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Original poster

ds has refused his first 2 days of year 7

307 replies

dinosaursroars · 03/09/2026 11:37

my ds was due to start year 7 yesterday, he’s got asd but no ehcp which i was already concerned about

i don’t drive so he was going to to with his older brother (y10) on the bus but he wasn’t starting until today so I tried to take him yesterday but was also with my baby in the pushchair and my 5yo.

he got ready and everything but when we were walking to the bus stop he kept saying he didn’t want to go and was getting upset and tried to run in the road and it just wasnt safe as it was just me and also trying to keep an eye on my younger children so i gave in and we went home which probbaly wasnt great

Today I had to do the school run for my 5yo so couldn’t take him in and he was going to go with his brother as planned but he just wouldn’t get dressed he kept saying things like he wanted his old school and he didnt want to start a new school etc so again i gave in as he was going to make my other children late

have phones the school and the head of year 7 is supposed to call me today but hasn’t yet

I just feel like a failure already i was already worried about him going to school and how he’d cope but not actually getting him there i didnt think this would be the issue

OP posts:
FirmSnake · 04/09/2026 10:44

PinkFrogss · 04/09/2026 10:20

In an ideal world yes, but realistically the 17 year old (who seems fairly sensible) is going to be a better help than the struggling 14 year old. And the 17 year old will be impacted by the chaos regardless.

OP definitely needs professional support, but it’s not always easy to navigate. She really needs support to access the support. Assuming all 3 have attended the same secondary school I think they’ve let the boys down really, they must know how much OP is struggling and how much it’s impacting her DC and their education.

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The secondary school can only do so much. OP ignored them and avoided contact to the point that she didn't know the 17 year old needed to apply for college. Schools cannot force parents to be involved.

Aliscent · 04/09/2026 10:53

OP, you need practical help of other people, like his dad, your parents/siblings etc. to help you, because you are not coping. What about your new baby's dad, what does he do? You cannot go on like this, and even EHCP will not solve the problem of your son not being taken to school if there is no one there capable of taking him. Instead it will be used as an excuse for him to stay at home in his bedroom scrolling on his phone for years to come (because the help is not there, services are overwhelmed) and later claiming UC/mental health benefits indefinitely.

Agapornis · 04/09/2026 12:04

Sorry to hear you're still having such a shit time OP.

Seem to recall from a previous post you were going to get an appointment to discuss your own undiagnosed struggles. Did you ever get anywhere with that?

Hope your 17 year old is well and has found a new course to enroll in.

OnlyUsername · 04/09/2026 12:10

Fieldday26 · 03/09/2026 18:13

It kind of is relevant as you are saying you can’t handle him near the roads because you have the other two to watch, you couldn’t get him to school because you were taking the 5 year old. It’s more kids than you can handle.

How did you expect him to manage on the bus if he runs into the road with an adult?

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This was my thought when I read OP's reply. Without the pram, it's much easier to grab the 11 year old when he runs into the road.

I would have tried again when the 5 year old had been dropped off. It's not "Oh, whoops, it's 9.01 so I guess this day gets written off".

Original poster
dinosaursroars · 04/09/2026 12:47

every single time when i made a thread im constantly attacked by posters bringing up the fact about my sons college when it was over a year ago now. hes already completed a year at college and has just started a new course it’s not relevant to any of my new threads but posters cant help bringing it up
i dont make my older 2 do childcare either

yes ds has done to school today

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2026 12:50

dinosaursroars · 04/09/2026 12:47

every single time when i made a thread im constantly attacked by posters bringing up the fact about my sons college when it was over a year ago now. hes already completed a year at college and has just started a new course it’s not relevant to any of my new threads but posters cant help bringing it up
i dont make my older 2 do childcare either

yes ds has done to school today

I'm glad he's gone in today. How did he manage? Did you take him or did he go with his brother?

ShortLoveStoryset · 04/09/2026 12:53

Glad to hear that your DS went to school today

Hope it stays that way

Needmorelego · 04/09/2026 13:02

@dinosaursroars so good to hear he went in today.
Fingers crossed he has a good day.
Make sure you still talk to the SENCO and Head of Year to get support and just take it a day at a time 🙂

dreamiesformolly · 04/09/2026 13:05

Blimms · 03/09/2026 17:15

Are you suggesting that society was better when more people hit their dc?

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I'm wondering this too...

PinkFrogss · 04/09/2026 13:09

Brilliant news he’s gone in today OP, first time is always the hardest. I hope he has a good day and at least it’s Friday.

Did the school ring back? If not make sure you chase up today even though he has gone in. It’s important you’re proactive in him getting the support he needs.

TeddieBears · 04/09/2026 13:23

So glad he's made it in today.

nocoolnamesleft · 04/09/2026 13:28

Well done for getting him in today. I was worried that the longer he went without managing to go in, the bigger deal it would become. And year 7 is already a big transition, so especially difficult for children who struggle with transitions. I hope he settles in okay, but I’ve known a fair few autistic kids who have gone from sort of coping at primary, to not coping at secondary. You may well need to brace yourself for the EHCP battle again. Good luck.

FirmSnake · 04/09/2026 14:05

Glad to hear things are improving OP!

SevenYellowHammers · 04/09/2026 14:11

dinosaursroars · 04/09/2026 12:47

every single time when i made a thread im constantly attacked by posters bringing up the fact about my sons college when it was over a year ago now. hes already completed a year at college and has just started a new course it’s not relevant to any of my new threads but posters cant help bringing it up
i dont make my older 2 do childcare either

yes ds has done to school today

Awesome! Amongst some good advice and empathy, there’s some horrible judgemental comments. Try to ignore them. This place can be a nest of vipers and busybodies. I hope you and yours have a great weekend!

WonderWeeksArentReal · 04/09/2026 14:42

Great news OP!

Sussexserpents · 04/09/2026 15:00

That’s really good news! That is a brilliant first step. Hope he had a good day!

PotatoLove · 04/09/2026 17:42

Good stuff, OP.

All the best.

Stressedandgrey · 04/09/2026 18:13

Balloonhearts · 03/09/2026 11:51

Year 7? Seriously? He's what 10/11? He doesn't get a say in whether he goes to school. He does as he's damn well told, even if I had to drag him there by the bloody ear.

Discipline him. Running in the road wouldn't have occurred to me as my mum would have walloped my arse in front of all my new schoolmate for pulling that sort of shit.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I would gently recommend going into the SEN board because I can see the ignorant idiots are already on here suggesting the would just slap or punish their child until they were no longer autistic.

If his impulse control and shut down in stress is reaching that level he categorically needs an EHCP. I say that as a former teacher/SENCo.

In the first instance I would contact school today and ask for some support.

Cel77 · 04/09/2026 18:41

Ask for a meeting with the SENCO at the school. He needs help, you need help.

NeedANapAgain · 05/09/2026 03:34

dinosaursroars · 03/09/2026 16:18

I didnt leave my 14yo to manage anything. I tried to take him myself yesterday but he ran in the road and i panicked and also had my baby and 5yo with me so couldnt exactly run after him
and today he wouldnt even get his uniform on

Dont see why im being judged because i have a baby its not relevant ds would be like this if he were an only child or not anyway it wouldnt suddenly make any diffrence

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But if he were an only child, you would have had the energy/time/bandwidth to have dealt with his mental health much sooner and more proactively. The problem isn’t having five kids - it’s having two more kids when you knew number three needed extra time and assistance.

Original poster
dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 18:37

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2026 12:50

I'm glad he's gone in today. How did he manage? Did you take him or did he go with his brother?

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He came with me to take my 5yo and then i took him and he was 15 minutes late then i picked him up and we got the bus to get my 5yo but i don’t know if i can do that all the time incase the bus isn’t realisable. he finishes at 2:55 and the primary finishes at 3:15. he did seem to have a good day and he was taking about board games at lunch

i have a meeting with my older sons head of ye this week but i am hoping to get a senco or head of year on the same day but i dont know if it will be possible it’s just make things easier especially if it was just before he finished so then we could just go

OP posts:
Sussexserpents · 06/09/2026 20:03

That’s good that he’ll have a positive association with- hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly.

you could try and offer to the senco to do the meeting over zoom during the day and then hopefully could ensure you get a meeting quicker.

Sussexserpents · 06/09/2026 20:12

at my DCs primary - if someone is going to be late by 5 mins or so becuase of the bus being late - they will message into the what’s app group and another parent is alway happy to watch their child on the playground for 5 mins. Do you have any friends in your sons year that you could message if the bus is late?

Original poster
dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 21:44

i dont have anyone’s number

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 06/09/2026 21:55

dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 21:44

i dont have anyone’s number

It might be helpful to find out if there's a class WhatsApp group and join it (for your 5 year old).
It could help you keep in touch with the other parents for both friendship and situations like helping with pick-ups.