Family fall out over ‘baby shower’

Yeah, let's hope the mother and sister will be there for the hard and difficult times, but on their current form I'd say the chances of that happening seem pretty slim.

This reads to me that you feel youve outgrown your mum and sister and found posher friends 🥺

'Temu tat', 'nicer alcohol'

Could that be where your sister's anger with you comes from? Did you feel they embarrassed you?

And letting your friend take over your bridal shower was out of order girl 🥺 - youre supposed to show a bit of loyalty there

I wouldve let them throw me a party. So what if they like temu and balloon arches rather than expensive wine - they sound lovely and like theyve made a real effort with you and want to be there when you have your baby

In all honesty, I wouldve stopped bothering ages ago, i hate feeling like i'm embarrassing someone 🥺

Yabu

The mother and sister who were told no baby shower but then learnt via social media that her friend group organised one under the guise of an early birthday celebration.

The best friend and chief organiser of the baby/birthday celebration had previously hijacked the hen party organised by her sister. Yet it's the mother and sister fault.
The best friend who did nothing wrong yet wasn't aware @Neverendingsummer26 didn't want a baby shower.
Seems OP values her friendship group more than her family. That is her perogative. Let's hope that those friends will be there for the hard and difficult times.

I’d just tell them that it was sprung upon you by friends and you can’t control what people do as a surprise. Then I’d tell them to grow up and stop being nasty to me while I’m pregnant.

Then leave them to it. If they want to cut you out that’s their own idiocy.

I can’t help but feel sorry for your sister. Sounds like your relationship is more important to her than you. You have your friends who have a bigger role in your life, and that’s fair enough but I can understand why your sister is hurt. How would you have felt if it had been your sister taking you out for a birthday meal and then turning it into a baby shower? Your best friend sounds a bit like she has to be the main character.

I read this as OP is very self involved and lacking empathy and self awareness, as are her friends.

Your life is yours to live the way you want but it doesn't hurt to think about feelings of others a little bit.

It's her baby and her birthday, who else's terms should these things be on exactly?

OP it's fine fir you to put your foot down and express how you feel.

I'd be fuming over your family's reaction and would not be as conservative as some posters suggestions on here.

I'd tag them into a group message and state something like 'You need to understand that I knew nothing of what my friends had planned for me, so why you are holding this against me? Truely, I am in disbelief. This is a time when I should be looking forward to my last month of pregnancy and the arrival of my newborn and your reaction is tarring this over something I had no control over, so for now, let's keep our distance as I have more important things to think about'

Personally, I would struggle to get over their cuntish behaviour. Concentrate on the last weeks of your pregnancy and looking forward to seeing your baby for the first time, it is magical and mind blowing!! Congratulations

@Neverendingsummer26

This.

All the best with baby!!

If the only person you were friends with was your sister, you'd be on here in a panic about having no friends!

As a matter of interest, how often do you see your sister now that you and she are no longer living in the same house? Once a day? once a week? once a month? And your mother? (Less often than your sister sees her, evidently; you suggest at one point that they live in each other's pockets, though not in so many words.)

And your friends? More often than you see your family, perhaps?

Were they going to invite your friends to this baby shower they were planning at you? Or more likely, was your sister planning to, since my bet would be that the impetus to inflict a party you didn't want onto you came from her; she probably wanted to have a baby shower, "for" you but actually for her and your mum, that kept your best friend in the background as payback for the hen do.

I tell you for free, if any one of my adult children had prioritised me over his or her friends after he or she had left home, I'd have worried about said adult offspring and wondered what i had done wrong to cause chronic insecurity about cutting the apron strings.

Your best friend already upset your sister over the hen, letting her plan it all and then took over? Did you speak to your best friend about her behaviour and undermining of your sister?
Some best friend, who seemingly didn't know you had rejected your sister and Mum's suggestion of a baby shower?
Your sister's reaction in those circumstances are perfectly understandable. Her hard work and planning for the hen was undermined by your friend. Then the so called best friend jumps in and organised a baby shower you didn't want but went along with. She didn't let your family know or invite them.
Something is not right about this. Your sister's action by going away with work is understandable. She's hurting and given the circumstances outlined, it is no surprise.

I tend to read phrases like 'give and take' in families to just be emotional manipulation writ large

Love is about respecting people's choices and giving without control

Congratulations on your pregnancy but honestly why do people have this whole plan of who will meet baby when? What difference could it possibly make if Aunt Sally meets baby before your sister? It doesn't matter if she meets baby a week later rather than a week earlier. Also statistically you are likely to go overdue so sister may be around anyway.

On the original issue, surely you can understand why they are annoyed? I'd just reiterate to them that you didn't want it, you weren't happy about it, but you didn't want yo spoil the birthday dinner. You'd love to do a nice celebration with your DM and Dsis when baby is here.

Too sensible for this pair

"You know I didn't want a baby shower and I'm actually quite upset with my friends that they hijacked what was supposed to be an early birthday party into something I didn't want. I do understand that you would have wanted to be there but if you're annoyed with anyone please be annoyed with them, not me, as I was not involved in the planning and I would have said no to them if I had known. I love you both and I need your support in genuine and meaningful ways as motherhood approaches, not the silly fripperies of these American-style 'shower' events that aren't my style at all."

OP is in the wrong for telling her mum and sister no babyshower but not communicating that to anyone else.

what if no one else had mentioned doing one?!

But the friends has NO idea that the Op didn’t want one

so they tagged on a few games at the dinner arranged by the OP!!! Thus confirming they didn’t actually plan a baby shower

They turned her birthday meal into a baby shower - that sucks.
OP is in the wrong for telling her mum and sister no babyshower but not communicating that to anyone else.
The friends can still retrospectively contact the mum and sister to say "we had no idea OP had told you no babyshower, we just thought it was a nice thing to do" and they'd still be shitty for not considering inviting the mum and sister to the surprise baby shower meal in the first place.

So much drama. Honestly…. Depressing to think the people involved in this are adult. Parents no less

"Since then I’ve not heard anything from my sister although I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby."

A due date is a due month. The baby can healthily arrive up to a fortnight either side. Both mine were nearly two weeks "early" so if anyone had been away for work their due date week it would've made no difference at all.

Also, you've been pretty clear about where your sister sits in the pecking order so I don't see why she should expect you to want to meet her nibling before your best mates. She's hurt. She's been sidelined.

You need to take some responsibility before this festers any further. The "it's not my fault, my friends did it all without me" then the "at my hen my sister put loads of thought and effort into it and then my BFF came in, took centre stage and took over" - you have the power to tell your friends that this kind of behaviour sucks and that you love your sister as well as your friends, it's not an either or.

Look, this whole dynamic might shift once the baby's here. I've seen it happen. Don't push your sister out of your life. Yes, she's made this work trip decision but that's in reaction to what I suspect are repeated pushing outs and she's had a gutsful.

In the words of Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen):
"Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the
People most likely to stick with you in the future"