost of living" stuff when this appears to have become normal. Or maybe not - maybe this is WHY some people struggle.

Stick to your guns. And when his screen time is up, take the devices, put them in a cupboard and, if necessary, lock it. He's already trying to break your rules - why would you reward that?

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 05/09/2026 12:36

It’s hardly a birthday present if it’s something he doesn’t want. If he actually needs a bike for school travel then you should buy him a bike, not pretend it’s a present.

mindutopia · 05/09/2026 12:43

It would absolutely not be coming into my house. I wouldn’t be thrilled with it being accessed at his dad’s house either, but I accept I can’t control that. If it turned up, I’d sell it and buy him something he wants.

Octavia64 · 05/09/2026 12:47

If he’s already got a laptop phone and switch then access to games isn’t the issue.

this is just a different console.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 05/09/2026 12:52

My DD and her friends all play together on the PS5, it’s how they socialise. I love to hear them all laughing and joking together. There’s never been an issue about how much time is spent online as they all go to bed around the same time. Would you rather he went out and hung around the park doing god knows what?

Sartre · 05/09/2026 12:53

Two of the most important academic years are coming up so he should be buckling down and focusing on that. Agree the bike would be a better investment.

Megifer · 05/09/2026 13:18

If hes already got gaming consoles/pc then to him this will feel like youre just being spiteful and saying no without a good reason. And a new bike....id say thats a necessity at his age tbf, not really a gift as such. So no wonder hes upset tbh.

It doesn't sound like he gives you a lot of grief over normal levels at this age especially if he doesnt go on about the social media ban.

I think id actually let him have it as recognition that hes doing well in school despite already having access to gaming devices. On the condition that he doesnt take the piss, or you'll impose very strict times on it/take it off him for periods of time then he earns it back.

mtobrokeme · 05/09/2026 13:23

Sartre · 05/09/2026 12:53

Two of the most important academic years are coming up so he should be buckling down and focusing on that. Agree the bike would be a better investment.

I have a 14 year old son, just gone into year 10 and whilst he is doing fantastically at school, his entire existence for the next 2 years doesn’t just revolve around ‘buckling down’. Jesus, what a miserable life that would be if the entirety of their lives for 24 months involved GCSE’s. And birthday presents aren’t supposed to be ‘an investment’.

03cg73 · 05/09/2026 13:32

I have a 15 year old nephew and a lot of socialising, especially in winter, is done by gaming with friends on his ps5. I would worry that you would be isolating your son by not letting him have one.

nephews group of friends all play together and speak on headsets or sometimes I just hear his friends voices coming out of his controller.

I also don’t think it’s fair for your son to be punished because of the actions of his brother

BestIneverhad2026 · 05/09/2026 14:49

A lot of interesting takes here. The view that it will help him socially has swayed me a bit. I do worry about him being left out or becoming lonely.

He did have a really good bike which I bought him in year 8 but it got stolen when he was in year 9 as he forgot to use the bike lock when he parked it somewhere. He got a replacement bike (bought by grandad) but it was a cheap bike and is not as robust as his previous bike and I know it will need replacing sooner rather than later.

I recently had to replace my younger son's bike as he started secondary so is going to have to ride to school everyday and his old bike was a bit small for him. Therefore I cant afford to make another expensive bike purchase. The bike gives them independence as they dont need to wait for lifts from me so it is a necessity but also a valuable asset. They also use it to ride to the park or to town to meet friends. I have been pushing for them to be more present in the real world rather then living their lives virtually so things that help achieve that objective are better for me.

I am also worried he has or will develop a gaming addiction. I work in a school so I see the negative impact of things like fortnite, snapchat, tiktok, social media and gaming in general. Yes some kids are able to manage but others get addicted and they find it hard to focus on their learning when they need to because they are used to constant stimulation and fast dopamine. He is doing well in school so that hasnt been an issue but he could do better if he used more of his free time for studying/school work. For example I struggle to get him to read fiction books at home so his English grade is below where I want it to be. When we travel I tell him to read a book but he is glued to a screen.

Yes he already has many screens to use and I know there was this idea of what is one more. The issue for me though is that I have put restrictions on most of the electronics he has but he doesnt respect boundaries. He often tries to change the settings on the parental controls on my phone. I have to carry my phone with me all the time or change my phone password/pin periodically because he will try to find out my password then change the restrictions to give him self more time or to approve apps. This is usually trying to give himself more time on his phone. He thinks his usage is not a problem because he does all his homework on a Sunday but I feel like moving in to year 10-11 and then on to sixth form this strategy will not work so he needs to develop good habits now. Yes I should police it better or have stronger consequences. For that reason though I dont really want to add something else to my already full plate that I need to manage/enforce. When it comes to parenting I am the only one doing it as dad gets to play Disney dad all the time so again another reason to avoid conflict and go for the safe option of the bike.

Also the point that parents should pay for necessities. Yes I agree with that but I also dont think there should be a sense of entitlement that every needs be taken care of especially when they have money to take care of some of their needs themselves. For example my son needed a bike lock and rather than using his money to buy one he gets me too. This is like a £10 purchase so not much but it's just the whole complaining "why should I pay for it" that gets to me especially when its for him. I can give other examples but the bike one seemed more relevant.

OP posts:
BalakayAARon · 05/09/2026 15:57

The bike lock is a bad example, in my opinion. It is another necessity, not a pocket money purchase. His parents should provide it, as well as the bike. (If he keeps losing them, that's a different matter.)

If he got a school bus, would you have told his dad to buy the bus pass as his birthday gift instead of something fun?

UniquePinkSwan · 05/09/2026 17:04

Let him have it. His friends will be playing. It’s a fantastic console and has hugely helped my co-ordination and thinking skills. Very important for his social life as well

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/09/2026 17:52

So a birthday present is not something he wants, it’s something you think he needs? Bit rubbish if you ask me, probably feels a lot worse if you are a teen. Let him have the ps5!

BestIneverhad2026 · Yesterday 08:50

Its not something I think he needs, he actually needs it. He hates walking to school or taking the bus. I work so cannot drop him if his bike breaks down. Birthdays and special occasions are a good opportunity to buy things that are actually useful as well as what they want. Im not choosing the bike I've told him to pick the one he wants. The cost of the bike he has said he wants is comparable to a ps5 (dont actually know how much one costs) so he is not getting something rubbish.

OP posts:
MiceSpiders · Yesterday 09:10

BalakayAARon · 05/09/2026 11:59

Aren't parents supposed to buy what their minor children "need", while they spend their pocket money on what they "want"? I would also class a bike to get to school as a "need", so shouldn't be a birthday gift.

I think you were wrong and agree with others that you are micromanaging and possibly impeding his friendships.

I don't think birthday presents should be what a child needs, ds needs a school coat, I provide that as his parent he won't get it for his birthday.

OP I think you communicated with his dad about your concerns and he seems to have agreed with you which is positive. The two options a ps5 he keeps at dad's (assuming he spends less time there) or a new bike seemed fair, and his dad has decided on the bike