Those who have paid for private education or taught in a private school… advise me please!

For many people it's not for what difference it is 25 years later. But more to do with a child having a good school experience that suits them. For some that will be small private classes. For others it will be the Hurley burley of a big state academy

It’s definitely a case of fitting the right child with the right school.

We started off with the village state school but it let both my DC down badly. DS1 has multiple disabilities, and even with an EHCP and 1:1 support it turned out that no state school could meet his needs. We moved them both to a small and very nurturing private school where his needs were met for several years until the LA agreed to fund a special school place for him.

DS2 has just finished Y13, having been in private schools for most of his education. His grades were good but could have been better. Would I do it all again? Yes, without a doubt. He’s been happy at that school. He’s also become very involved in a hobby that he was able to really devote himself to at that school and which will be his degree subject. He could have been similarly happy and done as well or better at the local secondary but we’ll never know. I do know we made choices that worked well for both our children.

Night and day for our DC.

State primary (for DD especially) they (ND) were often the target for bullying. School seemed not to do much to stop it.

Perhaps if we had grammars then that would have been fine for secondary as she’d have made more friends like her (quiet/nerdy/autistic) but now going into GCSEs she’s a different person. Happy, confident, huge group of friends (all very bright and with SEN) was definitely the right move for us.

Also small classes means the teachers know her and her needs and she doesn’t get ignored for being good/quiet like she did at state school.

3 things which make your specific private school worth it in the VAT scenario:

1. if it is miles better than your top state option
2. if your DC are interested in, able to explore and grab all the opportunities on offer
3. if you are able to realistically keep them there for 5/7 years and have enough funds & foreseeable job security

if any of these are not true then not worth it unless you can afford it without number crunching

And if you can afford it in a way that means it isn't such a sacrifice they will feel they need to keep quiet if they are having a difficult time there

It's much easier to switch from a good state school to private than the other way around (due to waiting lists) so I would start with state and if it's a disaster for some reason - switch to private.

Sorry to reply so much later….how did you know about the level of disruption to your child? I’m worried I am oblivious to this. We have a lovely small state primary in which the teachers try to do special things for the children - so much heart in this school. We also live in a nice part of the UK where the standard to state education is very high. HOWEVER, the classes are big and, like you say, the SEND provision is limited owing to funding issues. I don’t want to assume all is great when it might not be….

My dc original state school (primary) was always hungry for parents to come in and help out, especially when they were trying to do special things for the kids (like world book day), so I volunteered for a couple of those. It was eye opening. Nothing extreme like some of the horror stories you read here, but too many children in too small a space and the implications of that. That was the catalyst for our move to private.

We sent both our DC privately to single sex schools.

Partly for the academic side ( DD is very science orientated and wanted to do 3 sciences at GCSE) and when she really wanted to do Latin as an extra GCSE, the school was able to arrange lessons after the time tabled day.

The school also had excellent music and drama facilities as well as encouraging the girls to do the DoE challenges.

None of this would have been possible in a state school.

I mean... I'm a private school parent, so I don't disagree with private education per se of course, but literally all the things you mention can be done at state schools 🤷‍♀️

I also don't agree that girls can only do well in sciences without boys present. I think that's extremely sexist because it's like saying that girls aren't good enough to compete against boys in sciences and need special treatment. The best pupil in Maths and sciences in my daughter's mixed school was a girl. I had the same experience when I went to a mixed school many moons ago. Girls don't need to be segregated from boys to do well. Just my opinion though.

it is not worth it now if you have a decent state as your catchment. The extracurricular activities are now almost on a par, so don’t do it for that alone. Private school teaches you absolutely nothing about the real world, and you are not doing your child any favours, or buying them any sort of glittery future full of networks. In my experience anyway!! Save your money, start their pension or save for a house deposit for them. Obviously if you can afford both then go right ahead! But future savings are much more useful imo

Thàt girls perform better in STEM subjects us borne out by research. It's why there are initiatives to get girls into STEM.

None of the state schools around here offered separate sciences.

I don't see any state school teachers agreeing to special Latin lessons after timetabled classes end? Do any still offer GCSE Latin even?

They simply wouldn't have the time - or are they not as overworked as they claim? Same with prep for the exams for the drama club girls. These were usually Saturday morning or early evening.

That they were single sex was actually a bonus as I struggled greatly being the only girl doing Maths with Mechanics at A level. The focus was very much on the boys with many examples being given using cricket terms. I have never played cricket nor even watched a match so that ball could have been hit in the direction of Australia for all the sense that made to me.

Your school of choice is £30K annually and you have £2.5K to spare a month with £50K saved? You can’t afford it.

It completely depends on the fit between child and school. And, for us, being local. Having local friends, feeling part of the community we live in, is important for a sense of belonging, I think.

When DD was small, I was all like 'she'll be fine in a state comp' because she was outgoing and bright and confident, etc.

Turns out she is autistic and has adhd (high masking, as are most girls, so not spotted until she was in yr6). She ended at a small, local, non-selective private school. Not for the academics (they get the same results as the local comp), or the extra-curriculars (because they're not amazing), but because it's small, gentle, nurturing and she feels safe there. Absolutely the best decision we made and worth the money.

It's not just about results and extra-curics. 'Thriving' is them feeling safe so that they can learn and figure out who they are.

Definitely area-dependent as many state schools also offer triple science. As for Latin, my daughter did a language with a tutor out of school and the school just entered her in the GCSE exam. The tuition was after school. I think that's normal for extra languages? As for drama etc - again many do it on a weekend/after school in a club. Not worth paying private school fees for in my opinion, but I generally think private schools outside of the very famous ones are a total waste of money.

Boys both privately educated from 11 and had a very positive experience. They are both academic and sporty (one very sporty). We sent them private at last minute as we panicked about the school older one got (not where his friends were going and not brilliant).

Did we make the right decision? It was staggeringly expensive and while we could afford it, I look at their primary school friends who went to various state schools (London) and all did well. The one boy who went to the s hook we didn’t like ended up at Oxford! I would probs not send them private were we making the decision today.

“Private school teaches you nothing about the real world” @weeat what kind of BS is this.
The same way living in westernized world teaches you nothing about living in a developing nation? No one needs to have a work colleague who porters water from a well 2 miles away to know it’s hard work.
Simply seeing children from various backgrounds doesn’t teach them empathy without guidance, parents and teachers can help guide youngsters in better understanding barriers.
If anything I’d almost say the opposite as many private schools are very international, many privates focus on empathy and charity. Education is lifelong and as children age they understand more. Prior to 11 children see differences but don’t understand. I see zero need to romanticize having a token poverty stricken family at a school or family with a parent in jail. Should children from the top 1% be spread out throughout the system so they can teach children from deprived areas how to be empathetic towards them?

Sweeping generalisations get on my nerves - reminds me of comments made by private school people I hung out with at university “they don’t do sport at state schools” and similar 🙄.

Mine went to single sex state where they could have done triple science and D of E. And there is value to knowing people from very different backgrounds. Dd2 has taken part in a mentoring program at her state school and has a far wider experience of different ways of life and income levels than many of her lovely friends who are at private. Some (not all) are undeniably in a bubble of extreme wealth.

100% agree we should steer away from sweeping generalisations, but you seem to have stumbled into a couple of those yourself.

Previous poster was not commenting on state schools writ large, just explaining choices available to them where triple science was NOT an option in state. yes, there are state schools in this country where triple science and even Latin are taught but that is no use if it’s 100 miles away. Conversely, in my area the private schools offer much more student diversity than state where schools are 99% white British and economically pretty homogeneous.

Agree its an impossible question to answer for others as depends so much on what is available in the area your child family culture etc.

Also they may be diverse in nationality but not in background or wealth. I worked in a very diverse team I frankly had more in common with overseas colleagues who were similar class / education level to me than the people I went to school with.

For some reason dh and I have often ended up being the only state educated people present (we used to work in the City). People would assume they were “amongst friends” and would come out with some pretty awful things about state schools. So guess I’m quite sensitive to that attitude.

I reckon about a third of the parents at dc private school are in trades / no university degree. Obviously have done quite well financially, but the ‘background’ of private school families are quite a bit more diverse than you might expect.

The state school we started in was in a very upper middle class catchment and economically not more diverse than our private school. Many state schools aren’t very diverse at all, by any measure.

How do you afford that on teacher's salary?

I wouldn't if I were you, you simply don't earn enough. £2.5k isn't enough for decent private school