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Original poster

AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

230 replies

Sam17062002 · 20/08/2026 23:41

For some background context, I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice. Once last year for a week and once this year for 10 nights. Both times my partner has opted out in coming due to personal extended family issues.
now my partner has decided he wants to go away in October for a week on his own to “somewhere with a sunbed where he can do nothing” am I being unreasonable in thinking this is selfish? Me and my partner have already been away for a weekend without the children and he has actually never been away with the kids.
I know I probably haven’t explained this the best but I am feeling annoyed that he thinks it’s acceptable to go away without even considering me or the kids

OP posts:
Platypusdiver · 21/08/2026 04:40

Bang out of order. I'd have gone mental after the two holidays. Even before he suggested a holiday by himself. Leaving you to sort out the kids.

I hate this type of behaviour because there is very little that you can do that does have a negative impact on the kids. He obviously doesn't care if you get upset.

Personally, if he went i'd being kicking him out. It is so horrible but that than leaves you in the position of having to dump his child at his mum's or continue to be his unpaid childminder.

Also, i'd be looking for evidence of another women. (No-one is that selfish surely?)

Crazycockerpoo · 21/08/2026 04:45

He's checked out of family life hasn't he.
Are your kids , his kids too?
First off I wouldn't be offering any more childcare to his kids. Let them see what a useless lump he is. Stop bailing him out of his childcare responsibilities and I would be asking him to pack his stuff before he goes away and take it to his Mums and when he returns he can go back there. Then I would book a weekend away and leave him with the kids. If it's good enough for him, then it's good enough for you.

I think you're letting him walk over you . Time to get some boundaries and he either shapes up or ships out.

TheSandgroper · 21/08/2026 04:56

Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 00:06

I am the default parent, I am the one who keeps things running, there has been alot of conflict in the past between us due to multiple reasons including me having to be the one who remembers everything whilst looking after 3 young children

Well, you’re certainly successful at being the nanny with the fanny or the bangmaid. He’s one happy little Vegemite .

He won’t make changes. Why should he? You have made his life supremely comfortable.

Any and all changes have to come from you and it will be a separation because that’s the only way you will get out of this situation.

aloris · 21/08/2026 05:02

So he's going to leave you to watch HIS children solo while HE has a vacation by himself? I don't bloody think so!

SueblueNZ · 21/08/2026 05:20

I am confused.

Would he go on holiday with you & the children if your parents weren’t going?
Where does it say that the OPs holidays have included her parents?

TulipCat · 21/08/2026 05:37

Your partner is a selfish useless twat who's been allowed to opt out of family life at his convenience. Leave him.

Seajaye · 21/08/2026 05:56

He's just being selfish. While the occasional separate break to spend time with friends or doing am activity Is Ok provided it isn't depriving the rest of the family, it sounds like he simply doesn't want to spend quality time with you and the children . You need to have a discussion on why that is happening.

WonderWeeksArentReal · 21/08/2026 06:03

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 21/08/2026 01:26

I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice

Are the children yours together, or are some of them your step children? I can’t quite understand.

Yeah I'm confused about this as well.

Although it sounds like he's being a dick either way tbh.

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 06:05

@NoCommentingFromNowOn we have two biological children together and he has been in my eldest daughters life since she was 1, they are all biologically mine

OP posts:
menopausequeen · 21/08/2026 06:08

No way. He should take the dc and give you a week on your own.

Yello24 · 21/08/2026 06:18

My sister’s DH is a bit like this. Doesn’t come on family days out as it’s ’not his thing’ and he’d rather stay at home gaming. She announces it like he’s a free spirit who just doesn’t enjoy the tedious side of parenting.
Shes a more tolerant woman than me that’s for sure.

Absolutely not on. When mine were little I would take the DC away every year for a week with women friends and DH loved it. We couldn’t afford to take leave at the same time. He never took them anywhere on his own though. When I was at work and he was on leave he just fed them the food I’d prepared and let them watch screens all day.

He would make it clear he hadn’t missed us at all when we came back from our annual holiday without him. Once he didn’t even get up from his chair when I returned from a 6 hour drive and he hadn’t seen us in a week. He’s an ex now.

AgentKim · 21/08/2026 06:47

I think you have to re think your partnership.
Do you own your home or is it joint ownership or rented?
If its in your name only I would tell him to go back to his DM to live and change the locks.
Do you let him get away with stuff because you are eternally grateful that he took on you and your daughter?.
Get rid of this piss taker. Your doing everything on your own so you wont miss him.

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:04

ive Recently moved house, it is rented and he did not want to put his name down on anything so I did tell him he would have to go back to his mums until he wanted to do things properly, there is a lot more context to our relationship and I’d spend forever trying to write it all down but he’s very stuck in his ways and has verbally voiced that he wants nothing to do with my parents, whom I am very close with.
when we first got together I did genuinely believe I’d found an amazing person whom treated my daughter like his own but when I fell pregnant with the others the rose tinted glasses soon fell off, we have been in this cycle for years now and it is mentally draining but I have definitely come to the conclusion that I’m not being unreasonable about this holiday

OP posts:
Billender · 21/08/2026 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:05

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:05

@Billenderhaha, you’re not the only one who says this to me. I appreciate the honesty, I have said in a recent comment their is a lot more context in terms of how our relationship is, but in terms of this holiday it is how I have put it

OP posts:
Billender · 21/08/2026 07:08

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somanychristmaslights · 21/08/2026 07:09

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man? Seriously??

Billender · 21/08/2026 07:09

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likeafishneedsabike · 21/08/2026 07:10

OP I’m not being a twat to you, but is this man definitely your partner? Because it sounds to me like you are a single parent to three children. They live with you, they are your responsibility and you take them on holiday (with your parents).
Very kindly, might it be best to face up to single parenthood as the reality and claim child maintenance from the father for the two younger children?

LuckyHazelFox · 21/08/2026 07:10

He's taking the piss out of you big time. Julia and her husband from Motherland spring to mind.

Original poster
Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:11

@Billenderhow rude of you to assume so many things without knowing the full story, nobody implored me to do anything and it’s rather embarrassing how you can sit on a website and judge when you don’t know nothing at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:12

I’ll be deleting this post now, but thankyou to all who had the decency to reply without judgemental attitude towards me. Im

OP posts:
likeafishneedsabike · 21/08/2026 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Not helpful by or supportive. The OP has posted because she’s unhappy with the status quo. No need to imply she’s a pathetic, desperate woman. At some point, most straight women make mistakes in their lives where men are concerned.

likeafishneedsabike · 21/08/2026 07:15

Sam17062002 · 21/08/2026 07:12

I’ll be deleting this post now, but thankyou to all who had the decency to reply without judgemental attitude towards me. Im

No need to delete - just swat away the trolls like annoying wasps and listen to the helpful posters.