To not want to spend more money on horses?

If his wife wasn't such a princess, it would cost £2.99 for a packet of baby wipes, £1.99 for a box of latex gloves and £1.55 for a bottle of BP liquid paraffin (from the pharmacy, not the stuff for lamps).

OP just another thought if costs have skyrocketed unexpectedly...

How often do you go to the yard? How well do you know "your" horses, could you pick them out of a lineup?
"Secret" horses are a thing, you would be the first and I doubt you'd be the last, to own more than you realised.

Children really don't get a vote in these circumstances. It's the adults who are paying for this.

I wanted to learn to play the piano when I was a child. We didn't have the room for a piano (no weighted electric keyboards in those days) and my parents couldn't afford a piano. I was allowed to play an alternative instrument.

If I'm understanding correctly, the OP has had to take on extra work already. If the wife is insistent, then she needs to work more in order to afford this expensive hobby.

I think you've already compromised enough by going back to work today extra day to pay for the horses.

You need an honest chat with her and agree a solution together.

My friend has horses at home. I would not want to live her life. Or spend that money. She, and her 3 daughters, love it. Her DH is happy to spend his money on the horses as it makes his girls happy. I know he'd prefer to spend the money on other things though.

YANBU to refuse to live in rural isolation amid piles of horse dung but YABU to complain about working full time. Most of us manage it.

I’d rather pay into a mortgage on the land so it’s yours eventually and you get any growth in value rather than pour money down the drain on livery.

How do your wife’s plans feature in your longer term financial planning? Your daughters will likely need university expenses covering in a few years’ time. What is the impact of this horse-related expenditure on your retirement planning? You should be looking to clear your mortgage asap to cover those costs and build your savings. Your wife’s costings were already woefully inaccurate. In your shoes I’d be looking to wind back expenditure, not adding to it. It’s easy to miss the longer term impact in your 40s and it’s almost too late to change course by your 50s.

My horses are 20&27. They are very very very expensive ornaments.

Why should you be working so hard to fund a lifesyle you hate? If they want horses, let them work to earn the money to pay for it. You already know that the horse life is an endless money pit. The demands and debts will pile up. I know someone this happened to, including the move to a rural area and everything else. The resentment grew so great they eventually split.

A marriage has to involve compromise. You need to find a way to compromise on the horses.

This is great advice.

I suggest OP talks to a couple of stable owners in his area to get an idea of what is possible on his budget without upending his life completely.

Happy wife, happy life. Your choice …

I agree that it's time to cut back it is a huge expense does your wife have any plans to retire at all? All that money could be saved for retirement

There's no right answer OP.
... Just wanted to say that you sound like a very nice person ☺️

I agree with you. I'm not a horse person either.

It’s the livery that’s the expensive part. Find a DIY yard. It would be madness to move to a house with land without the experience of looking after the horses yourselves all the time.
I have horses and have never had them in livery always at home. Which is lucky in many ways and a lot cheaper but it’s a major commitment that i basically plan my life around.

What anlut the impact on your life OP? Being unable to go away because the horses need care, constant horse care activity going on at home, the smell, the early starts, the events taking up so much time and brain space. must already be crap with them off at the livery all weekend. I feel for you, you seem abandoned and used as a cash machine.

I totally agree with you,always done it myself, however now the age of equine willy washers they charge £50, iam guessing the horse wasnt keen and had to be iv sedated by vet , so with bet callout visit, dom & torb is expensive, thats the other £150!
These people are no way ready to have their horses at home

Very very sadly, this could be the end of your marriage. If they are obsessed, it's highly likely they'll prioritise the horses and ignore your wishes. That's the danger of obsession, it becomes an addiction.

If you go with it, the resentment will eat away any love for your wife and the frustration will rule your life.

I think it's reach the point where only counselling might be your saviour.

YANBU for having limits and not agreeing to move house - further, huge expense - for wife’s hobby and lifestyle.

Wife is U to push for so much more than you originally agreed to and not to work full time when costs are so high. Still U if you’re rich.

Has its dangers and drawbacks as a hobby for the DC, and anyway you’re already supporting the hobby.

I think you have hit the tipping point now, if you are have to work extra to subsidise their hobby it’s time for a family discussion about what they are going to do to reduce the costs

Sorry, but I had to smile at ‘animals looking at me through my kitchen window’. 😁

I loved horses as a girl and had a couple of lessons, but my parents couldn’t afford it so that was that. Did I resent them forevermore? No, I just accepted it as the way things were.

Horse ownership often strikes me as something from a bygone era, unless you have inherited your own land, have a very high disposable income or take on board some of the excellent advice on doing it cheaply, upthread. It’s not the 1930s when land was as cheap as chips and you could hire a groom for a couple of pounds a week and a crummy room above the stables…

I read a post on the tack room board where someone’s partner was complaining about her horse-owning costs. She explained her budget and it turned out that she was claiming government tax credits for her children, yet somehow managing to keep a horse. Where do you start with that? It was delusional and she clearly couldn’t afford it.

I can see that horses are wonderful for keeping teenagers busy but other extracurricular activities offer similar benefits, are cheaper, easier to keep going in adulthood or lead more directly to career pathways. If you become good at music you can do that at university or anywhere that other musicians might hang out. There are also quite broad career options in teaching or performing. Every secondary school in the land has a music teacher and a rotating cast of instrumental teachers. The qualifications can be put on an application form and carry UCAS points above Grade 6. It can be easily picked up or put down around exams or other commitments. Horses aren’t the only route to happy, busy and engaged teens.

No particular advice apart from:
a) don’t move house, just don’t do it;
b) consider part-loaning out the horses to reduce the costs;
c) don’t replace them if one of them is no longer around.

What @PatchworkCow said. We had three horses growing up. They were out all year round, my dad built them a shelter, fenced the field once (I don’t think the fence has ever needed mending and that was thirty years ago), and sectioned it off using moveable electric fencing for rotating grazing, they had a stream in the field so no carting water. They weren’t shod, we hacked off-road, and they were only insured against damage to other people. They weren’t clipped so weren’t rugged. They got hay in winter that we grew and the farmer down the road cut it in exchange for taking some of it himself. We didn’t poop-scoop in the field and we put the neighbour’s sheep on it sometimes instead of topping it. We did muck out the shelter. We pulled out ragwort ourselves and we walked the field every day naturally just walking the dog, so you pulled up ragwort if you saw it. We got the vet if needed but honestly I think they hardly ever needed them. There is no way they cost the sort of money people are listing here, and when we went on holiday they stayed out as they always were out, and we got a friend/family member to pop over twice a week to check nothing had happened.

Your wife is being v unreasonable.
The problem is, not only the cost of the property, as you rightly say but the extras you will "need".

I had my horse at home. We didn't buy the property to bring her home, we bought it to build business premises on as well.
She came home and the muck heap grew disproportionately for 1 horse 🤣. I used to square it off but dh wanted to spread it on the land. So he bought a tractor. Then he bought harrowing chains and various attachments for the tractor. He was happy to do this but do not underestimate the ongoing costs. I'm sure you haven't but your wife may well have minimised them.

Yes, it is lovely having them at home but it isn't the be all and end all.

Well, I don’t think he was very nice to frame his AIBU as I should agree to my wife's demand.

Is she ‘demanding’? Demanding to move makes her sound like an unreasonable bad tempered harridan. But if she’s asking or requesting or suggesting or even pleading, then you are BU and not v nice person.