Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

It's reading festival. It's a special occasion. 10pm is way too early! The (many many) parents I know doing pick up at various points this weekend are all doing it about midnight. We've all got rotas with different parents doing different days! They go in daily by train and parents pick up at night

Yanbu. I picked my dad (in his 70’s!) up from a festival 6 miles from me. He said to meet him in the square at midnight which meant he walked 10 minutes alone down the road (with about 100 others in reality!)

I didn’t feel comfortable with him being a lone and he’s a 6ft3 grown arse adult!!!

He was reluctant to allow me to collect him and was going to get a taxi (-about 30 mins to home for him) but I wasn’t allowing that either!!!

Reading can have an edge. Lots of people let their 16/17 year olds go post GCSEs but I’ve heard of lots of people actually hating it and feeling a bit unsafe. My niece ended up going home before the end of the last night and I don’t think it’s uncommon.

I really would move heaven and earth to get her. Just because it all sounds fun, doesn’t mean every teen is capable of managing a festival well or even enjoying it.

My husband would go. May be a bit cheesed off but would always pick a child up. if you can't rely on your Dad then who can you rely on ? And yes, I'd be (reasonably) happy to go myself - before everybody piles on me and says I should go. But my husband is a gentleman, puts his family first and would just set off and sit it out. One of the many reasons I married him.

I suspect she still has a lift from another parent, but earlier than she wants because she wants to see a later act. Sadly, she needs to accept she can’t see that act and take the original lift.

I am only struck by you considering picking up DD at 1 am! That is ridiculous. 10pm at the latest is reasonable.

💯 this.
I’ve never been a ‘my DD is my best friend’ parent; I’m the adult she was the child and there were rules and consequences in place. However, in part due to mine and DH attitude from when she started going out and when she was at uni which was ‘if you need us we will be there, no questions no judgement’ she as a young adult describes me as one of her best friends. This is a massive compliment. It’s also meant that she’s shared what could be seen as a ‘sensitive’ medical issue with me and let me help her navigate services she needed. She’s never abused our support but she knows we are there.

So, she's got a lift with another parent but by the sounds of it they've fallen out. Instead of getting a lift back with her mates she's wanting to leave all her camping stuff behind and get picked up at 1am?

She can make it up with her mate and stay until morning. Pick her up first thing or go and collect her tonight (but she'll miss a big chunk of the festival. She needs to grow up a bit. Going to the festival is a huge learning curve and she's been given a huge opportunity to be responsible but seems like she's not ready for that yet.

@Delatron "DS was supposed to be camping and kept wanting lifts home in the morning to shower. It’s been painful."

You didn't actually do this did you? When I was a teenager I'd have been so embarrassed to call my mum in front of my peers for something like that. Apart from the fact that she'd have basically told me to get a life.

He's in the middle of an emotional affair ? So is the question really asking whether we thinks he cares for you? Hard to tell. Think we need more info before we can conclude.

Think you've had lots of helpful answers re your daughter. I'm not sure. I wouldn't have wanted my daughter there at 17 but then so many do. I was probably a bit over-protective. Hard not to be.

And yet, she might not even have the decency to keep her eye on her phone and answer it when one of you arrives??

Cheeky doesn't even cover it.

She should hold out until the morning and do whatever the plan was to leave. If their tent is bust or something maybe they'll just have to stay awake all night, you can do that when you're 17 and chalk it up as an adventure. This is a good opportunity to experience some minor discomfort and learn you can deal with it.

I’ve always told my DS that if he needs us, for any reason, he can call and one of us will come. And we trust him not be an idiot, obviously, but at the end of the day I’m his parent and he’s my child and he needs to know someone will always have his back. He’s been Interrailing all round Europe and can look after himself, but if he really needed me to come get him and I was in driving distance, I’d do it.

There is a larger context here. What is your relationship with your DD, now and in the future? Do you want her to feel she has a safe harbour in the world? Do you want the line of communication to always be open? Do you want her to ask for help if she needs it? Do you want her to tell you what’s going on in her life?

Ideally she’d be forward thinking enough to have a solution, but some pps are treating her as if she’s 30, not 17. Things can happen - from weather and accidents to friendship fall outs, arguments, assaults. She’s young, she still needs you. Take it as a compliment she feels able to ask, and have the conversation about being more prepared a day or so later.

I’m one of those parents who just grabs the keys and goes, no questions asked, I’ll just come and get you, doesn’t matter what time or from where or what the plan was or wasn’t beforehand. I drummed this into her. And she has never been a CF about it, and I never cared what her reason for wanting to come home was. The fact that she asked is enough.
My DD has never been able to rely on her dad. What’s happening now, is that if I ask for something is an instant ‘I’ll be there’, whereas her dad is met with: what has this got to do with me? When did we start relying on each other? which is exactly what he used to tell her and she hasn’t forgotten.

I've collected my daughter from Reading the last two nights. Tell your daughter to leave at 1130 when last band finishes. And pick a car park for her to walk to. There are loads. And there are loads of people collecting. The carparks are not empty and and the streets are full of people walking to them. You ought to be able to collect her at midnight, my daughter was able to get to the car park we agreed at 1155. The phone signal at Reading is excellent. We could follow each others journeys in life 360 app.

Why don’t you go to a hotel there earlier so you don’t have to drive through the night and collect her yourself at the later time ,
then have her stay at the hotel with you until you’re ready to drive back in the morning?

how many friends is it? You’re not responsible for the rest of them

So she has a lift arranged with friends parents but her and some friends just want to stay later ( assuming the parent doing the original lift said no?). Just say no. Stick to the plan.

Yep, and the 'I walked to school alone, 7 miles each way in all weathers, in the dark half the year, and I was all right type' comments!

Yabu. She's been trusted to be st the festival all weekend, she and her friends can either camp tonight or you go and pick them up. Not sure why you are worried waiting in the carpark, it will be mega busy, just keep your doors locked and dont get out of the car if you feel uneasy

Its unreasonable to ask dh to do something you are not willing to do, but not to offer an alternative suggestion

In my DD case the ‘plans going awry’ involved people on ketamine setting fire to tents.
I’m not sure you can plan for that except to say to an adult ‘if I need you will you come?’

And of course it’s a crazy idea.

Picking up a load of drunk 17yos to then drop them all off. They will be late - so that’s 1.30. Drive back 2.30 and someone will throw up in the car.

Then how long to drop everyone off. It’s nuts

I’d have drove and got her traffic or not! Your baby needs you, you’re there!

My son has also text me today and asked if I can collect him at 9:30pm but we live 2.5hrs away. He’s in a large group that travelled on a bus and it picks them up tomorrow morning. Last night he arrived back at his tent in the early hours, and some of his ‘friend’ group thought it was funny to break the tent so it is now unusable.

I wanted to pick him up but suggested he come home this afternoon which he didn’t want to do. He has now packed up all his stuff and put it safely in someone’s tent and is going to stay up all night with some of the other group. They were told by some others camping that things get a little crazy on the campsite Sunday night so he feel’s happier to be awake and leave early in the morning. I’ve told him to go to the Welfare Tent if he needs to rest. I will be glad when he is home but he has loved it. Could your daughter and friends do the same? There will always be people around site 24hrs and then you could pick her up early in the morning?

I'd go to the ends of the earth to get my daughter if she was stranded, no matter what time, or where she was.

Just saying.