To not want to spend more money on horses?

I can’t get past “sheath cleaning” 🤢🤢🤢

Would a good stepping stone be moving to DIY livery, or at least much lower level input that the current 5 day livery and see how that goes. Put the difference in costs aside towards future move if that seems like the right choice late on. Yes, there’ll be travel time on diy, but when it’s your land there’ll be maintenance.

This ! @ our house but its cats ! Omg ...have said before why does everybody take their brain out when it comes to animals ? I say this as a vegetarian too...I love critters , thats why I don't eat them,but only the wild ones , I absolutely do not want to look after a domesticated animal . "Our" cat costs more than me each year to keep ...a 3K recent vets bill to have his tail amputated after he ran in front of a car , as a recent example. Hopefully he only has one more life left . Stand your ground buddy, this " horse thing" is only going to escalate !!

So you basically would only marry someone who bankrolled your hugely expensive hobby 100%? Ew.

Can you imagine a man saying that?

I might get into sheath cleaning if it pays £200 a pop (hopefully not quite literally)

That’s a particularly twisted way to interpret it. It seems sensible to have had the discussions and agreement about lifestyle and finances before marriage and children. That would have stopped a lot of the issues we see on MN regarding joint finances.

Discussions, yes. Couldn't agree more.

Saying "You must pay 100% of my horse costs if we get married. Non negotiable" is not a discussion though.

Hard no from me OP. But then I am very cynical that most, if any, horses actually enjoy being ridden. Some tolerate it, of course. I personally would not like a hobby that involved an animal coerced into something they don't want to do.

Wow. So you literally married him in order to fund a hobby you could never have afforded by yourself?

OP this whole situation is mental. Horses cost what you want them to cost, basically.

I had horses. I wanted all the bells and whistles too but I couldn't afford it. So, [shocker] - I didn't have them! It was 5yrs ago so prices will have risen a bit and I live in a cheap area, but I kept two for £3.5k total per year. Prior to that in an expensive area of the country it cost that much for just one.

Both had health issues, which were managed with herbs, creams, sprays, exercise and good levels of basic horse care. I did absolutely everything myself.

I didn't compete unless I could ride to the venue. Transport was only hired if I was moving to a new yard too far away to ride (so 25+ miles away, under that and they were got fit and ridden there). They didn't have shoes and I deliberately bought horses with hard feet so that I could get away with that, by also limiting roadwork by ensuring I was on yards with off-road hacking and arena or field to ride in.

They had two seconds hand saddles each, one that fitted for winter after the annual diet and one for summer when they'd naturally get quite fat. They never saw a saddler because I've got eyes in my head and could adequately tell when I needed to swap the saddles over. Because the tack was thoroughly cleaned monthly at a minimum, it never broke so it never needed replacing.

Because I took good care of the horses and because I bought tough types, a lot of the types of niggly everyday problems that tend to crop up with horses just didn't. It's surprising how much of that can be avoided by good care, including adequate work after a suitable fitness program and decent first aid in a timely manner. In their lifetimes they saw a vet once and twice respectively for a small cut in an awkward place that may have become infected and twice each for a contagious disease brought to the yard by someone else's horse, which they then caught. Other than that they saw the vet annually for vaccines and every second year they had teeth rasping. Farrier for a trim 4 times a year.

Stabled nights and out days all year round, except for a month or two in summer when they'd be out 24/7 and a month in winter when the fields were shut and they were in 24/7 and exercised daily by me.

No insurance except free public liability cover obtained by joining an organisation and I always knew there'd be no veterinary treatment other than that which could be provided at the yard. Had a disaster occurred they'd have had to be PTS, not operated on and lengthy recuperation. One was PTS due to advanced arthritis in old age and the other in middle age due to lifelong behavioural issues (would have been unethical to sell and not in horse's best interests) when my own health failed and I couldn't keep horses any more.

There's absolutely no need whatsoever to spend £25k/year. It's entirely possible to live a modified version of The Dream and be totally happy. There's no need to work yourself into the ground or bankrupt yourself to be involved with horses, especially when you're not even the horsey one!

My suggestion is the competitions stop, except one outing a year as a treat, then you can forget about the endless ongoing transport costs too. The DC can share a horse, which means owning one big enough for the larger DC and calm enough for the least capable rider. Tough shit if that isn't the horse of their dreams, it's still a horse, which is more than the majority of DC get.

Your wife could have whatever type of horse she can afford the running costs for on her wages from her disposable income after all family related bills (including for DC's horse) are paid by you both. It's literally her hobby, you don't have to fund it. If she's got any sense and kindness, it'll be a horse that at least one of the DC can ride safely occasionally, so the DC can ride together sometimes and not always have to go with mum if they want company. It also helps with exercising the horses if mum is short of time.

Your family need to get a grip. You're not a cash cow and the family isn't rich enough to be able to live The Dream to full and complete effect. It's time they accepted that and stopped being so selfish.

That is expensive! Why can't they do the ponies themselves that's just lazy, I have had horses for nearly 50 years they are hard work and expensive but I always did my own even after school!

If the horses were at home they would I assume do them themselves?

I would insist they put the horses on DIY for at least a month in winter then see if they want there own house with stables!

I've done both and it's lovely running out early in your pj's to feed horses then go back to bed, but they will be mucking out feeding, haynets, clearing fields of crap I'm assuming they just rock up and ride at the moment.

It's a whole different ball game having them at home you have no support structure so hay, bedding, feed everything is down to you to organise I'm guessing they have no idea what it takes to organise this.

It's not just living in the countryside is it! You are responsible for living animals that are time consuming and expensive

OP you need to put your foot down, this is almost abusive. She is telling you that she doesn’t care at all about what you want or need, or your hopes and dreams, she just sees you as someone to foot the bill. You need to stop seeing her as a partner because she’s not. She’s bleeding you dry and to be perfectly honest I think you should LTB and see how far she gets when she has to fund this lifestyle by herself. It’s sounding like delusions of grandeur that she wants this life she can’t afford and I’m disgusted with some of the batshit answers you’ve had, I can only imagine some posters are on (horse) glue.

I’d be suggesting moving to DIY initially so that you at least get a good idea of what looking after them full time involves . My sister and I have owned continuously now for 47 yrs so I do appreciate the costs involved and the work , at one point we had 4 on DIY . I’d also suggests that one of them learn to clean a sheath , it’s really not rocket science .

Oh and stop footing the bill for the current status quo! I agree with those pps who say get the horses onto DIY livery. It’ll give DW a dose of reality and save your money.

Not much to add except your sheath cleaner totally saw your wife coming - I also have a ‘sensitive boy’, (TB wimp), and our sheath cleaning lady charges a flat rate of £35.

He obviously agreed so why assume he wasn’t happy to do so?

IME the majority actually do prefer to be ridden than retired. So long as they're kept healthy, fit enough for the workload, doing work they enjoy and ridden by someone who's riding doesn't cause them pain. (Unfortunately a lot do not meet this basic criteria, which is perhaps where the "happier not being ridden" perspective sometimes comes from).

A lot of horses are thoroughly bored left in the field and cause various issues with other horses/the land/fences etc because of it, as well as sometimes being more difficult to handle for their owners.

Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole - in terms of the type of work or level of athletic performance required - inadequate basic care or equipment that doesn't fit, and inadequate skill in the rider are the factors that I see causing a horse to not want to be ridden. For instance the amount of people who claim their horse hates arena training, then you watch them ride and see a horse bored out of its brains with their unimaginative training schedule, or misbehaving due to pain or lack of fitness.

There's the odd few horses I've come across who genuinely don't particularly enjoy working at all in any capacity and would rather be left to their own devices, but I've found the majority are far happier being in some form of work. The life of a domestic horse bears little resemblance to that of a wild one. Whilst most creatures may prefer to live their natural life as nature intended, in the case of the domestic horse that isn't really possible and routine alongside regular exercise seems to be the next best option IMO.

It's a whole different ball game having them at home you have no support structure so hay, bedding, feed everything is down to you to organise I'm guessing they have no idea what it takes to organise this.

This, above.

Also don't underestimate the time and expense and hassle involved in field maintenance. You can't just hire someone for harrowing, fertilising, weed/poisonous plants control, field topping, hedge cutting, fence repairing, hay making (if applicable). As a person with a relatively tiny amount of land (compared to a commercial farm) your family will be way down the bottom of the list of people's priorities, so be prepared to do all that sort of thing yourself on your days off. And nobody in the history of time itself has ever managed to hire someone long term to collect the poo from the fields, because it's a backbreaking, unenjoyable task.

You'll have the hassle of insurance, because you're responsible for injury of anyone on your land, whether there by permission or not. Horses also have strict liability in terms of public liability. Meaning you're liable as owner/land owner/horse keeper for any damages caused - even by them being deliberately let out or accidentally escaping. There doesn't have to be negligence on your part.

You may have to deal with fly tipping (if it's on your land, it's now yours) and evicting unwanted visitors who've managed to gain access to camp on your land.

There's a reason a lot of people keep horses on livery yards, despite the social hassles and compromises in horse care that can bring. It's not just the cost of houses with land.

I called horses a hobby, up thread, but it's really more of a lifestyle. You'll give up a lot for it (opportunities, experiences, other hobbies, some friends, other luxuries... or sometimes even life's basics, careers and having DC in some cases) and so the whole thing only works if you really really want it and are happy for your life to revolve around horses and their needs.

But surely lifestyle preferences can change, especially over a large period of time and this couple has clearly been together for a while! Attitudes to money can also change depending on circumstances. It's impossible to anticipate everything before you commit to a marriage!

I don't think it was that situation at all! How would her husband know how much sheath cleaning costs, advantage taken sad but unfortunately true

Prob best not google "sheath beans" 😂

With no opposable thumbs (or even hands), one cannot deal with one's own knob cheese 😜. One of the least glamorous aspects of horse ownership!

They are not attractive and can't believe the size of some of them I mean that must be so uncomfortable

I'm not being funny but I would seriously consider scrubbing any old sheath for £200, I would even spray it with my favourite perfume afterwards