To say firmly and definitively I won’t miss it

Of course YANBU to think you won’t miss it. Although, you don’t know what joys await you in the teenage years that might make you actually miss it! Haha. Sorry, that probably doesn’t help.

Anyway, I’m interested in this post - did you only read this one book? (This isn’t me judging, I didn’t read any parenting books!) I’m wondering if maybe you read this book and had high hopes, and then when their approach didn’t work you didn’t know what to do?

I asked other parents and used the advice given: you will go crazy trying to figure out how to solve certain problems/behaviours and you’ll try everything and some things will work and some won’t and when you do find something that works, your kids grow up anyway into a new phase. So, for me, I’ve always looked at all sorts of articles, advice from others in my circle - obviously mumsnet too! And you just get by one day at a time, especially in those earliest years.

I didn’t expect it to be easy. I think my DM was a lot like you, so I always expected to find parenting monumentally hard. If you want something to make you feel good about however you think you’re fucking your kids up, maybe take some saving grace from the fact they might find parenting easier than they expect thanks to you :)

I’m in my 13th year of parenting now and have found it all very challenging tbh. I’ve got quite a big age gap as well which makes it hard because you’re going back over old ground whilst also struggling with new ground! It does become less physically demanding from about 7 ish. I’m not really sure what I would do with my time now if I wasn’t shopping, running play dates, packing snack bags, doing uniforms and washing. It’s so oppressive and exhausting but then I have no outside interests so…Dh and I go on occasional nights away and I actually don’t know what to do with myself or how to be.

Add in neurodiverse kids and NT kids are a walk in the park. I would never complain how hard my first was who isn't ND!

MIL seem to start liking it older DH got - from about 8 though amount she was round seem low - ships in night - then round a lot as adult.

She went on and on to us we hate being parents - seemed stuned we had more than one.

She loved being a GM though just did all the fun bits

She has awful birth and DH was left with few issues form that in early years everyone round her commneted on which upset her - I do wonder if it was untreated pnd.

Ours have been harder than many kids - ND but not diagonsed till uni- but despite hard times we enjoyed them.

IL also did the you won't cope when they leave home bit at me - but honestly while it was an adjustment it was fine. I enjoyed or tried to time we had at all their ages. My parents liked younger kids seemed to lose interest as we got older often hostile to us as adults.

Whether you one stance changes - no one can say - it may not it may - but memory is a tricky thing many people get rose tinted glasses with old age and others do not.

I loved the early years. I was tired of course but compared to the teenage amd young adult stage it was a breeze! They get bigger and so do their issues.

I don’t hate my children. But I do hate parenting them and perhaps the distinction is too subtle for anyone to pick up on it, including them - I hope not.

Parenting does change as they age - so it's possible you may find an age that you can enjoy and that may change how you look back or not.

Exactly, you are not feeling yourself, you may have an iron deficiency, (not that chocolate bar). It won’t hurt to go for a chat, it is very tiring to be a parent to young children, isn’t it?

If you divorce and live apart he will need to have the kids 50/50.

Do you work @toomanytakeawaysthissummer ?

This is probably controversial on mumsnet, but I have 3 children and the times I've been most stressed and hated parenthood was when they were young as in preschool and I was trying to work more than 2 days a week.
I had very little support from family or their dad either and it was horrendous. I don't think it's do-able for most personalities to work more than very part time with young children unless you have a supportive partner and a cleaner. Trying to do it all I got horrendous PND. Times I was able to just focus on the children and house and take time for myself when they were in bed rather than running around catching up on what I hadn't done during work hours. Those times were much better. Not saying that's true for everyone, my sister has young children and works full time with a useless husband and loves it, but for me it was far too much and something had to give and obviously couldn't be the children so we had to take a massive financial hit. I went back to full time when both were in school.

It is difficult yes, and incessant. I get it I have another now (massive age gap and still no support this time single mum by donor). I don't plan on working until she is 3 minimum (I saved for this for years). If you find nothing funny or endearing, then possibly you are actually depressed rather than just overwhelmed or fed up. I get moments of why did I do this again and sadness at what you call constraints - I get that part too! But I genuinely enjoy it too. Have you heard of the Edinburgh post natal score chart? PND can last way beyond age 1.

Ignore people who say oh teenagers are worse. Not usually. Not in my experience anyway, or most others I know. Another thing someone else mentioned about going back to being a bit stricter with children like in previous days. I'm not saying physical punishment that's horrific, but strict routines, boundaries and consistent consequences work better for some parents I think. They need to know who is boss, and if they are seeing you get upset and lose control it will probably spiral and make it worse (and I am NOT blaming you for that by the way, we've all been there).

I didn't say you did. Someone else said she hopes you weren't showing your children that you don't like them. You probably are a bit depressed. I certainly thinking I am at the minute. Might lessen first day of school.

How old is your youngest? If they are neurotypical (and even possibly if not), then I promise you the school years will be much much easier for you. Hang in there. Try your best to implement some boundaries and just try to get through each day, try carve out some time for yourself if they sleep ok.

It will get better, honestly.

I was a full time working single parent. Much easier than being at home😅

@toomanytakeawaysthissummer How many days do you work though? I found two days was the maximum I could do, any more than that and with preschooler (even just one child) I just couldn't do it. I was close to a nervous breakdown. I went down to two days and it did get better. I think it was the downtime when they went to bed most nights I would carve out time to relax after a full on day with them, or I went to a hobby whilst ex would 'watch' them (they were alseep!) but when I was working more I couldn't do that because of having to do housework or errands or go to bed for work. I was doing most of the housework and mental load though as well, as I sense you probably are too.
I know what you mean about the fight to get the other parent to be more equal, I never could get my older ones dad to be equal.

@HulkHogansHair Could be because I couldn't drive at the time. Trying to get us out the door and onto public transport to nursery, then onto work. Then reverse that after work for total 2-3 hours a day, and then have to do all the housework, cooking and prep in evening. I hated that. Couldn't do it.

OP honestly I'm pretty sure it will get better for you as they get older. My eldest is nearly 21 and I have other kids. From about 4 or 5 it's way way easier. Hang in there.

I think my father realised children weren't for him, I think we were one of his many hobbies he lost interest in when things didn't go to plan. He thought little children can be told to sit down,not move, not speak ,while he laid on the sofa all weekend reading library books. We weren't allowed to speak to him when he came home from work in case we annoyed him.
I have very vivid memories of my childhood and his constant barking at us or punishing us for very little.
My late mother was lovely we adored her and always went too and favoured her,I hated it when she went to her WI meetings when were were little and had to be looked after by him,I was 6 ish my sister 3 ish.
Please please don't put your kids through that,beleive you me they will pick up on it from a young age,we did. Thankfully were estranged from him now. I truly believe some people are not cut out to have kids,my father was definitely one of them

😂 not true

I found parenting hard OP and don’t miss much about my DCs early years. They were criers and non-sleepers for their pre-school years. I was also a SAHM because we just couldn’t afford for me to work and cover childcare costs. It was the 80s. My ExH worked shifts and was basically an aresehole! That’s why he’s an Ex.

I remember my DM commenting when my eldest started school (she came with me a couple of times in the early weeks) how every Mum was smiling as they dropped their DCs off! So I suspect most parents feel a sense of relief at that stage.

It got better for me, partly because I went college when they were both at school, went back to full time work after graduating, then divorced. I do enjoy being a grandmother now as I can have them for short bursts, their parents send them with lots of clothes, toys, food, and a routine. I feel more like a dad than a mum.

I wonder if you're putting too much pressure on yourself? Even as a parent you're allowed to be human.

Babies and toddlers I loved the cuddly little creatures but the lack of sleep genuinely took years off my life and I was murderously raging a lot of the time. Not towards them but just so incredibly sleep deprived I could hardly see.

Now they are 5 Nd 8 and we have so much fun, particularly when we take the expectations away. Eldest is autistic so I was always wishing he's find things easier but over time I just learnt to enjoy him as himself. We have a couple of TV shows we watch together, he adores getting one for us to play a 2 player switch game with him, he loves sports and particular activities he very focussed on. He can still be hard work a lot but he's such a proper person.

My 5 yr old is obsessed with dolls and collectibles, she's hilarious in her turn of phrase and loves being dramatic and going for coffee (milk) and cake together.

It really will get better. You might also miss some stuff but never forget the exhaustion and difficulty, so I love memories of cuddling newborns but I don't forget the nights after nights id be awake solidly for 3/4 days and sleep only in naps.

It's just life, it's good and bad and happening all the time.

I (mostly!) enjoyed having babies and toddlers, and I thought I'd be devastated when they grew up. But mine are older primary - teen now, and it's awesome! They're really funny, we can watch TV/movies/go to concerts etc that I actually want to watch, it only takes 5 minutes to leave the house, if they have a late night then they just have a lie-in the next morning (instead of waking up EVEN EARLIER and being unbearable all day 😴😴)

I've never understood why it's socially acceptable (almost expected?) to hate parenting a teenager, but it's the ultimate taboo not to like parenting a baby/toddler 🤷‍♀️

Also, just a quick heads up - the first term of reception can be really hard for some kids (holding it together all day at school, falling apart at home). If so, don't panic that this means that the school years are forever going to be even worse than the nursery years - it's just a blip!!

So was I. Think I'd have lost the plot being at home with young kids

Dream on. As if that will happen