Family fall out over ‘baby shower’

I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby.

I think fair enough she is going on the work trip. You surely can’t be annoyed at that?

You offered her a baby shower for the three of you which would be really odd and annoyed her even more as it sounds like a sore loser prize.

Just get on with having your baby. The fact that they are cross with you when you are about to give birth over a baby shower is very very mean of them. Bloody stupid baby showers and gender reveals. Load of twaddle. Never happened in my day thank God.

Thinking about it, I know my sister was a bit irritated with my best friend around my hen as my sister did all the organizing & admin for it (with a very young baby) and then my BF sort of took over on the actual weekend so I wonder if my sister’s reaction is linked to that.

And you stood by and watched it all happen.

It sounds like you take your sister massively for granted because she doesn’t have as many friends and she has had enough..

Gosh everyone just needs to chill out. I wouldn’t even bother planning who meets the baby in what order. Save your energy for your new baby.

Honestly you are all being very ott about the whole thing! Your sister needs to get over whatever the hen do beef is and get a grip about the baby shower. You need to put your feet up, enjoy the last bit of pregnancy and stop worrying about who is going to meet baby in what order.

Don't worry about your family seeing the baby. After how you have treated them I don't think they will be rushing over to see you. Why don't you just have all your friends over to see the baby.

OP, I could have written this exact post; except that I'd be your sister. It is really frustrating when this happens as it does come across as though you prioritise your friends and BF over your family.
Even saying things like : you can't help having a bigger friendship group' is part of the problem. Your family love you and want to celebrate/be there for you, but you only want this exactly on your own terms or not at all; forgetting there is often a bit more give and take in families.
I sorted this with my sister by not planning stuff for her anymore and I told her why. This was after a similar drama with both her bridal and baby showers. We get along great now, as I no longer get upset by any such issues since my expectations and realities have changed and she is probably happier her friends can organise stuff for her without me/ our Mom.
But, it really did hurt at the time and I still can't stand her best friend for cutting her family off at those important times in her life.

I have a sister like you, she's not really close to the family, similar things happened with us. She gives off an air of snutty. My other sister and I would plan days out or family things and she would always stick her nose up at things. Eventually I stopped trying and we don't talk now. There is only so much you can put yourself out there for someone before you say enough.

It does read a bit as if you want things only on your terms OP.

You cannot be surprised if family give you what you want plus some.

I think in retrospect what would have been wise was to text you sister / mom and say omg it's supposed to be a birthday meal and Mabdy has turned it into a baby shower. Just wanted to give you the heads up cos it's the first I've known sboit it"

But too late now.

I do think a baby shower for the 3 of you is odd.

Did you not consider inviting your Mom and sis to your meal given you won't get chance to celebrate with them either?

I would very much make sure no one meets the babies before the grandparents and aunts, unless once home she refuses to come. Even if that means putting friends off.

Make it clear to your sister & mum that this was sprung on you, and it is not something you wanted. If they really know and love you , they will believe you! Outrageous that they are causing you anxiety at this precious time. They should be supporting you

You put your foot down with your family who wanted to organize one with your permission but meekly rolled over when your friends ambushed your birthday celebration?

I can see why they’re a bit annoyed. I can also understand being happy about a shower planned by friends (who might be a lot more on the same page in terms of understanding what you like and not traversing boundaries) and really not wanting one planned by family. But it’s going to hurt that family when that becomes obvious.

looks like you are ok with it… and your sister and mother are not wrong

Is your mum and sister still freezing you out?

Livid and freezing out the 8 month pregnant Op for something out of her control?

As I said in my first post on this thread, it is absolutely your friends or this particular best friend who are/is the arse(s). They're the ones that need to do some apologising and bridge building. No wonder your sister is so hurt by this situation. She's been sidelined by what I'm assuming is a BF with a big character. I'd be pissed off if this happened with my sister's hen or my sister's babyshower.

You need to have a word with your bestie about this.

The OP never told her friends she didn’t want a baby shower!!!

"Since then I’ve not heard anything from my sister although I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby."

A due date is a due month. The baby can healthily arrive up to a fortnight either side. Both mine were nearly two weeks "early" so if anyone had been away for work their due date week it would've made no difference at all.

Also, you've been pretty clear about where your sister sits in the pecking order so I don't see why she should expect you to want to meet her nibling before your best mates. She's hurt. She's been sidelined.

You need to take some responsibility before this festers any further. The "it's not my fault, my friends did it all without me" then the "at my hen my sister put loads of thought and effort into it and then my BFF came in, took centre stage and took over" - you have the power to tell your friends that this kind of behaviour sucks and that you love your sister as well as your friends, it's not an either or.

Look, this whole dynamic might shift once the baby's here. I've seen it happen. Don't push your sister out of your life. Yes, she's made this work trip decision but that's in reaction to what I suspect are repeated pushing outs and she's had a gutsful.

In the words of Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen):
"Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the
People most likely to stick with you in the future"

So much drama. Honestly…. Depressing to think the people involved in this are adult. Parents no less

They turned her birthday meal into a baby shower - that sucks.
OP is in the wrong for telling her mum and sister no babyshower but not communicating that to anyone else.
The friends can still retrospectively contact the mum and sister to say "we had no idea OP had told you no babyshower, we just thought it was a nice thing to do" and they'd still be shitty for not considering inviting the mum and sister to the surprise baby shower meal in the first place.

But the friends has NO idea that the Op didn’t want one

so they tagged on a few games at the dinner arranged by the OP!!! Thus confirming they didn’t actually plan a baby shower

OP is in the wrong for telling her mum and sister no babyshower but not communicating that to anyone else.

what if no one else had mentioned doing one?!

"You know I didn't want a baby shower and I'm actually quite upset with my friends that they hijacked what was supposed to be an early birthday party into something I didn't want. I do understand that you would have wanted to be there but if you're annoyed with anyone please be annoyed with them, not me, as I was not involved in the planning and I would have said no to them if I had known. I love you both and I need your support in genuine and meaningful ways as motherhood approaches, not the silly fripperies of these American-style 'shower' events that aren't my style at all."