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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

259 replies

mylot · 30/08/2026 16:04

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

OP posts:
RelievedNoYouTubeMum · 30/08/2026 16:26

You get her OP. If you are that worried you'll put your anxiety to the side for her.

Buzzer3555 · 30/08/2026 16:26

I'd go and pick her up . You would feel awful if something happened to her

Original poster
mylot · 30/08/2026 16:26

Yeh, have never posted in here before. Blimey. Guess I’ll get my big girl pants on then. Thanks to those that weren’t coming in quite as strong. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
HambleTheDoll · 30/08/2026 16:25

I would go and get her myself. I don’t mind driving alone I just stick the radio on. It’ll be busy there tonight anyway

OverpricedCupcake · 30/08/2026 16:24

You go and get her, stop being a wuss.

Octavia64 · 30/08/2026 16:24

i Have to say I’d be reluctant to do this purely on the basis that she seems to have a lift but wants to stay longer/whatever and while I will pick up in an emergency this doesn’t strike me as an emergency.

Nimblethimble · 30/08/2026 16:23

You're all BU.

DD is a CF.

If DH's reason is that he can't be arsed, he's a lazy sod.

You are just as bad, should have put got your big girl pants on and gone if you'd wanted her collected.

hedgeknight · 30/08/2026 16:23

I would get her myself, you won't be the only one waiting and just keep the car locked.

Your husband does sound unreasonable with his suggestion of a hotel.

But why have her plans changed?

Original poster
mylot · 30/08/2026 16:20

RappelChoan · 30/08/2026 16:17

I would go and get her myself, I count myself lucky that I have a decent/easy to drive car, can afford the fuel and have no work tomorrow. I can understand it’s not necessarily as easy for everyone. But to me it’s a no brainer. It will be very busy so I would have no safety worries, it’s not like you are picking her up from a creepy abandoned niche place.

I only have a problem going alone as I have ptsd, I can actually do it, I just don’t feel comfortable. You’re right it will probably be busy. I am working on an earlier departure with her. She did have a lift but seems to have fallen through. Communication is thin whilst she is there.

OP posts:
tpwk · 30/08/2026 16:19

YABU - if you won’t drive, why do you expect him to?

GordanoServices · 30/08/2026 16:18

mylot · 30/08/2026 16:12

Oh 100% cheeky of her. She was camping but was getting a lift back off another parent tonight - they are all going back tonight. I think what I was posting really, was wondering if my husband saying I was being hysterical for leaving her to make her own way to a hotel that we’d pay for was unreasonable.

So she already has a lift on offer from a parent? So why doesn’t she take the lift? I’m confused.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 30/08/2026 16:18

Lots of hotels don't accept under 18s on their own. So it might be hard to find somewhere.

I don't really understand why your dd isn't sticking to the original plan - has her lift fallen through for some reason? It is cheeky asking for a lift at 1am. Could you not compromise and say you'll pick her up earlier?

Tbh, I wouldn't be happy with a 17yo girl wandering around an unknown town at 1am so in your shoes, I would probably put on my big girl pants and go and get her.

BudgetBuster · 30/08/2026 16:18

Your daughter is unreasonable - she should be sticking to her original plan

YABU - If she's old enough to go to a festival with mates, she's old enough to make her way to a hotel. Also, why are you expecting him to do something you aren't willing to do?

The emotional affair is a red herring - yes, it's shit but has absolutely zero relevance to this scenario.

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 30/08/2026 16:18

knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones
So she wouldn't even bother answering her phone even though you had taken the trouble to drive to pick her up?
Why on earth do parents accept such rudeness and ingraditude as normal behaviour from their children?

Treylime · 30/08/2026 16:17

Why isn't the other parent giving her a lift back as planned?

RappelChoan · 30/08/2026 16:17

I would go and get her myself, I count myself lucky that I have a decent/easy to drive car, can afford the fuel and have no work tomorrow. I can understand it’s not necessarily as easy for everyone. But to me it’s a no brainer. It will be very busy so I would have no safety worries, it’s not like you are picking her up from a creepy abandoned niche place.

TheJoyousHiker · 30/08/2026 16:16

I’d expect her to stay tonight and come home in the morning like the vast majority there. If she wants to be collected tonight, then I’d offer to pick her up at a more reasonable hour - 9pm.

GordanoServices · 30/08/2026 16:15

Very poor planning by her. She should have made a firm plan with friends and stuck to it. Many hotels have a no under 18 staying alone policy.

SewYellowLikeButter · 30/08/2026 16:14

I’d have gone and got her myself OP. You can hardly rely on a man you say is cheating on you. I find it weird that you complain about him not doing something you’re also not willing to do.

MassiveOvaryaction · 30/08/2026 16:14

Why isn't she sticking to the original plan?

Original poster
mylot · 30/08/2026 16:13

helpfulperson · 30/08/2026 16:08

To be honest that would have been my first solution. Its interesting that you say your daughter just told you she wanted picked up, not that she asked you if she could get a lift.

No, she is asking pretty please not demanding.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/08/2026 16:13

You both just need to say no and tell her to get her original lift back - you are both so unreasonable and she is very entitled

Octavia64 · 30/08/2026 16:13

There won’t be hotel rooms available for love nor money.

how was she going to get home originally?

Original poster
mylot · 30/08/2026 16:12

Oh 100% cheeky of her. She was camping but was getting a lift back off another parent tonight - they are all going back tonight. I think what I was posting really, was wondering if my husband saying I was being hysterical for leaving her to make her own way to a hotel that we’d pay for was unreasonable.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 30/08/2026 16:12

I wouldn't go to pick her and her friends up at 1am either. She can just stay until tomorrow morning if that was the original plan.

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