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AIBU?

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AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

162 replies

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 04:12

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

OP posts:
Doigoforit2 · 28/08/2026 15:12

Crunchymum · 28/08/2026 14:55

Only for a few days though!! Rest of the long haul holiday seems to be without the OP.

2.5 days…. So basically a free stopover while they recover from jet lag before commencing the real reason why they travelled 24 hours!

RedToothBrush · 28/08/2026 16:01

Doigoforit2 · 28/08/2026 15:12

2.5 days…. So basically a free stopover while they recover from jet lag before commencing the real reason why they travelled 24 hours!

They are not saying with the OP so I don't see how it's a free stopover to recover from jet lag.

Doigoforit2 · 28/08/2026 16:04

RedToothBrush · 28/08/2026 16:01

They are not saying with the OP so I don't see how it's a free stopover to recover from jet lag.

Bloody hell… they really are keeping the Op at arm’s length!!

ToomuchCG · 28/08/2026 19:13

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DBSFstupid · 29/08/2026 05:35

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 07:04

Well, yeah, it is, a bit. My mum has basically decided that now we are grown-ups, we shouldn't want her input any more, and if we want her to know something, we'll tell her. She doesn't ask. I do message her now and again, and she comments on stuff on Instagram, etc., but she only really wants phone calls at Christmas and birthdays. I've had a lot of therapy over the years, and I've finally accepted that this is the relationship she wants with me, and there's not a lot I can do about it. It is sad that she doesn't want to be a bigger part of my life, but it is what it is. The other parent coming is my step-dad. When I see them we do get on (as long as we don't talk politics), but there is also a reason I didn't find it especially difficult to move away.

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us. They won't stay with us, despite our offering, and they really don't want to spend that much time with us before they're off to everywhere else (places we haven't even visited yet!). I think my mum just has a thing about not wanting to impose or be nosy, and we've had it out with her many, many times about how this actually makes us feel, but as I say, it is what it is.

I'm sorry OP, this is terribly sad x

CJ50Mum · 31/08/2026 22:55

Blondiebeachbabe · 28/08/2026 07:48

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us

Ooh, this is a really horrible comment. My daughter lives in Australia. She went out there in 2024. We have visited once already and are now planning our second visit for next year. Both times we will stay in an AirBnb for around 5 days and see her and her DH, and then we set off to see other sights in Aus.

For us, you have to go for around 3 weeks to make the long journey worth it, so we either :

A) Stay with them for 3 weeks

or

B) Stay for around 5 days and then bugger off elsewhere

I honestly feel that option A would be suffocating for them, and that option B is a happy medium.

But rest assured, we are only going ALL that way because we want to see them!! If they weren't there, we would go on a beach holiday!!

But they are staying for 2 days & then doing their own thing! 2 days probably feeling jetlagged too

RosieRR · 31/08/2026 23:50

We have the lovely experience of a 24 hour journey and did attemp to drive. We don't anymore. It is such hard work and you are so tired. Even stopping multiple times does not help.
We go from UK to Canada and back and find the journey outwards easier then the return.

Gooneviv · 01/09/2026 10:29

We did a similar journey with a 2hr stopover in Singapore last year. We got a taxi from the airport to our hotel then immediately slept for 6 hours! We are in our 60s. It was knackering!

VenusThighTrap · 01/09/2026 10:52

LividRoasting · 28/08/2026 14:51

I think the number of people saying "I regularly fly for 48 hours without sleep and hop in a foreign car on the wrong side of the road and haven't died yet, man up!" is frankly fucking terrifying.

Yep. I live in NZ and the news is always full of tourists who come from Europe and crash on our winding roads after hours of travel. The roads are v different to the UK.

GasPanic · 01/09/2026 10:57

They are adults and presumably can make their own choices and seem to want to.

I would make sure that they understood that they could call you up if they needed anything and leave it at that.

MyMiniMetro · 02/09/2026 22:05

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 09:00

They need a car for their trip, they’re flying into an airport - one of the main places you can rent a car from. It’s completely illogical for OP to collect them and then them be beholden to OP driving them back to the airport in order for them to rent a car.
Do you even understand what controlling means?? They’re making a decision about their own journey, that’s not controlling. OP trying to dictate what 2 other adults do is controlling.

Except hiring a car from somewhere away from an airport is always cheaper. It makes more sense to accept a lift and collect a car at a later point.

thatsginthough · 04/09/2026 01:10

LividRoasting · 28/08/2026 14:51

I think the number of people saying "I regularly fly for 48 hours without sleep and hop in a foreign car on the wrong side of the road and haven't died yet, man up!" is frankly fucking terrifying.

But if you are flying UK to NZ or Australia you are driving the same side as the UK. Yeah we do it when it’s a 30/40 minute drive on the ‘right’ side of the road on generally familiar roads or easy navigation. I wouldn’t suddenly take off on a road trip or start grappling with e.g LA traffic.
As PP have pointed out I doubt any parent of small children with limited sleep for long periods stops driving.

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