People have started being nicer to me since I started hrt - aibu to think it's related?

You sound like my mum. “I just got on with it” Growing up with my mother was so horrific at times, we were terrified of her. She, to this day, is still convinced she was Mother Earth incarnate and we had no problems. Menopause was the worst but she “just got on with it” apparently. Meanwhile we all walked on eggshells to avoid her temper, knew never to come to her with problems or issues as teenagers and made sure we kept out of her way so we didn’t poke the bear. She is approaching 80 and her intolerance for other people, her constant negativity, her inability to even consider the fact that other people might have a different experience, is the reason I largely avoid visiting her if I can. She has no idea that my siblings and I see visiting as a duty not a pleasure because we are still just pasting a smile on and pretending it’s all ok. Perhaps if she had sought help rather than “just getting on with it”, she wouldn’t be as unpleasant as she continues to be. 🤷‍♀️

I knew I had become difficult and not very pleasant when my menopause started.
I was moody and wanted to rage at everybody. Everybody pissed me off.
Of course most of the time nobody was doing anything wrong. it was my inner rage.
Once the HRT kicked in I returned to normal thankfully, I became happy and up beat again!
I avoided seeing a lot of my friends for just over 12 months as I couldn't see the point. Now I am back in contact with them and doing fun stuff which I am loving. I hated being moody and unreasonable to people especially those that love me.

They also can’t just snap themselves out of it. Not everyone can “choose” to not let it affect them.

Or, they no longer feel bound by “just being nice” that women are socially conditioned for. I stopped putting up with bullshit and called it out or stepped away from it. Women standing up for themselves is not a bad thing, but even if done in a relatively calm way, will lead to accusations of being “vile”, “nasty” or that hideously misogynistic “Karen” label.

Lacks reading skills and compassion. Noted.

You were being a perimenopausal nob.
Then you went on HRT.
And now you're not being a nob.
Just because you weren't aware of it doesn't mean it wasn't happening.
Clearly everyone around you WAS aware of it and your attitude/behaviour.
Not having a go... its a hormonal issue.

Completely agree. The suggestion that anyone who experiences the (medically evidenced!) mood changes must be making perimenopause their personality as some performative, self indulgent revelling in middle aged grumpiness is really reductive and insulting. If you've sailed through without experiencing it yourself: brilliant. But maybe accept that we all experience things differently, rather than assuming everyone else is "making a bit of fuss".

For me, the anxiety, low mood, and exhaustion but inability to sleep was debilitating and DEFINITELY affected my mood. If you're chronically sleep deprived and close to tears and feeling like life is completely joyless, I think you can expect it might affect one's disposition.

Silly me for not being able to stiff-upper-lip myself out of the depression and anxiety.

You’re definitely well in the swing of that phase, though not necessarily linked to peri to be fair.

I think you've misunderstood. It's not a choice. It's absolutely horrendous to be filled with uncontrollable rage and anger, have panic attacks, anxiety and feelings of impending doom. Nobody would choose that.

I do suffer with it, how assuming of you to think otherwise. It’s just more of the same.

Yes, agree. Again people think because they're ok, everyone else must be.. making it up? Hysterical? Weak for not coping? I don't know, but it's judgemental and shit - people should just accept that others are not so lucky and they shouldn't compare them to their own experience.

Yes, it has, that's why am on it. I would rather not be, mum got breast cancer on HRT, so it's a worry for me. But the quality of life without it is very much reduced, no sleep is something that affects every aspect of my life.

This is a really arrogant, head up your own arse, I'm ok Jack view of peri and meno.

Not everyone experiences things as you do. Shocker huh?

I for one, credit HRT with probably saving my life. I never had massive ups or downs with PMT, light and fast periods, no biggie all my life. Peri fucking floored me. I thought I was losing my fucking mind. And I didn't know how to live like that. I was teetering on a cliff edge.

Have some compasion and realise everyone experiences things - especially hormonal shifts - differently.

Jesus.

Your behaviour towards other people might not have changed, but the way you perceive interactions and the moods of others probably has. They're not being nicer to you. You just feel more well-disposed towards them because your mood has improved. This sort of thing can absolutely happen without you being aware of it.

You do not suddenly appear 'younger' or give off magic pheromones to others because you're on HRT.

Hasn’t the hrt sorted it?

Exactly. We go through puberty. People go through hell every month with periods, up and down moods, lack of sex drive, pain all through their younger years. And then there’s the joys of pregnancy. Why is menopause then spoken about as a disability? It’s just more of the same.
Sadly it’s the joys of being a woman, we have to deal with it our whole lives. I wish we didn’t. But peri is just blamed for everything

DH and I watched the Davina McCall program on the menopause a few years ago and were laughing because he has nearly all of the things she was talking about as well!

I have noticed a change in friends or work colleagues mood and then later they mentioned they had started HRT. They didn’t think there had been a change, but there had. I was able to be less cautious of causing them to be stressed or upset, they were lighter and happier. It’s not a big shift, but it is noticeable. It was the same for me, I returned to my happier self so everyone didn’t irritate me 🙈

I think k what hasn’t helped is the commercial aspect so companies know they can sell more shampoo or whatever citing peri or menopause.

whilst I agree hormones shift all the time, I don’t think mine have been anything like they are now pre menopause. Period/ovary pain which makes me vomit - which I know some women have all the time.

This a thousand per cent.

Many people breeze through the menopause, many don't. I am on HRT because I cannot sleep. Not because of hot flushes, those I can live with, but l cannot sleep, night after night, awake until about 5am. After months, years of this, it's very hard to keep smiling and being light.

While yes, we live our lives with hormonal stuff, some people suffer.

Yes, I had my gallbladder out earlier this year, and I was astonished at how much more cheerful I became when it no longer hurts to eat and I don't have to choose very limited food from the menu all the time.

I'm so excited for life now, and not grumpy all the time. It's great.