Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel ambushed into providing child care

136 replies

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

OP posts:
Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:03

I've told him I can't do it. Did it by text as I'm a chicken but he took it well. It was the way he asked that really wound me up, just turning up not even checking I was free or even at home. I'd just got back from work.

He's my sisters ex. I dont mind helping out but a full week with such short notice (and no emergency) and the expectation that I'd be free just felt like he was really cheeky

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 24/08/2026 22:04

I think that is very cheeky and I would not have agreed to anything if he put you on the spot like that. His brother let him down and not sure where your sister fits into all this but why is it your responsibility? At the very least I would make him pay for a pet sitter so your nephew can stay with you and you do not have to relocate. It seems unfair to leave your DD for the whole week especially if she relies on the car from time to time and why should you have to lug your work stuff over there. If he loses money it will teach him to sort out his childcare first in the future before booking holidays. Or he could have booked it while his son was off school and taken him with him.

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:08

His brother is known yo be a bit flakey when it comes to plans so no idea why he thought asking him was a good idea

OP posts:
Ilovelifeverymuch · 24/08/2026 22:13

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:08

His brother is known yo be a bit flakey when it comes to plans so no idea why he thought asking him was a good idea

I'm assuming your sister doesn't have contact or involvement with the child?

Sam9769 · 24/08/2026 22:16

Stick with the two days you agreed and he'll have to find someone else for the other three!

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 24/08/2026 22:20

Well done @chasegirl.

likelysuspect · 24/08/2026 22:25

AggroPotato · 24/08/2026 20:46

Of course he doesn't, you have a fanny. It's your job to save him from his own disorganisation.

Why are you agreeing to do something you don't want to do? This is not your problem.

Show quote history

Is that right? He organised childcare with his own brother OP said. A man. Not with a fanny

The man let him down, its not his disorganisation

He shouldnt put it on OP of course but your comment is ridiculous.

PrettyLittleRose · 24/08/2026 22:26

Just say you cannot do it @chasegirl

.

Shinyandnew1 · 24/08/2026 22:28

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:03

I've told him I can't do it. Did it by text as I'm a chicken but he took it well. It was the way he asked that really wound me up, just turning up not even checking I was free or even at home. I'd just got back from work.

He's my sisters ex. I dont mind helping out but a full week with such short notice (and no emergency) and the expectation that I'd be free just felt like he was really cheeky

If he’s your sister’s ex and he is a single dad, I presume your sister has sadly died-was this recently?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 24/08/2026 22:29

PrettyLittleRose · 24/08/2026 22:26

Just say you cannot do it @chasegirl

.

Edited

You didn't have to guess, you could have just read the OP's posts!

He asked his brother first.

OP already said no.

JHITRM77 · 24/08/2026 22:29

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:24

I wouldn't lose money I'd still be able to work. It's the last minute asking, expecting me to drop my life for those days

Tbh if he's been dropped in it at the last-minute and has to scrabble for childcare he's not done anything wrong in asking. He's not expecting you to drop everything to help him from what you've said, he's told you what he needs and asked for help. That's okay for family I think. It's also okay for you to say sorry I can't help 🤷‍♀️

RedToothBrush · 24/08/2026 22:29

Rachelshair · 24/08/2026 20:18

Just say no, what is the issue.

This.

You said yes. That's on you.

Learn to say no and don't get walked all over.

likelysuspect · 24/08/2026 22:30

And here is the village in action I see. Not OP as such, but the other posters.

RedToothBrush · 24/08/2026 22:31

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:24

I wouldn't lose money I'd still be able to work. It's the last minute asking, expecting me to drop my life for those days

Still not your fucking problem. I wouldn't feel guilty about someone else ineptitude.

If he's been let down, still not your problem.

I guarantee he wouldn't do the same for you and would say no.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 24/08/2026 22:33

He had something planned and it fell through and is now desperately trying to find something else. The way he asked might not have been nice but he is presumably panicking.

the nephew is 12, is he able to make his own way to and from school and can you work as normal. If you don’t need to cancel things I would try and make it work and it gives you an opportunity to connect with your nephew.

otherwise what is your daughter doing? Would she be available to do it ?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/08/2026 22:37

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:08

His brother is known yo be a bit flakey when it comes to plans so no idea why he thought asking him was a good idea

You're very kind, I wouldn't be doing any of it. You shouldn't feel any guilt if he can't go or loses money.

KWaldron · 24/08/2026 22:53

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:19

Guilt, he could lose money

Not your problem. You aren't available, even if you wanted to cover.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 24/08/2026 22:56

You say, Other parent not around. You mean your sister?
Does BiL have full and sole custody? Is he a lone parent?
I'd be taking that into consideration. Single parents seldom get proper breaks. Looks like he had it sorted then his own brother fucked him over last minute. I feel sorry for the boy, actually. I wouldn't want him feeling like he's a burden, a football getting tossed around, and would likely have him at mine whole week and tell BiL to put pets into kennel or cancel holiday. I'd then make it an amazing week for my nephew and get my 19-year old on board.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2026 23:02

Well done.

Tabbitha · 24/08/2026 23:17

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

He could even God forbid, take his child with him on holiday?

Tabbitha · 24/08/2026 23:21

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:03

I've told him I can't do it. Did it by text as I'm a chicken but he took it well. It was the way he asked that really wound me up, just turning up not even checking I was free or even at home. I'd just got back from work.

He's my sisters ex. I dont mind helping out but a full week with such short notice (and no emergency) and the expectation that I'd be free just felt like he was really cheeky

Where is your sister in all this?

OneNewEagle · 24/08/2026 23:26

Well I would have wanted to spend the week with my nephew so I would have said yes. Especially if for whatever reason my sister, his mum, is not in his life. I’d also start organising things properly to have him a few days her and there to spend quality time with him and for his dad to get a bit of a break. I was a lone parent, it is beyond hard.

OneNewEagle · 24/08/2026 23:28

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:36

Other parent not around

Where is your sister?

LejlaKapovic · 24/08/2026 23:54

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

Say no? It doesn't seem complicated. He asked, you can say no. For whatever reason. I wouldn't do it.

squarecrow · 24/08/2026 23:57

Tabbitha · 24/08/2026 23:17

He could even God forbid, take his child with him on holiday?

Show quote history

I know right?