AIBU to feel upset and insulted? What should I have said?

I would have said, "These medical conditions are my excuse what's yours?"

I don’t think there is a response that will change you feeling bad about what he said because what he said was horrible.

But a lot of being kind to yourself will allow you to feel a bit better after.

As you get on you realise that people can behave in the most unbelievably unpleasant and shitty ways. If you realise that is on them and about them that is usually for the best. Don’t take the words of a person who is a shit to heart, that is their problem not yours.

I think sometimes witty responses and comebacks run the risk of stooping to the other person’s level and being insulting when you are actually a nice person.
I usually find a simple “that was rude…” to be effective, and if the person backtracks or says it was a joke, then “maybe you should think a bit harder about what’s coming out of your mouth” is a good end to the conversation before simply walking off. It feels better to be blunt, not engage and walk away than hit back or have to stay longer talking to someone who has just upset me

OP that is awful.

imagine looking him in the eyes smiling and saying in your sweetest voice ‘oh I acquired some health issues that made me gain weight, but you….when did you become such a rude c**t’

Well it's easy for us to come up with responses because we're not in the moment and shocked and hurt. So don't beat yourself up further for not having the perfect comeback. But honesty and directness often works well.

"What a hurtful thing to say. I have a lot of health problems but I haven't done anything to myself." And then if he makes an excuse you can say, "I am still me. Please think about the impact of your words".

I am so sorry you had to experience that nastiness, Op. The plain truth is that some people (men and women) think that it's ok to comment on a woman's appearance. It's shit. I do know how you feel. At one point I was morbidly obese and the amount of judgement I received from some people was unbelievable. I could be just minding my own business walking down the street and would receive nasty comments from complete strangers. Mostly men but not always.

Glad that your husband is supportive.

The psychology of making them repeat themselves when someone makes a nasty crack is very powerful. You keep picking at it like a scab and forcing them again and again to repeat/explain in an apparently insouciant manner. The other becomes more and more exposed and angry. Eventually they will give up and walk off. At the same time you gain power over them. It can be very enjoyable to humiliate someone who sought to bully and humiliate you.

How horrible for you. I would have said does it make you feel good to be so unkind?

Sadly OP I am not surprised this happened. People treat overweight people terribly sometimes and unfortunately you saw the worst of it. This guy is obviously a horrible rude man but you said the women in the social group ignored you too. They are almost as bad. I don't think a smart come back would have helped to be honest, because it would only provoke another come back and in his dumb head it would be classified as just 'banter'. If you really want to unnerve him i think you could reply to his comment very seriously and sincerely 'I've had serious health issues and gained weight as a result, so what happened to you?' And when he splutters and asks what you mean you could say 'you seem to have lost basic social skills since hitting middle age, is everything alright?'

Definitely, the first thing is to make them repeat themselves and clarify the remark, make sure everyone hears what they are saying.

"How do you mean, what have I done to myself?

My best response to any insult / cunty comment is to give a scathing look, pause and say “this is why no one likes you”.

Especially effective on the sort of insecure people who say shit like this as they will always wonder if it’s true and will hopefully eat them up inside.
I’m sorry that happened to you, what a vile man.

Dreadful behaviour from a socially inept fool, I am so sorry OP.
I have put on weight over the years because of my much more minor medical conditions than yours and honestly you have my total sympathy.
I hope all these positive responses out weigh the words of one stupid and no doubt ragingly unsuccessful man.

"Developed five nasty medical conditions simultaneously".

Then maybe loudly ask his wife if he's got some kind of brain injury.

Omg

This is the best one 🤣

‘I’m surprised you feel comfortable saying that’ is helpful too.

I would have said something like ‘I can always lose weight but you’ll always be an asshole’

"Me? You want to look in the mirror, Dave!"

I agree with this

Wirtty comebacks make it into a joke / banter

Better to show that his comments were rude

Another approach would be "ouch. That stings" and walk away

Im v glad yiur husband was supportive

I know you might not want to share it, but I'd have reeled off my medical issues exactly as you started your post and stared him straight in the face while doing it.

I might, depending how he took it, have finished with "What's your excuse for being such an insensitive jerk?"

Ooh I love this. Need to try and remember that

I would have reacted in the same way as you did, whilst wishing I’d had the nerve to call him out loudly for his ignorance and stupidity. Don’t take it to heart, the man’s an insufferable cunt and I’m pretty sure most people realise that.

The guy making the comments lacks manners.

My DH always says men like this are not gentlemen. That's a cutting response ' ah always the gentleman Dave'.

I was a size 22/24 but I'm tall so I got away with it to a certain extent. I put on weight through steroids then misery.
I didn't take WLJ and people don't recognize me now. It's interesting to watch them open and close their mouths!

I can't process bread but I can do a bit of sourdough. Warburton's was ok for me.

I take filgotinib for RA, I believe they are using it on Crohn's instead of steroids. Twelve weeks in its amazing. Ask your consultant.

No a witty reply is not the way to go as it's only stepping into the ring with him. You want to ask why on earth he thought it was a good ring to step into.

What an unbelievable nasty thing to say.
Why do you think you can pass remark on my appearance like that?
What did you have to gain by being so cruel?
Do you think that was a reasonable way to treat someone?

You can use these afterwards too in the past tense.

I think you did the right thing for what it's worth. If you'd lost your temper and insulted him you'd have to deal with that in your head too.

I'm so sorry about your health battles. I gained five stone so quickly when I was ill. People didn't recognise me. I'm finally back to my previous size and feeling great. When flashback photos come up on my phone I feel nothing but tenderness and compassion for the woman feeling uncomfortable, ill and trying her best. Please prioritise having these feelings towards yourself too.

This actually happened to me at a party many years ago, said by a guy I hadn't seen in years. I replied very sarcastically, yes, but fortunately I am not sensitive about it! About ten minutes later, his 80 year old mother came running over, someone had told her what he had said. She immediately berated him, clipped him around the ear and finished with the wonderful line, 'no wonder you are single!'

I've been really ill- and wait for the silence, then walk away.