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Original poster

AIBU to feel second choice when my mother spends Christmas with her husband?

132 replies

CharlieChopadopolis · 25/08/2026 14:45

My mums husband is muslim so didn't celebrate Christmas at all until he met her. Now he partakes in celebrations but doesn't believe in the meaning behind it.

Every Christmas he works 6am to 6pm and so is out until 7pm but my mum refuses to come to me for christmas because he will be on his own 7pm to 10pm (bedtime). This means I am on my own at my house each year, no other family and can't travel to her as I have pets and the distance is far. She has said she will be round to stay for new year. I found out this is because her husband is away back home during this time.

Aibu to think she puts her husband first and I am merely second choice?

OP posts:
Ismellarathmmm · 28/08/2026 10:30

OhIHaveACopy · 28/08/2026 08:52

Well said @Millytante. My dh is from another culture from me. The first time I met his family I went to his country and it was the day of a major ceremony. I’m just trying to imagine me saying that I wasn’t going to get involved with that because I’d never done it before. That’s just not what people do. Well, unless they are big old racists I suppose.

Feel like I'm losing the plot reading some of these replies @CharlieChopadopolis
It's very hurtful, she's your mum and expecting you to spend Christmas day alone whilst her husband is at work is awful.
Can't understand people telling you to grow up and live your life.... Christmas is about family

Her mother doesn’t ‘expect her to spend Christmas Day alone’. The op can go to her mother’s house but she won’t go. Christmas is about family, her mother wants to see her husband.

Why can’t you understand that people think the OP should grow up?

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If you read the OP, the mother isnt spending it it with her husband - who is not back until 7pm

Millytante · 28/08/2026 11:27

Ismellarathmmm · 28/08/2026 10:30

If you read the OP, the mother isnt spending it it with her husband - who is not back until 7pm

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So their Christmas dinner can be an evening meal! They still presumably want each other’s company just to slob out in the sofa all evening too, like anyone else!
Poor Mr DM shouldnt be all on his tod because his wife has been forced out til late on Boxing Day (? Transport woes beyond me)
Gawd, this relentless insistence on DM having to up sticks and teleport to her daughter’s place is dreadful.

There IS a solution, involving the pets, but OP seems unwilling to contemplate it. I rest my case, as they say on tv!

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 13:31

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 27/08/2026 20:34

Because there is an element of practicalities there. Pet cover over Xmas can be very tricky. And it sounds like mother comes other times when it does suit her.

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It's not tricky if you plan it in advance. It's not like Christmas is a surprise!

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 13:32

Ismellarathmmm · 28/08/2026 10:30

If you read the OP, the mother isnt spending it it with her husband - who is not back until 7pm

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So? Maybe she wants to have dinner with DH and a cosy evening on the sofa.

OhIHaveACopy · 28/08/2026 14:33

Ismellarathmmm · 28/08/2026 10:30

If you read the OP, the mother isnt spending it it with her husband - who is not back until 7pm

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I have read it. She can’t see her husband and the OP on Christmas Day as neither of them drive and there is no public transport. So she has to either see her daughter or her husband.

If you have a husband who would leave you alone to spend Christmas Day evening and night and Boxing Day on your own after being at work then that is what works for you then that’s fine. It’s not something I would do.

Stelladid · 28/08/2026 18:03

Millytante · 28/08/2026 11:27

So their Christmas dinner can be an evening meal! They still presumably want each other’s company just to slob out in the sofa all evening too, like anyone else!
Poor Mr DM shouldnt be all on his tod because his wife has been forced out til late on Boxing Day (? Transport woes beyond me)
Gawd, this relentless insistence on DM having to up sticks and teleport to her daughter’s place is dreadful.

There IS a solution, involving the pets, but OP seems unwilling to contemplate it. I rest my case, as they say on tv!

Show quote history

There isn’t always a solution to leaving pets on Christmas Day. Many, probably most, pet sitters don’t work then. The Kennals where I leave my dogs whilst I’m away is closed over Christmas. That’s the price we pay when we choose to have dogs though. In these circumstances, my visit takes place on Boxing Day. I agree it’s unreasonable to expect OP’s mother to leave her husband on Christmas Day.

Rescuedog12 · 29/08/2026 15:11

MyLimeGuide · 25/08/2026 14:50

What pets cant be left for a day? Maybe he is controlling?

You can't leave a dog for a whole day!

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