To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

Just like the neice doesn't have the guidance to behave in an age appropriate manner
Nor does DSS, he’s 5 years older, as we’re placing her near 11, how close is he to 16?

Again, nobody has said the SS was ok to do this. But unlike the sister, the OP and SS recognise the behaviour is wrong and are working hard to correct it.

He had already had a meltdown earlier and had to leave the venue to regain control, he has severe mental health problems due to his past, OP sat across from the incident using her soft voice. She should have told her niece to sit down or put the baby down and blocked her, knowing that he has a terrible temper, they allowed it escalate.
If I was her Dsis, I’d punish DD for being cheeky. I would leave and would never socialise and my sister again if she was bringing her DSS.

Ultimately, I don’t think he’s safe to be around smaller children, unless he is heavily heavily supervised, if a claw machine in an arcade gets him angry enough that he needs to leave and go for a walk to calm down then he’s going to end up assaulting someone again.

I appreciate he has a troubled background, but he cannot control his anger and small children will not understand that, hence, how this situation happened in which he hit a 10 year old girl for teasing him. The responsibility cannot be placed on much younger children to understand he is violent and can’t control his temper, as his parents you need to supervise him much better or not create/allow situations where this could occur to begin with.

Saying/implying that the 10 year old is equally to blame is downplaying the issue and won’t do him any favours at all, at 15 years old he should be able to control himself enough to not lash out at much younger children when they annoy/upset him.

@OneQuirkyPanda somehow I don't think that social services will find secure accommodation for a teenager who knows to take himself off out of a situation when he gets overwhelmed.
They might just have slightly bigger problems to deal with.

There’s no way a 15 year old boy hitting a 10 year old girl he would have resulted in anything other than expulsion at my school.

Violence is not a proportionate response to being taunted by a child.

It sounds to me like the girl is a manipulative brat, and has probably heard her mother calling the SS a baby, as that's not something I would expect a 10 year old to say to an older boy, simply for fear of the reaction that she might provoke. She was obviously bored, and rather than deal with it herself, her mother chose to leave her out of the activity that she didn't want to do, by dumping her on the OP. She then proceeded to antagonise the SS, and quite frankly if this were a family situation, ie, she was SS's little sister, she would have got a clump or a shove, so I actually don't think the OP is being unreasonable to defend him. Of course I agree that a 15 year old boy shouldn't physically lash out at anyone, especially someone smaller than himself, but realistically these things happen among siblings, and while yes of course I KNOW he's not the girl's actual sibling, they were in that sort of situation.

Realistically, this wouldn’t be acceptable behaviour between my 12 and 9 year old girls, and it absolutely wouldn’t be acceptable between my 15 year old nephew and my 12 year old girl, and they are actual blood related, spent time together since she was born relatives. I wouldn’t accept it, and his mother 100% wouldn’t.

He's 15, if he can't brush it off then he can go outside for a short walk on his own around the holiday park or wherever it was they were staying. He could step outside and just sit by a nice tree and listen to some music, watch a film, read a book, do some breathing, phone a mate, go for a run, go for a swim etc.

He's not chained to the accommodation and can step outside and do the millions of things that are available for teenagers at these sites.

One would assume this would be a privilege he has at 15, and the 10yo probably isn't allowed to leave the accommodation.

There's dozens of things he can do to get away beyond throwing his weight around.

He went to his room and she followed him? I think it's expecting a lot in that moment for him to continue walking away when she's followed him and continues to taunt him. I think many kids in that situation might have given her a shove, let alone a kid with his background.

At 15 he isn’t an adult. He wouldn’t go to an adult prison. In court he is still considered a child

If anything his mental age is probably a lot less than his 15years old.

Ultimately this 10year old knows she can do and say anything to your SS as she is just copying her mothers attitude towards someone who is possibly ND and classified as Disabled.

All those who think the niece can do no wrong. Are you saying that it is ok to bully a disabled person because they are showing the signs of their disability
I actually think that is horrific

Will your sister ever teach her dd how to recognise danger. What if she carries on this sort of behaviour as she gets older and winds up an unstable person who has a weapon.

She might feel she can do and say whatever she likes because people aren’t supposed to retaliate physically but this is akin to stepping off a pavement onto a zebra crossing and not waiting for a driver to slow down or stop. The pedestrian might be in the right but what good is that if they are under the wheels of a car
Carrying on with this type of behaviour and one day someone who isn’t 15years old and the same height as her will retaliate and it will be a lot more than a slap

This isn’t about wearing a short dress and victim blaming. This is about a bully and aggressor getting a consequence when their victim was trying to get away and they continued to pursue them.

Whilst posters might not be able to tell the difference between a child and an adult, an aggressor (the one who was pursuing and being aggressive.) and the victim.
To me the SS was just defending himself using the only means of defence he had at his disposal.

From what has been written it sounds like this wasn’t a one off incident

However it sounds like it will be the last incident he will have to endure from this pair of bullies

There are no excuses for his behaviour. End of. It’s good that he’s apologised. But in no universe is the little girl to blame. You and he both need to act your ages, not your shoe sizes. I’m personally sick to the back teeth of this normalised misogyny.

Some people are so busy screaming about misogyny that they've lost all compassion for this abused and traumatised boy.

Some people are so busy pandering to their internalised misogyny that they’ll subjugate themselves to any character with a penis

I've got to say I am pretty shocked by some of the attitudes on this thread, it has certainly been eye opening. Posters on this thread telling me they strictly parent their son whilst raising their daughter to never take accountability because at the end of the day, their daughter is statistically less likely to kill someone and need to put men in their place. I think this is the first time in my life I have been accused of misogyny. Anyone who knows me in real life would find that hilarious. It seems that a fair chunk of parents sadly do not have the emotional intelligence to approach conflict without viewing one person as the winner and one as the loser.

Your ss is on a dangerous path. He’s essentially been abandoned by both his parents and this will play out in the future.
The other child is not blameless but perhaps she will have learned her lesson not to provoke someone with a temper.

I’m equally as shocked.

the name calling the girl has received is insane.

the fact that so many posters have done nothing but clamber to make excuses for the boy, and yet have such high expectations for the 10 year old girl - she should know better and so on.

poor, poor boy. She was asking for it.

I don’t know what would be worse, if the comments like that were made by parents to boys, or girls.

At what age do you not take into account a person’s childhood?

So for example, a rapist who has a dreadful childhood, and he, god forbid, raped your daughter, at what age would you stop having compassion for him? Any age?

But again, you are excusing the girls behaviour. You think it is far too high of an expectation to expect a 10 year old not to name call, goad or pour water over belongings, or ignore instructions from an adult. It is a shame that we can't all just all accept that both children behaved in a way that isn't expected for their age group and therefore the parents need to support the children to behave better.

Because physical violence trumps all of these things, especially from an older boy to a younger girl.

Tbh he doesn’t sound like he should be on joint holidays with other families, that’s on OP and he DH. He’s nowhere ready for it.

Think for a moment how a school would have responded to this.

An annoying year 7 girl winding up a boy in either year 10 or 11.

And he hits her.

Would the school be focusing on the annoying year 7 girl? Or pretty much immediately expelling the boy.

The latter

I’m not excusing her behaviour (although it far from warranted a 15 year old boy hitting her) - and if the hitting hadn’t happened, we can only guess how her mum would have reacted.
also, I’ve said this before, but OP doesn’t strike me as a reliable narrator. We don’t know if the water spill was an accident or not.

i wouldn’t accept either behaviour from my girls…and I sure as shit wouldn’t for one second suggest the mother of the hit child was over reacting if my child (either of them) hit a much younger child in this situation.

Conflict between children isn't top trumps. The child that comes off worse shouldn't get a free pass. When children behave badly , their behaviour needs to be recognised by their parent and corrected.