AIBU to laugh at what makes a marriage seem alright?

I watched the movie 'Is this thing on' recently with Dh and it was kind of about this, the reality of marriage. I found it very reassuring. There is a bit where someone says that you can be unhappy in a marriage but maybe that's not because of the marriage. It's normal to not be happy as an adult and it's ok for two people to feel unhappy together for a while without it really meaning anything else. Most marriages aren't great when analysed deeply at particular points.

My lovely husband is an extremely competent insect catcher, not quite Obama with the fly but very very good. I joke I'd never leave him because of this but really it's because he still makes me laugh and makes good tea. Both signs or a strong connection I think. I tell him it's the inset thing so he doesn't get too cocky

I'm with the man on the train. I know I could rely on my DH to pick me up if I needed it. Having a spouse you can rely on is a sign your marriage is alright.

I think tackling "problems" together, as a team. Us Vs Everything life throws at us is a good place to be, regardless of the issue.

Growing up I had parents who had arguments a lot. If something was broken (accidentally) like a bowl, or the dishwasher didn't work, or someone forgot to bring the coats etc, it was always a horrible atmosphere. And frankly it messed me up.

When something went "wrong" when I was first with DH, I would freeze, and expect to be shouted at. DH was very confused, why I would start shaking and apologising after breaking a glass? Or offer to run out at 10pm, apologising profusely because I forgot to buy dishwasher tablets. I couldn't break the habit despite a lot of reassurance from him that these things were not a big deal.

Bless him, DH started to blame the cats when things went wrong and I'd have a negative reaciton, just to make me laugh and snap me out of it.

It is now an in joke - "The cats have put my phone down somewhere!" I can now just laugh or roll my eyes when things go wrong. And I love him so much for showing me what it is like to be on the same team and helping to find healthy reactions to problems.

@DisforDarkChocolate what is the inset thing?

He brings me coffee every morning in bed and would do breakfast if I asked. He does all the crap chores that I hate, like emptying and putting out bins, walking the dog and even laundry. No nagging either. He is also the most thoughtful present giver I have even known, not just with me. I have lots of complaints too but he’s mostly alright.

Little nurtures to the other, cups of tea, a hug. DH bought me a bag of monster munch the other day.

a thousand tiny kindnesses make marriage work.

The number one element that makes a marriage work is kindness (I’m a couples therapist).

If you find a kind partner then you’re 90% of the way there.

'Many a true word is spoken in jest' but quickly batted away in case it gets too real, lol.

He puts the Adblue in my car and watches DS play rugby so I dont have to. He also doesnt mind that I spend a lot of money on pointless shit.

He brings me breakfast in bed, cleans the toilet, puts bins out, washes up, so I let him off all his irritating habits!

I was once moaning to my mum about dh and she said to me but at least he can fix stuff like your washing machine or fridge. He's an engineer and is very handy and I don't have broken appliances for long in my house.

If there is one cake left he’ll give it to me. If he’s doing poached eggs on toast , he’ll give me the one with the yolk unbroken. He’ll put a hot water bottle in my side of the bed .

He cuts my toenails, and I pluck his ear hair!

My DH infuriates me regularly, but he has the knack of leaping nimbly up into the main attic which I am too afraid to do, and he often hangs the washing out / empties the dishwasher while I’m at work (he works from home) which are both jobs I hate, so I let him stay 🤣 he also doesn’t complain (much) about extra horses being added to my collection which is a big plus.

Yes, that’s my DH and me as well. He always brings me a cup of tea first thing in the morning.

That and the fact that he loves one of my cats a lot, despite not having been a cat person before he met me. 🙂

My DH always tops up my windscreen wash when he does his

When you're 40, your hero is the man who will run to help you at the shop because you forgot your card or lost your keys.

@Tiredbean are you married to my dh? Mine goes away a lot, and when he does me and the toaster have a very special relationship. If I'm feeling fancy, I'll have a Pot Noodle, with toast, obvs!

Yes, this.,

It’s having someone to talk to and laugh with about all sorts of things who you can be yourself with, drink cups of tea with and do fun things with.

that sounds disgusting! I’d not want anyone touching my feet and certainly wouldn’t be touching theirs! (I trust he washes his hands 😀!)

I hate feet and hate oeople touching mine but it’s hardly disgusting, it’s very common to have a foot rub

Omg how is a foot rub disgusting

try it you might actually enjoy it

Don’t get people who can only make toast

cooking is easy

Mine will offer to drive me to a train station 1 hr + away, just so I dont have to drive to my hobby destination (anxiety related).

And wouldn't kick me out of bed for farting - his words 😂