Is it bad to want to be left alone

59 replies

BwjrIg · 29/08/2026 12:12

Context - just got back from a week away with the kids on my own. Was pretty full on, the kids loved it, am totally done. Husband was working but basically got a week to himself. He is now in a mood because I am not being more affectionate.

If I have to be honest - I just want to be left alone and a bit of time to myself. My oldest didn't go to bed till 10.30 on holiday i.e. my bedtime, youngest got up at 6.30 so I basically been emotionally and practically servicing someone else with no break for a week. Am done.

What I really want is to just have quiet time for myself. My husband instead wants to have sex and constant affection as he feels he's been missing out. I get that, I do but am I unreasonable to feel like all I actually want is not to be needed by anyone and left alone rather than jumping straight back in to basically servicing my husband. I know that sounds bad. I get that am a 40 something woman on HRT but honestly I just want a break.

OP posts:

Squishymama · 30/08/2026 22:40

I’m divorced, and your experience is one of the many, several reasons I’m divorced.

I’m not sure whether as women who “meet their partners when they’re young, want to be a cool at it like rabbits couple and also take over the role as mother and then become an actual mother” cause some it somehow ourselves. Not that it’s our fault, but I cannot understand now why I put up with it, why I gave in. Why I ever had sex when I didn’t want to do he wouldn’t sulk, it’s ridiculous. And you deserve better.

I genuinely believe foreplay should begin four hours earlier, when he sees the washing machine has finished and puts it in the dryer on his own initiative. No I don’t want a kiss and a bum squeeze and that’s enough for me to be turned on when I’m shattered and irritated.

Happy to report that my life is not like that now and dating a man who’s lived alone for a good while was eye opening.

Squishymama · 30/08/2026 22:44

BriarTime · 30/08/2026 20:04

This. The effort expended on the nagging and guilt tripping would be so much better deployed on taking some stuff off OP’s plate over the next few days to give her a chance to recharge and her libido to improve. At least, that’s what partners do when they perceive sex as a shared pleasure and not a chore extracted from a woman in order to placate a man.

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Omg this times a million!

Nopersbro · 30/08/2026 22:52

It's fine for him to ask for or try to initiate sex but if he continues asking, demanding, begging, wheedling, sulking, and/or guilt-tripping after you've said no, then he's entering sex pest territory, not to mention indulging in some deeply unattractive behaviour.

Joan1957 · 31/08/2026 01:25

I’d be disappointed with him. Some of my love would die. He’s so selfish and yet you have to ask if you are being unreasonable. I’m furious on your behalf. Go away and leave him to look after the kids on his days off. Some men, probably the majority of them, are clueless selfish idiots and your husband is a spoilt boy. Tell him how you feel. Why is it so many couples aren’t honest about what they feel. It’s a slippery slope.

rathersleepy · 31/08/2026 03:10

What a gross needy baby he is.

NeatPinkFinch · 31/08/2026 05:32

Stop servicing him! You are not a sex robot! Only have sex when you want sex!

HotMummaSummer · 31/08/2026 07:30

I've told my husband how excited I am for the kids to go back to school on weds. I said I'd be having a chilled day while he is at work. I'm a stay at home mum at the moment and have a list of jobs to get started on when the kids are in school.
He suggested I start jobs and instead have the chill day with him on Thurs or Fri when he is off.
I had to explain that after being with the kids everyday of the summer holidays I am really craving being alone! I will also find some time for him on the other days...

Clemmie92 · 31/08/2026 08:09

BwjrIg · 29/08/2026 12:24

I have mentioned it to him. He is upset that I don't want the shared affection and that this doesn't make me better and supported. It doesn't. I just want peace by myself

Wow, so he knows you’re experiencing burn out , but doesn’t care because it doesn’t suit his needs. Sounds like a great marriage…. JFC. Go serve your husband, I guess…

DangerousAlchemy · 31/08/2026 08:36

Disturbia81 · 30/08/2026 21:35

Obviously you need rest and he should leave you alone. But what has been a 40 something woman who takes hrt got to do with it?

lol 😆 maybe do some internet browsing?

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