Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

Your DH is bonkers.

My plan would be she leaves earlier before the crowd and comes out to a point where you can collect her.

It is going to be incredibly difficult to get anywhere near her and the car parks are pretty full I would presume.

Why are you scared to go pick her up? You’re inside your car. Also, is the traffic really that bad at that time of night? I’d have thought it’d be worse tomorrow morning. No way my mum would’ve picked me up at 1 in the morning from anywhere when I was 17! Why can’t she camp? I’d tell her to suck it up and camp for another night.

Shame her lift has fallen through!

I think I’d get your DH to go and get her a bit earlier. We are doing an 11.30 pick up from Reading as a compromise. I’m sick of the festival. We live half an hour a way and DS was supposed to be camping and kept wanting lifts home in the morning to shower. It’s been painful.

I don’t think the hotel room is the way to go. Either your DH goes (as it sounds too stressful for you) earlier or can they share a prebooked cab?

Tell her it'll be 11pm and she'll have to leave early if she wants collected. Or she can make other arrangements. Why is she calling the shots here?

Your husband is another matter. The causal way you put in he's having an affair is a bit weird. Does he know you know?

So why can't she just get this lift as planned?

Haven’t RTFF but if my children needed me no matter where or when, I’d be there for them if they are 17 or 47!

I know. 'I want picked up miles from the house at 1 am, and I don't care what you're doing, so tough. Come and get me...bye...' The entitlement's of the scale here.

Hotel was a horrible plan. I would have gotten in my car and gone to get her. my policy is that if you call, we will come.

if my husband, her father, didn’t jump in the car with me, I’m not sure I would ever see him the same way again.

On another day we will have a serious conversation. There might not be festivals or other late outings in her near future depending on what circumstances lead her to that moment. It wouldn’t be about punishment, but about what she is ready to handle.

YABU. We have a saying in our friend group (all parents of teenagers) - if they're old enough to go out to a place, they're old enough to get home from it. If that isn't the case - she shouldn't have gone.

Reading is no worse than anywhere else - in fact it's a lot safer, given there are adults, chaperones, security, thousands of people around and lots of transport links. She can sit it out til the trains start running at 5/6am if necessary.

Your husband's EA is of no concern here - start a different thread for that.

Go and get her yourself surely?

Bookings.com shows a cacophony of hotels available in Reading tonight.

I’ve done the late pick-up from Reading twice. You won’t be waiting alone; many other parents will be doing the same.

Bit unclear about how she's ended up in the situation in the first place?
But essentially you're not prepared to go and get her, yet you're having a go at him because he's not prepared to go and get her!
He's offered a solution. If you don't like that then surely you should go and get her.

TBH I think if you won’t go you can’t expect him to

I would get her but at an earlier time.

Isn't it better she asked than asking a stranger or sticking to a plan that gro.some reason hasn't worked out.
Get her home and then ask the questions

If you drive to get her can she make her way out of the car park and meet you somewhere nearby in town for instance . Or suck it up until morning . Don't think I would want to leave her there but your husband can feel otherwise about it .

If she's not sticking to the original plan as she's fallen out with friends or whatever I'd absolutely go and get her. But at a more reasonable hour.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. The reality is that a 17 year old wondering around at 1 am is putting her safety at risk. As for his stupid comment that no other woman would see it as a dangerous situation perhaps he should start paying attention to the horrific crimes perpetrated on women although I think his comment is less ignorance on his part and more that he simply can’t be arsed to go and collect his own daughter. You’ll have to go and get her. The alternative is simply too risky. Once home, you must have a serious chat with her about planning in advance.

Hotels often won’t let under 18s have a room anyway

I'd go and get her now rather than 1am!

If a hotel room is available, that's the option I'd prefer as both the teenager and the parent! I think you're laying it on a bit thick with the, "I grew up as a woman..." line. If another child's parent was planning to drive several kids home, what happened to that plan? Why are they no longer giving your daughter a lift?

If the only quesiton is are you being unreasonable to think it's far too dangerous for your daughter to make her own way to a central hotel, yes, YABU.

1am though… if you’re going to pick her up then go earlier as a compromise? My DD had a choice… camp til morning or miss kneecap and get a lift. She chose the lift.

I’d be telling my dc I’ll pick them up at 10am

Why doesn’t she just stay until morning, that’s what my dd did. Or doesn’t she have a camping ticket? If the latter then she should have asked about a lift prior to booking, I’d have been livid - my rule was if you are mature enough to do these things you get yourself home, harsh but meant they planned ahead including begging for a lift before the day