AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

I can see that there are significant doubts about the OP's "situation" but the question itself is worth considering.

I do think there is a saturation point at which additional income stops correlating to greater happiness/contentment or at least that the effect reduces a lot. Otherwise properly rich folk wouldn't get divorced, have addiction issues, mental health issues etc. Yet many of them do.

But I think OP is being shortsighted by saying "this just feels normal". I'm fairly comfortably off (nothing like 5M income but no mortgage or debt, lots of extra going into pension, was able to pay off my son's student loan etc. So pretty bloody privileged. I work hard for it but I'm still very lucky to have bought property at the right time, husbsnd and i have both inherited some too.) It is easy to take it for granted as you just start fretting about the next thing. Have I got enough in my pension to retire at x age and have the same lifestyle? Can I save enough for house deposits for kids and if so how much? Can I justify splurging on another holiday this year?

And there are things that money can't solve on their own. I'm lying in bed trying to gee myself up for a gym class. No one can do exercise for me and I'd be stiff and unfit without it! I can't eat what I fancy or I'd get fat. I can't drink as much booze as I'd like or I'd be unhealthy. I need to get off my phone and improve my mental health by reading books and decluttering - money can't do that stuff for me. I still worry about my kids. My son has just split up with his girlfriend and is really down. My daughter is struggling with puberty and self consciousness and very tearful. I can't just chuck money at them to make it all better. I have to actually support and parent them like any other mother would.

I have to make myself take a step back, give my head a wobble (mumsnet favourite) and appreciate that I am actually very fortunate and have a lovely life which I would miss a lot if my income dropped.

Riches may not being happiness but poverty sure brings misery. As the saying goes, when money walks out if the door, love flies out of the window.

This should have been your OP it’s more interesting.

She’s a cancer doctor in USA.
where thousands of people are bankrupted by their cancer treatments
where thousands can’t even afford the best care for their cancer
where, fgs, thousands of people can’t afford insulin
is it fair to be paid that much, by a bloated system of health insurance, when it means poorer people have to live with fear of becoming ill and how on earth they pay for their care.

not a decison this lady has to make. Food/mortgage/bills or paying for medical care

we used to have a system like this pre nhs. Albeit not as bloated. Our health outcomes, life spans etc, even in today’s nhs , are much better. for everyone. Regardless of income or having a job that covers your medical insurance.

there is one thing getting paid well, and higher for doing such a difficult and critical job. It is entirely another ball game where wage differential is so high between those at professional/executive level vs rest of workers. It would be very interesting to compare her lifestyle and salary to oncologist nurses!

Quite frankly I'd rather have the challenge of too much money than not enough. Facing a lifetime of working too long to pay the bills and look after everyone else, after having lost youth and precious time with family just to work, and not being able to afford to actually live a life rather than just live to work. At least the other way some people could limit work, take time to live before it's too late and do something valuable and meaningful to help others instead.

I don't believe its all roses with money but I know the relief of not struggling and I know how facing a never-ending battle feels. I know which I'd rather have. When faced with the possibility of life being gone in an instant, I'd rather have been able to live and do some good. Just a tenth of OPs household income just for one year would completely change the entire life of an entire family for the rest of our lives, which is such a sad thought.

Imagine making all that sacrifice, some people losing out on spending time with family while they are alive or sacrificing even having a family of their own purely for working to survive and support extended family, but still not having even a few percent of this type of income. Lower income doesn't mean lesser struggles or lesser sacrifice.

I'm not sure average UK income of sub £40k in today's world can be compared to income 50x that, and that's even ignoring the overall household income.

Look at the return of stocks like NVDA (852% over last 5 years, SNDK (2,800% last 12 months) MU, WDC... so it can be done if you pick the right investments in your portfolio.

@ForLoudBrickMemberThere is a lot of stuff it is very easy to take for granted when you’ve been wealthy for a long time. Access to healthcare. No worry about losing your home. Not worrying about paying for weekly food shops without. Yes being wealthy doesn’t mean happiness, but there are some pretty major stresses being on the breadline which you’re no longer subjected to. Also not shaming you here. It’s human nature to adjust to a new normal. But it helps to pause on occasion and reflect

I have not been a millionaire but certainly more comfortable in life than l am now. It makes very little difference. Would l like more money yes as l would not have to think about it so much or have to skimp all the time looking for cheaper ways to live. Having said that it makes very little difference to happiness for me so l would not want to compromises happiness for more money and happily share out of the little l have now. I would not live in the USA come back to England or somewhere in Europe for all its faults it is a less money orientated place.

Many rich people say this. I guess it must have some truth.
I long for an end to the worry about money. I've also read about what happens to lottery winners who are unwise enough to tell people about their win (the leeches, the criminals, the "long-lost buddies" who suddenly reappear after 20 years)

One thing is that you've worked incredibly hard for your money: so you deserve it, but that work took a lot of your time and where we work shapes us - frequently not in a good way.

Just enjoy your life if you can. I disagree with those who envy your money

If oncologists get a million a year in the USA that explains a) why a cure hasn't been found for cancer yet; and b) why American health insurance is so expensive. In answer to the original question I am not sure who said it ( WC Fields, HL Mencken, Thurber, or someone like that, I guess), but 'Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery bearable'. My own experience of the issue is that I have met and worked with a lot of rich people, but I have always found them to be rather unattractive personalities (possibly because they are focused on getting rich). Losers like most of the people in our small village in the foothills of the Alps tend to be nicer people, largely because very often the reason they have no money is because they were busy helping people and the community instead.

"Investments can go down as well as up"...

OMG! OP, You really love yourself. Do
you realise that you are looking down on hard working ordinary decent folk who aren't privileged to be in your position. You are insensitive and completely out of touch. Get a grip of yourself! Donate to a local hospice or local charity if the money is too much of a burden. Do something good for other folk!!

I was born poor raised poor, so im pretty sure I can survive where others would struggle.

Ok, probably not a route to replicate then!

I think being wealthy leaves you alot more opportunities and less things to be unhappy about. I'm in a council house (that is full of damp) due to an abusive relationship and put my career on hold to raise my kids as he done nothing and now i am left with nothing, no great job, no pension and no home - so i would love to be wealthy to a certain extent just to afford my own home for myself and kids and give them a better standard of life x

So stop working- both of you. Enjoy life. Forget about keeping up with others. At the end of your life you will replay your happy times, not your work. Start making memories.

We couldn't afford a holiday this year OP, after buying a home at the grand age of 40. The house is small and needs work. My treat is a coffee during the dog walk. But I am content enough for now and happy that i am not at the mercy of a landlord.

If you've got money, most problems can be fixed by throwing money at them. Sorry you're having trouble seeing the bigger picture.

I’m sorry, but what an absolute ridiculous thread. If you are that wealthy why not just retire. Spend time as you choose with the people who matter, see the world, do whatever you please comfortably??

seems like you want to either attention seek
or flaunt your wealth- what ever it is, it’s weird .

Wealth & richness isn't about finances 💚

I think you've misunderstood the point I was making. I wasn't suggesting that there are no differences in average intelligence between people in different occupations, so I'm not sure how the comparison between 100 oncologists and 100 minimum-wage workers addresses what I actually said.

I was responding specifically to the original wording: "You just wouldn’t be able to get anyone intelligent, hard working etc to do the job if the pay was the same as in the UK." To me, that suggests that people who would be willing to do the same job, in the same location, for a lower salary would, by implication, be less intelligent or hardworking. That's the assumption I was challenging.

I completely accept that an undesirable location may need to offer higher salaries to attract enough qualified people to fill particular roles. But there's an important distinction between how much you need to pay to attract enough people to fill roles and the qualities of the people who would still choose to do those roles for less money.

For example, I wouldn't assume that a teacher working for a relatively low salary in a struggling, deprived school in the US Midwest is less intelligent or hardworking than a teacher at a prestigious private school in New York simply because the latter earns more and is in a more desirable location. The Midwest teacher may actively choose that job because they care about working with disadvantaged children. People choose jobs for all sorts of reasons other than maximising their income.

And this is really my point about the public sector in the UK. It may well struggle to attract enough applicants for some roles because equivalent jobs in the private sector pay more. But that doesn't mean that the people who choose to do those jobs in the public sector are less intelligent or hardworking than the people who choose the better-paid private-sector equivalent. It just means that different people place different values on income, public service, job satisfaction, location, family, work-life balance, etc.

So I think your comparison with minimum-wage workers misses the distinction I'm making. I'm not arguing that occupation has no relationship with intelligence or earnings. I'm saying that salary is not a proxy for intelligence or work ethic when comparing people capable of doing the same job, and that's what I understood the original comment to imply.

OP, I think it's easy to equilibrate to a norm that doesn't reflect other people's norm.

I early a 6 figure salary as a medical consultant in the UK, but I grew up in a household where money was tight (although only realising that looking back) and have been poor enough to be on benefits for a few years (and sufficiently poor to have got benefits in the summer holidays while I was at medical school).

Things that I recognise as a great privilege compared to my previous life

If something needs replacing in the house, up to and including something very expensive like a boiler, I can just pay for that immediately from savings and not have to think for a moment about it.

If I want to upgrade my PC I just do it, no waiting until it's old and practically obsolete.

Shopping - my parents used to do a supermarket shop, a butcher's shop and a greengrocery shop, making sure that everything they bought was the best value. I do one online shop a week and just chuck whatever I fancy into the trolley, never considering whether I need to put something back or cut back somewhere else to balance that spending.

I am a cold person, and have the heating on a lot. When the bill comes in, I don't care if it says that my bill will be going up by £50 or £100 per month. Heating is definitely my luxury.

Being able to help my family financially without it denting my lifestyle . Admittedly I lead a fairly modest lifestyle, but even if I was a bit more frivolous I could do this.

I think you are in a very privileged position, and don't recognise it because the circles you move in are equally privileged.

I’d love that level of freedom. You are very lucky and I’m jealous.

The wealthiest person I know, who owns several properties, 2 cars for her personal use and 2 horses, for example, is constantly complaining about how terribly poor she is. She's incredibly miserly. Some people will never feel that they have as much money as they deserve, basically. There's always someone who's richer than they are, and I think they find that very hard to take.

OP probably needs to distance herself from her peer group and to make some new friends. And I would definitely recommend getting involved with a charity. The best way for OP to give to those who really need it is for her to continue in her current job, but donate a good part of her income. Then enjoy a nice but not ludicrous lifestyle without guilt - she'll be making a real difference.

Exactly this

Is this an example of humble bragging?

This is a ridiculous post! LOL. I’m American, and oncologists DO NOT make 1mil a year, especially not “partner” oncologists! This is laughable. More like 400-500k a year. And if you live in an “undesirable” area, as stated, it’s even less, not more. Doctors make more money in high market cities, just like every other job. And a million a year off investments?? Would your name happen to be Warren Buffett? I think not, but thanks for the laugh!