Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

230 replies

Sam17062002 · 20/08/2026 23:41

For some background context, I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice. Once last year for a week and once this year for 10 nights. Both times my partner has opted out in coming due to personal extended family issues.
now my partner has decided he wants to go away in October for a week on his own to “somewhere with a sunbed where he can do nothing” am I being unreasonable in thinking this is selfish? Me and my partner have already been away for a weekend without the children and he has actually never been away with the kids.
I know I probably haven’t explained this the best but I am feeling annoyed that he thinks it’s acceptable to go away without even considering me or the kids

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 22/08/2026 12:25

Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:04

ive Recently moved house, it is rented and he did not want to put his name down on anything so I did tell him he would have to go back to his mums until he wanted to do things properly, there is a lot more context to our relationship and I’d spend forever trying to write it all down but he’s very stuck in his ways and has verbally voiced that he wants nothing to do with my parents, whom I am very close with.
when we first got together I did genuinely believe I’d found an amazing person whom treated my daughter like his own but when I fell pregnant with the others the rose tinted glasses soon fell off, we have been in this cycle for years now and it is mentally draining but I have definitely come to the conclusion that I’m not being unreasonable about this holiday

You are unreasonable to keep this man in your life. He absolutely shits on you.

QuietComet · 22/08/2026 12:32

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 11:53

@QuietComet that isn’t true, but there’s been so much damage done now, I’m drained mentally. Suppose that’s what happens when you’re constantly disappointed by another’s behaviour

That sounds awful, and I can imagine it must be draining, I wasn't having a go, I was genuinely curious is there was a reason to stay?

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 12:46

@QuietCometi used to truly believe things would change, that he would be more affectionate, more attentive like he was when we first got together but the constant cycle is ( he moves out, we don’t speak for a few weeks, he tells me that he things need to change and I agree because both of us play a part, he comes back home and everything’s okay for two weeks and then we start living like roommates/ Co parents
it’s my own fault, I keep holding on to what things were like when we got together

OP posts:
RP2211 · 22/08/2026 12:57

You need to sack him off. He will never change. Your parents are right not to like him. It's damaging to your mental health and your children's.

Homemerge · 22/08/2026 13:11

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 11:53

@QuietComet that isn’t true, but there’s been so much damage done now, I’m drained mentally. Suppose that’s what happens when you’re constantly disappointed by another’s behaviour

So come on. Finish it. You could have done that by now surely.

Have you ever had a healthy relationship with a man? What is your father like? You seem resigned to men being like this.

Homemerge · 22/08/2026 13:12

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 12:46

@QuietCometi used to truly believe things would change, that he would be more affectionate, more attentive like he was when we first got together but the constant cycle is ( he moves out, we don’t speak for a few weeks, he tells me that he things need to change and I agree because both of us play a part, he comes back home and everything’s okay for two weeks and then we start living like roommates/ Co parents
it’s my own fault, I keep holding on to what things were like when we got together

Surely you can see how destabilising this is for your children to be around this horrible drama ?

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:36

@Homemerge I’m 24 years of age so what do you think? I’ve only been in two relationships and my relationship with my father has been complicated in the past but he is a hard working man whom has never left me or my mother without anything

OP posts:
QuietComet · 22/08/2026 13:42

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:36

@Homemerge I’m 24 years of age so what do you think? I’ve only been in two relationships and my relationship with my father has been complicated in the past but he is a hard working man whom has never left me or my mother without anything

Oh blimey, you're so young still, there are so many opportunities for you to be happy.

I hope you get the strength and courage to make the changes needed for you to be happy.

My SIL has just left my brother, and the change in her is crazy, it's like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. My niece and nephew are also so much calmer and less volatile than they were.

Life is too short to stay with someone who drains you rather than feeds you. Is your husband a drain or a radiator?

Homemerge · 22/08/2026 13:45

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:36

@Homemerge I’m 24 years of age so what do you think? I’ve only been in two relationships and my relationship with my father has been complicated in the past but he is a hard working man whom has never left me or my mother without anything

24????!!!

oh Op. how old are your children?

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:46

@Homemerge my eldest is 4 and both my youngest are 2

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:47

@QuietComet my mum said that when I’d left him last year, that she’d saw a change and I was becoming happier
thankyou, I know it may seem so simple to just let go and leave to people who are experiencing it, but it’s easier said than done
i really appreciate your kindness

OP posts:
Homemerge · 22/08/2026 13:51

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:46

@Homemerge my eldest is 4 and both my youngest are 2

how long have you been with this latest prince?

Homemerge · 22/08/2026 13:51

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:47

@QuietComet my mum said that when I’d left him last year, that she’d saw a change and I was becoming happier
thankyou, I know it may seem so simple to just let go and leave to people who are experiencing it, but it’s easier said than done
i really appreciate your kindness

is your daughter’s dad still in her life?

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:53

@Homemerge I really feel like I’m about to be judged here, I’ve been with him nearly 4 years and my eldest is 5 next week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:53

@Homemerge no he isn’t, he hasn’t been around since I was pregnant

OP posts:
Homemerge · 22/08/2026 13:58

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 13:53

@Homemerge I really feel like I’m about to be judged here, I’ve been with him nearly 4 years and my eldest is 5 next week.

Op you need to finish this

and then you need to be single for a long time. Focus on you and your kids. Build up your confidence and career. Introduce some calm and stability in to your children’s home life.

And when you feel stronger and more confident In Your standards… dip your toe cautiously in to casual dating

PinkyFlamingo · 22/08/2026 13:59

Sam17062002 · 20/08/2026 23:49

This is my first ever thread so please bare with me as I’m not good at explaining things, however no I have not missed anything out it is exactly how it’s put. I don’t think I am being unreasonable but it seems that my partners reaction says otherwise and I am questioning myself

Well you've missed out what these personal family " circumstances are that stopped him coming on previous holidays and you've also missed out his children's living circumstances, eg do they live with you both?

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 14:00

@PinkyFlamingo no I didn’t, I just don’t feel like I have to explain every reason to why my parents and him don’t get along, surely you can understand that?
they live with me.

OP posts:
Homemerge · 22/08/2026 14:03

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 14:00

@PinkyFlamingo no I didn’t, I just don’t feel like I have to explain every reason to why my parents and him don’t get along, surely you can understand that?
they live with me.

You don’t need to explain why they don’t get along with him

it is abundantly clear. He is a bona fide twat.

We can all see it.

So… you aren’t going to finish it?

Tabbitha · 22/08/2026 14:04

Sam17062002 · 20/08/2026 23:49

This is my first ever thread so please bare with me as I’m not good at explaining things, however no I have not missed anything out it is exactly how it’s put. I don’t think I am being unreasonable but it seems that my partners reaction says otherwise and I am questioning myself

I will 'bear' with you here. Look, you are nothing but a nanny with a fanny. Why are you taking his kid on holiday ON YOUR OWN???
Does he have a golden knob or is he just a knob? He had a rest when you took his KID on holiday!!! Is it his house or yours? If it's yours, boot him out love 😘

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 14:06

@Homemerge truth be told I finished it yesterday during a 12 hour shift at work
I sat in the carpark for 30 minutes after I’d finished to process.
him going on this holiday and him thinking that he will ask his mum to help with the kids is what justifies him going crossed a massive boundary and he knew how much it would effect me.
i have just been grateful to talk about it with people because I question things an awful lot.

OP posts:
Homemerge · 22/08/2026 14:07

Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 14:06

@Homemerge truth be told I finished it yesterday during a 12 hour shift at work
I sat in the carpark for 30 minutes after I’d finished to process.
him going on this holiday and him thinking that he will ask his mum to help with the kids is what justifies him going crossed a massive boundary and he knew how much it would effect me.
i have just been grateful to talk about it with people because I question things an awful lot.

I’d have thought that was probably worth a post given you have posted multiple times some them but…. Good news. Stick to it though. Not the first time I suspect you have finished it or he’s finished it and then you’re reunited for it to stagger on

Homemerge · 22/08/2026 14:08

Who has your children when you’re pulling a 12 hour shift?

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 14:08

@Homemergehit the nail on the head there unfortunately, finished it many times and then the cycle continues at some point due to hopes and expectations of things changing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam17062002 · 22/08/2026 14:09

@Homemerge his mum , we both work

OP posts: