AIBU to feel upset and insulted? What should I have said?

What a horrible man / women

The pressure to be thin is so ingrained in people it's unbelievable, they don't even think about what's going on behind the weight gain only that it's something to comment on. I was out with a group a couple of years ago and I can't tolerate gluten so when I ordered woman next to me comments oh so many are gluten free now ,as in it's such a fad , she asked how long I had been when I said about 18 years she kept digging why, I said well the diarrhoea mostly , after that she stopped .

I find that people like this enjoy comebacks. The wittier, the more excited the person becomes. They see it as a challenge, their eyes light up. Can you tell I've dealt with these people for almost a lifetime??

I've had the "you've packed on the timber!" Recently I've had "you're too skinny!" Also, "You look like death warmed up!" (yes, because I have chronic anaemia) and everything in between. I used to try for witty comebacks and am pretty good at them. Then I went the other way and started to get too angry and rattled.

My partner has Crohns and is very skinny because of it. A certain steroid he used to take made his face puff out, and then people would say "see? You CAN put on weight! It was all in your head!" (no he hadn't put on weight, he literally can't. It was the steroids). Maddening.

I honestly wouldn't engage. People like him would only enjoy it. Anyone nasty enough to say this sort of thing will just enjoy a verbal spar. Don't bother.

no that is horrible, really, really nasty. Top cunts kind of talk.

I've PMed you @Disappointedandunamused I hope you don't mind.

Maybe substitute "matured"

I would’ve told him, I can always lose weight but you’ll always be a rude arsehole.

YANBU OP.

"I see you are still a nasty dickhead"

I wouldn't have slapped him but Id definitely have said Ive been very unwell and am on lifelong steroids but thanks for trying to make me feel even worse.
Im sorry you felt you had to leave the party OP. They sound a horrible group of people.

This makes me so furious to read. Honestly I can’t believe people thinking it’s appropriate to comment on anyone’s bodies, even when they think they’re being positive. I have a health issue where I’ve been losing a bit of weight which has been very stressful. If one more person comes up and tells me how fantastic and skinny I’m looking while I’m so full of worry I’m going to punch them.

Sorrh this happened OP. Glad you’ve got a DP who’s on your side x

Like this 👍🏻

"I don't understand, what do you mean?"

I find it helpful to pretend you don't understand and see if he's willing to spell out that he can only focus on your weight. It makes him look like a massive arsehole.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with some twat hurting you like this.

I’ve a few medical issues and the steroids blow me up in size. I was able to switch meds for a while but then became really unwell and lost a drastic amount of weight quite quickly. I was in hospital for weeks. I didn’t think I’d make it out!. And my bloody Sil when she saw me that Christmas as I was recovering told me I’d really let myself go.

the inhale from everyone else in the room was enough for her to try and backtrack but I just simple said “that was very cruel and unnecessary “ . And left her to sit with that.

best of luck op I hope you’re ok today x

'Do you practice at being rude or does it come naturally ' is a good come back

I don't think there's anything wrong with a sweary response - he deserves it! I don't care if he judges me for it.

I'd just look at him and say "what the f* is wrong with you? Why are you so weird?" and walk away.

He doesn't deserve an explanation or your humour or your politeness.

People have no right to comment on other’s bodies regardless of the potential cause.

As someone who has gone from a size 24 to a size 18 (and I only got there through sheer greed,not medical reasons) people literally can't bear to see or talk to fat people. It's like you have no redeemable qualities whatsoever. Even as a size 18, I'm still noticing it in honesty.

It's not right but it's how it is. My reply if anyone comments is "well thank you for making me feel just a little bit worse about myself than I already did. That's some talent you have there" and walking off.

There is no point at all torturing yourself with thoughts of what you should have said

they were rude as hell and your reaction was normal and appropriate. As was your husband's.

They are cunts.

When people are rude and I am on the spot my go to is to just stare at them, slightly open mouthed, for an uncomfortable amount of time.

They then fidget, try and backtrack, or walk away. Say nothing at all, just stare. Even when they try and talk their way out of it. Awkward stare

They are trying to make you uncomfortable and defensive, by saying nothing and staring you hand it straight back.

I’m so sorry that utter cunt said that to you op. I think I would’ve been stunned into silence at his words and would be wishing later on that that I’d told him to go fuck himself.

'Well, I've been extremely unwell. I didn't DO anything to myself. Nice of you to notice.' with quite an intense eye contact and serious look would've made them squirm I'm sure.

Presuming the woman recognized you as the same person, did she just blank you? Or say something else rude? Either way it's awful and they have no manners.

I certainly wouldn't be speaking to them again.

'Lovely to see you too' followed by walking away?
'Oh give over Bill' I said once in a similar situation and he replied 'Don't be like that, you are still beautiful' which I took as a kind of apology.

Being drunk is no excuse (even if he was) all alcohol does is disinhibit people so if he was drunk his foul personality came to the surface. I am so sorry you were treated like this and it must have been a horrible shock. You are the better person and he and the others are not worth a second of your time. i hope you are feeling better now and will be able to put this behind you

I would have simply replied that you have been dealing with more than 1 life changing illness.

Well done you for not slapping him.

Some times I think a good swear is very cathartic. I'm loosing my hair, no idea why but its very sudden and drastic. I work in a pub and now wear silk scarves. All my regulars have been so kind and supportive apart from one woman. The other day I put up with 'where is your crystal ball', after the third time of asking I just said 'up my arse bitch' made me feel so much better!

When people make nasty comments remember that it says so much more about about them than you.