Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

This.
And he knows you have PTSD...

I thought his comments a deliberately dense put down, in order to avoid driving.

However, I think you will be OK going to the car park and you are completely correct about not leaving her wandering around Reading at 1.00 am looking for an unavailable hotel room.

She's 17, she's still learning and what she's learning now is that its important to make sure you have a way to get home, that is not just ringing your mum every time, and she will do better next time.
I would have picked up one of my DC, just like you, in the same circumstances. You sound like a lovely mum x Hope it all goes smoothly

Its Reading.

Normal rules gets suspended.

If something off HAS happened, you don't want to take that risk.

It could easily be one of the mates being a dick and she's had enough rather than her putting herself at risk.

You will struggle to find somewhere as busy at midday as you will at 1am in Reading on the August Bank Holiday weekend.

You lock the doors, wack up the radio and don't make eye contact with weirdos.

Much like you would on the M6 in a traffic jam.

That sounds very noble but you can't keep your child safe simply by being a doormat. Just dropping everything and jumping into the car without a murmur each time they fail to plan a safe way home isn't going to encourage them to keep themselves safe, it just absolves them of responsibility and agency- the opposite of good parenting.

I wouldn’t give her an earful. Because next time she may not elect to call you, she may take a more risky decision. I would pick either of mine up at any time of night at any location in the UK that I could drive to.

Your husband is having an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger, and won’t go pick up his 17 year old when she is clearly in a vulnerable situation? This man has weird ideas about what is appropriate at what age.

@BananaPeels it’s one thing for your child to need you, but it’s another thing for your child to need for in 7 hours time, once they’ve drunk some more beer and watched a few more bands…. It kind of diminishes the sense of urgency!

This isn’t the case here though - she’s not unsafe or not enjoying it - she just wants to stay later and get picked up in the middle of the night when it suits her. This isn’t an emergency and the lift home should be planned and scheduled.

Can't she get a train? Into London then back out to wherever you are that's what we used to do (sometimes carnival as a detour!) , other than when we hired a mini bus a couple of times and then when I got into workers beer and got staff camping I could drive in

I know! My parents would have told me to do one. His friends were to blame to be honest - I think once one of them decided to go home, have a shower, get some sleep then they all followed suit. So annoying. It was after two nights and they were soaked and had had no sleep. But still.

I then became embroiled in lift sharing for them all. I was suggesting they all get the train in and out but
once one parent has done the run…it’s all been ridiculous and never again.

Anyway back to the OP. Some on here are suggesting the daughter is stranded or it’s an emergency. It’s not. Clearly her lift is probably just going a bit earlier. Unless you know what happened OP? And she wants to stay later. Just no on a Sunday night. They can leave at 11.30 or share cab between them.

I think YABU to be faint hearted about 'driving alone' at 1am, and the car park etc - the place will be BUSY, and driving alone at 1am isn't a big deal.
I think your DH is a lazy self absorbed git.
I don't see the issue with a 17 yo getting to a hotel when town will be so busy. She won't be 'wandering around' - she will be walking 10 mins to a hotel
I am somewhat puzzled that the journey home wasn't planned in advance - and if the plan was to stay over tonight and come home tomorrow why can't she do that?

And the main issue is your DH in the middle of an emotional affair with a young women. I'd tell him to stop it or leave.

Your daughter just needs to be told to stay where she is. What a fuss pandering to her.

Why is it up to you and your dh and not up to the mates' parents?

She should stay put, I assume her friends are stuck with her anyway.
There was already a massive traffic jam at 1pm to get into town, it's just going to get worse and worse. It took us 1.5h to cover 5 miles the one time we made the huge mistake to go across reading on the Sunday night (and that was at midnight)...

The hotel idea is not bad in theory if you can get something in town, but I doubt you'll find anything central now. Trying to get a taxi or any transport from the festival will very hard unless it's to go to the parkings/station.

She says she has PTSD.

But the DD doesn't "need" a parent. She just wants a lift. If she was desperate to leave she'd be asking for a lift ASAP but she wants to stay and enjoy tonight just cba to camp again. Her problem is her friends are leaving and she didn't plan her exit. There will be spaces on the coaches if she asks, people alwasy leave early.

It's always useful to give as much info as possible e.g that you have PTSD.
Obviously it's entirely up to you, but w/o that info then it's to be expected that people would question why you couldn't collect her yourself.
Having said that, you initially said you would go, but then decided not to and then your DH offered, so I guess the PTSD doesn't manifest itself in a way that is clear to you DH.

There's always a sort of "riot" last night of reading everyone knows. It's a bit rough and the toikets are awful the next day but if she's gone there she should be prepared for it.

I did reading at 15 with other 15& 16 yr olds so I sort of get it. It's a bit much but if she's big enough to go then she can camp the last night and get a lift when dh is ready.

Too right!

If there is a few of them can't they split the cost of a taxi

Sounds like the pair of you are hopeless and your dd has inherited your lack of organisational skills.

@mylot have you sorted a pick up place? Maybe Aldi car park? I don't think you will be able to grab her right close to the festival.

I would drive across the country at 1am to collect my child if they needed me. Because I’m their mum. They aren’t just a ‘someone’ to me!

Of course you are going to go and get her ! you gave birth to her you are not going to leave a 17 year old girl along in Reading !

It wasn't until your 4th reply did you inform us of your ptsd,

you initially said 'but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours '

does this mean you don't ever drive in the dark or you don't ever drive in the dark on your own or you don't ever drive for that length of time or it's the waiting in the car park that upsets you.

What happened to the lift she was going to get ? Has that parent let her down ! or has she had a falling out with the person whose parent it is
or has she decided to stay later than the lift.

Shame on her father !!! did he actually say he can't be arsed ?

But then you have bigger problems in your marriage than him not wanting to collect his daughter...

I wouldn't be driving an hour to collect someone at 1.00am due to their poor planning. And it could be avoided even now, just by them leaving a couple of hours early.
Car doors lock, by the way.