AIBU to be upset my husband walked home instead of hurrying back?

I agree, compassionate and paid leave is usually reserved for your actual immediate relatives, spouse parent or sibling but not MIL grandmother etc.
If OP and her DH can’t afford for him to get a taxi from the station on any sort of regular basis he probably can’t realistically take 3 days off unpaid because his MIL is in hospital.

I’m very sorry to hear about your mum, @TigerJoy.
If your husband has had a rotten day at work, perhaps he walked him home to give himself some time to think, and clear his head, maybe?

I’m very sorry to hear about your mum, @TigerJoy.
If your husband has had a rotten day at work, perhaps he walked him home to give himself some time to think, and clear his head, maybe?

Yes OP is going through huge pain. And she is essentially going through it alone given the very small window when her H is actually going to be present physically with her. The fact that she knows he won't even be there when her mum finally passes must be awful for her. When people marry the expectation is that they will be there for each other in times like these.

It's not even the fact he wasn't invested enough in OP's current troubles to get the taxi home it's the fact that he couldn't even respect her feelings enough when he came in to recognise that she didn't want to talk about why she was upset with him.

This is another thread where pp seem more invested in expressing sympathy for the H than empathising with the horrible situation OP is having to face alone when she has every right to expect her H to be there for her Supposedly one of the main reasons for marriage is to love and support each other especially in times of grief and illness and difficulty. And yet here is OP having to face this time essentially by herself.

I dont think you are being unreasonable.
He chose to walk instead of getting a taxi when he must have known how much you would have needed him.

My husband lost his mum a few years ago. I was there for him. I cannot imagine choosing to walk 45 minutes rather than take a taxi so I could spend even those few extra minutes with him, knowing I hadn't seen him for days and would soon be off for another week and he was struggling. Even if i had had a few rotten days at work. Impending death of a parent seems like something more distressing than a rough day or 2 at the office imo.

Sometimes even if you have your own shit to deal with, it is less important than what your partner is dealing with and you have to stick a pin in yours in order to be there for them.

imo, this is one of those situations.

I’ve learnt to never assume that anyone knows what I need even DH who is actually quite good with the gushy emotional stuff. If I’ve had a bad day I’ll message him and say it’s a JD & coke night tonight (I rarely drink so he knows it been a bad one!) or if I’m emotional I’ll message or say I need lots of sofa snuggles tonight. He does the same. This was born out of both of us being a little crabby after a bad day and then the other getting pissy so just that little bit of communication mostly via a message has made things so much easier.

Sounds like you’re both having a rough time and both are struggling to support the other. Do the 2 of you still chat while he’s away? I notice you say you struggle to reconnect after he’s been away. I’m away from home 3 nights a week for work and DH and I video chat for around an hour before bed each night. We met during one for the Covid lockdowns so didn’t meet up for 6 weeks so video chats became our early dates and we’ve kept it going ever since. It’s great as then we haven’t saved up a weeks worth of talking for the nights when we’re both knackered and just want to collapse on the sofa in silence!!

OP I haven’t voted as I think you are right to be cross that it sounds like he isn’t prioritising you or even being very sympathetic. However, I don’t think the walk home is the issue in itself I think it’s the bigger picture of him not being there. I also think he could have showed more compassion about why you were annoyed even if he didn’t think he was in the wrong.

Im very sorry about your Mum it’s horrible and you deserve support and understanding.

I'd be more with your DH if he hadn't pushed and pushed you to say what was wrong when he finally did get home and you were clearly not too happy. He could have focused on being a bit caring for you at that point and it might not have escalated.

Crikey I’ve now realised that the thread title says ‘hurrying’ instead of ‘running’ 🤣🥲🫣😭🤓

Yabu. Your now awake yet could’ve still had a conversation at midnight.
I appreciate you are having a difficult time but your husband also needed to destress and him walking or otherwise won’t change any outcome for your situation. I’m sorry your going though a difficult time

Perhaps he just went into autopilot and just walked as usual. There may well be a bigger issue between you, but I wouldn’t cling on too much to this one thing. Might he have thought you’d already be asleep, as usual?

Its a tough thing you’re going through xx

I might be going mad too, but wheredoes anyone mention the word "run"?

For goodness sake - some of the replies on this thread.

I agree with a pp who said some people have such low expectations of men.

Your mother being seriously ill in hospital and may die is not the same as being stressed in work - it just isn’t.

If a DH is so lacking in emotional intelligence that he cannot prioritise his wife in this occasion I’d be seriously considering wtf I’d married

OP if your still on the thread - I hope your ok x

I agree with you !

Op, I am so sorry about your mum. I actually disagree with the other posters and don't think you are being unreasonable at all to want your dh home ASAP. I don't think this thread should be an AIBU anyway, you're Mum is dying, please please cut yourself some slack.

Some people can be tone deaf, please ignore strangers on the Internet, you need to save your mental energy.

Wishing you peace at this time.x 💐

Yep nobody did, I read the title as “running” instead of “hurrying” and then I took the ball and ran (!!) with it 🤣🙈😖🥲😫😂😭🫠

Yup, been there (quite often actually). 😂

I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh. It would only have made a difference of about half an hour and I can understand why he might just prefer a nice quiet walk rather than paying out for a taxi ( I assume this was the alternative?) especially if that is what he normally does. if you had asked him to get a taxi to come home as quickly as possible and he had said no, then that would be unkind and you would not be unreasonable. But I don't think you did?

Thanks for the update. I’m glad you’ve sorted things out.

That’s a great update. Glad you managed to resolve things with your husband and talk with your therapist too.

Glad you've managed to patch things up OP. And sounds like a good idea to speak to your therapist. Hope you get through the next few days okay - one day/hour at a time.