So I've got a friend I've been close with for years, genuinely one of my best friends. I told her something a while back, nothing huge in the scheme of things but it was clearly personal (not going to say exactly what but it very clearly wasn’t someone I’d want just anyone knowing, and also I kindof think exactly what it was is besides the point ) but to be clear it wasn’t just chit chat , it was the kind of thing you say because you trust the person you're saying it to.
Anyway turns out she told her husband. Found out sort of by accident, he said something that made it obvious he knew, and when I mentioned it to her she wasn't really that sorry about it. Her whole reasoning was that I should have just assumed she'd tell him because they're married, like that's just what happens once you're with someone, everything gets shared automatically.
Honestly I was kind of stunned by that response. If I tell you something, that's between us, being in a relationship doesn't mean your husband is secretly in on every conversation we have unless I say otherwise. Maybe, maybe, I could get it if she was really worried about me and needed to talk it through with someone for my sake, like an "I don't know what to do, I'm actually concerned" situation. Even then I'm not sure I'd be totally fine with it if I'm honest, but at least there'd be some logic to it. This wasn't that though, it really was just a "well obviously I tell him everything" kind of answer, asking like I’m being unreasonable and overreacting to feel hurt about this!
To me that just says she doesn't actually value what I share with her, or the trust bit of being friends, if it's just going home with her every time regardless. Am I being unreasonable thinking this is actually a pretty big deal? Do people genuinely think this is fine? Would you say you're a good friend if you did this?