Those who have paid for private education or taught in a private school… advise me please!

There is also the case where a child is academic, yet in some state schools they are ostracized as being " boffins" and ignored by teachers while they try and get the below average kids up to an acceptable level.

My whole infant school experience was that " you sit in the book corner which the rest of the class does x" you collect the milk and deliver it round the classes as you already know times tables etc.

Then if a question is asked and you put your hand up to answer you are ignored while the teacher goes round asking everyone else who hasn't got a bloody clue and slowing everything down

So glad I went to selective private prep at 7. Totally different experience

Depends on the school. Mine went/go to a state primary. DD is still there but finishes next year. Otherwise I'd move her. The school was brilliant, but now they have a new principal who is awful
Our rules have changed to be 'inclusive' (save money on not having SEN classes) and all manner of issues happen. Teachers are not trained. DD has an anxiety issue and they write it off as poor behaviour and excluded her from (stupid) rewards days, or call me to pick her up. I tell them no, now. She also wastes half a day a week doing craft because she doesn't do interschool sport competition on a Friday. I attended a school parade where kids were running about, unable to cope. It's awful.

Hell will freeze before I send my kids to a state high school. Bullies can't be expelled and I've seen horrific behaviour, language and attitude. At the risk of sounding awful, most resources are directed to interpreters for kids who can't speak English. A teacher at the public admitted all SEN funding had been diverted to this. DD has one in her class, one on one for one child, yet she can't get any help at all.

So DS goes to a small private high school which cares for his individual needs and doesn't tolerate consistent poor behaviour. Less opportunities and it burns sme he has to study religion as a subject, but he's smiling when I pick him up. That's worth it.

Circumstances alter cases. If sports are important and DC like them, access to sports at an independent school setting starts younger and can be a really major thing, depending on the choice of school. The exact same can be said for academics if you have a bright spark and a school that's focused on learning.

However, independent schools don't suit every child. Emotional support is often lacking. Ties, shoelaces, gum shields and other elements of schooling that start at Yr7 in state schools tend to start at Yr3. It's presented as a plus, but it's not necessarily.

It is really school dependent. Our state school mandated ties from reception with very little flexibility. Private has been much more flexible about sensory needs amd uniform.

Our dcs go to a private prep and we plan to send them to private secondary. We're lucky that we are financially secure and don't have to make too many sacrifices to afford it (and can also pay for uni and house deposits later on) so we've never thought it about by comparing the value of giving money for different ways of improving our dc's lives. For us, it was just enough to consider whether they are happy there and achieving their potential. And they certainly are, so we are happy with the decision. Our local state schools are OK, but not really comparable in the overall experience and general nice feel of the prep. If we had wanted a top state school, we could have moved close to one, so it's not really about being dependent on what your local school is like. We just knew the private school would offer more than even the best state primary, and also the location of those schools tend to be in more suburban bits of London and we like proper urban city life, which tends to come with more problematic state schools.

For secondary, our local state school is one of the best comps in the city, but the top selective private secondaries can offer much more in terms of facilities and opportunities, so we plan to send dcs private even though the state option is very good and sought-after.

As someone who is state educated and taught across both sectors for 25 years I would, without a doubt, say that if you have the money it will be well spent going private. But you need to pick the school to suit your child.
You will always get posters saying state is just as good and many are when it comes to grades- in some cases better. But as for happiness; paying enables you to shop around and find the right fit which leads to a sense of belonging where they can thrive- a privilege which can’t be underrated.

Heads for cover..😬

And yes, I would say they absolutely do. Because of the small class sizes, there are no behavioural issues to distract and I know every child as an individual and how to get the best from them.

Why would anyone ‘pay money’ if they didn’t think it better for their children?

It depends on where you live and what options are available.

I went to private half the time and then switched to state and was much happier. There was so much avarice at my private school and I only had a small group of friends who were kind and intellectual and funny.

My parents sent my much younger sister to a different private school and she had a nice time but drugs were pretty pervasive and she encountered far more bad behaviour and drugs than I ever did at my state school

I would have sent my kids private but the private schools round here aren't up to much academically. They are really happy at their state school and we top up with tuition and lots of good quality extra curriculars. DS just got all 8s and 9s at GCSE. DD has dyslexia but is still predicted 6-7s (and we expect will exceed that) and most importantly they both have lovely groups of friends and really enjoy school . Round here theres no point sending an academic child to private school, the only people I know using private schools have children with SEN. They seem happy with the extra support though but I heard mixed views on the behaviour

That's a huge generalisation. There were some pretty eye popping behavioural issues at my DSis school (a highly rated private school) -mainly issues with drugs /anorexia/bullying /sex.
Mine was by no means as bad but there were still some very dominant "mean girls'

Bold 😁

I feel the opposite. If you have a child who will cope in a decent state school I would never choose private. £30k a year is so much money, you have to be really well off for that not to be an issue.

I say that with 2 x DC at private school. For one it’s been worth it, the other I’m not so sure.

We loved our state primary nearby and it was overall a great experience but mine really benefited from private secondary, not least because as another poster said it is SE London and the state secondaries are mostly pretty poor. Mine went to different schools and I loved my son’s - he needed the attention and support and was very immature about school but by the end he’d grown up and got a fantastic result. I think the state school some of his friends went to would have spit him out and he’d be nowhere now instead of heading to a prized uni spot. My daughter is at a smaller girls school, and I’m not as impressed with the teaching and care but she would do well wherever she is. Still happy she doesn’t have to deal with the bullies and toxicity of the girls state school she would have gone to and where many friends have had problems. So we are happy with our choices.

We’ve found the state option to be pretty good. Single sex and high achieving. So the outlay for private just not justifiable for us. But really depends on where you live as to what the state schools are like. Both ours quite resilient and self starters.

Apparently the food at the private schools is better as is the merch according to dd2 who has lots of friends at the various local private schools. The teens are all pretty much interchangeable tbh I notice no difference. I can’t tell which friends are at the private schools and which aren’t.

In my experience large schools (3/4 form entry), run by trusts, spend their money on management - assistant heads & deputy heads abound. The teaching staff is far less experienced (cheaper). I have also seen some very questionable use of funds by trusts’ administration.
In smaller schools the heads and (usually 1) deputy are just much more hands on and what money there is goes to support the actual children.

The other thing to add here is from my experience independent schools to not guarantee better teaching.
It can be very very easy to teach in a private school and lessons CAN be very 'here's a textbook'. Obviously there is some outstanding teaching and the same in state schools, it will always be a mixed bag.

I think you’ll really struggle with that income unfortunately. It doesn’t look affordable for you. I’d focus that money on enriching your kids’ life in other ways.

My experience has been the opposite plus the one form entries can really struggle if they are not full due to the funding model. A lot depends on the trust though.

We just knew the private school would offer more than even the best state primary, and also the location of those schools tend to be in more suburban bits of London and we like proper urban city life, which tends to come with more problematic state schools.

You can’t like urban life that much as you don’t like the schools! 😆

Total waste of money in my view. My daughter is 16 and just finished her GCSEs. She has been in private education since Reception. Absolute con in my opinion. Private schools have the same problems as state schools with bullying and bad teachers and a high proportion of SEN kids etc. You're just paying a fortune for the privilege.

Depends how hard working your dc are. A good independent school will add value academically, particularly if the child is of middling or lower academic ability. There’s a lot of extra curricular in the independents but, if you live in a city, you could buy that in. Grammar schools are usually very good and offer high calibre music and other opportunities but I find that the dc needs to be a self starter or be able to push themselves forward for opportunities whereas in the independent sector, opportunities are given to all.

My dc state classmates and those of his independent friends have all ended up at the same universities; Oxbridge, Imperial, Bath, Edinburgh, Warwick, St Andrews. So it’s not worth it for the academics alone.

It was right for my child. Before starting school they were very bright so the small class sizes was a draw for us. As it turns out he has ADHD and although not diagnosed at school they managed the issues on an individual basis. The main plus turned out to be the extra curricular, it introduced him to the instrument he went on to study at specialist music 6th form and conservatoire. Without the private school he would never have had the chance and he’s now starting a professional music career.

FYI you are mega wealthy

Why only" cope" instead of actually enjoying the school experience though

Does that not depend on the school.? The prep school I was at was selective, not just academically but making sure the girl was a good " fit"

I had between 12 and 15 in my class ( one class per year( and there was certainly not disruptive kids, certainly not a high proportion of SEN kids ( if there were any at all.it certainly wasn't noticeable and didn't disrupt anyone else's education). And if you turned out not to be academic enough to move into the upper school ( had to do exams) then you couldn't stay and would move elsewhere

I chose state as I had a bad experience at private school, and was mercilessly bullied. I enjoyed state primary, but lost all confidence with private secondary. We lived in an area with a good state comp, and I liked the idea of DC going to local comp with all their friends from primary. Topped up with tutors and no regrets.