Guests bring their own lunch

It is odd behaviour and normally I would say rude, but you say this is out of character and they had made the effort to travel 2 hours to visit. Perhaps it was a genuine miscommunication? Did they definitely realise when you said via phone that you can’t cook you meant you are living off toast and crackers at the moment?

If the wife is sensitive and over-strung she may have half realised the faux pas when she asked if you were having anything but was then too embarrassed to own it and re-plate up onto 4 plates. I can imagine being the wife in this situation and then getting in the car and trying to dissect whether we’d misread the situation, whether we should have brought lunch for you etc and replaying it a thousand times in my head but even if I felt mortified at my mistake would be too socially awkward to mention it to the hosts face or apologise, especially if not 100% sure if what I did was or wasn’t what the host expected.

That said, it is very rude they didn’t offer to wash up when they could see you were on crutches! And even if they hadn’t brought lunch the polite thing would be to at least bring some cake or biscuits or something so maybe they are just rude people!

Bizarre behaviour - very mean of them

Bloody hell. That's crackers.
And leaving the dishes too!!

I can't believe they did all that and then left you their dirty dishes to wash. On crutches! Utterly bizarre.

That is truly appalling. These people are not good friends.

How appalling of them not to ask if you’d like them to bring you something in too.
To not take care of you in that way. So sensitive. I’m shocked.

Insensitive!!

Good grief. Probably just as well you weren't feeling your best, it could have got ugly if you were well enough to feel enraged!

This is shocking!

I’d love to know what the conversation was like, did they ask how you were, if they could do anything to help whilst they were there?

Incredibly insensitive and rude of them. I would have made you a big quiche or tub of soup or something so we could have lunch with bread and salad and leave you leftovers. And brownies or flapjack too.

On the plus side, you now have an absolutely wild anecdote to tell your actual friends, I would treasure this one…! And probably hang on to the nonfriends in case they do something equally bizarre and hilarious in future. But not rely on them for support again.

I think it’s my sil! They do this. Invited my son on a day out and she said they would take a picnic. I assumed she meant for her her husband and my 12 year old. Nope. They proceeded to unpack their picnic at the destination and had only brought two of everything. They were most out out that they had to share!

WTAF? You told them you weren't up to it then they arrived with food for THEMSELVES!!! I honestly just don't understand people like this. They should have arrived, made food for you, asked if you needed any help around the house, needed shopping etc etc. I'm old school and that's what I'd have done if I'd even invited myself in the first place.

Bloody hell OP, how utterly bonkers, selfish, weird and whatever else! I mean they are shite friends! Hope you didn’t make them any tea????

Utterly bizarre.

I didn't listen to all that (also 50's)

You should send them a link to this thread.

I really wish you had called them put on this. Awful people.

You’ve had surgery - they came anyway, didn’t bring you lunch, didn’t make you lunch, didn’t clear up, and I am guessing didn’t ask if they could vaccum, pick you anything form the shops, change your sheets … all things a friend would do

i would be dropping them - if you are confrontation adverse silently - no cards no gifts no messages no calls don’t return messages , say busy and slam down the phone if they ring

My mum used to visit once a week and always brought lunch for her and my stepdad which I thought was fucking rude but she seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable and I didn't have the heart to say anything. I wish I had

How is slamming down the phone if they ring avoiding confrontation.

Far better to be an adult and say: I am taken aback that you came to my home knowing I was struggling with recovering from surgery, brought lunch for yourselves, nothing for me and didn’t even clear up after yourselves. I think it is best we part company. Then ignore them afterwards.

What you suggest is not avoiding conflict, is actually extremely hostile.

Is slamming the phone down even a thing anymore?
I think smartphones and their polite little red buttons have robbed us of the angry satisfaction of doing this.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I can see why they thought they were helping by bringing their own food, especially knowing you had just had surgery and weren’t able to cook. But the fact that they didn’t include you in the lunch at all feels quite thoughtless, especially as they were guests in your home and you had already explained that you weren’t up to preparing food. I think most people would naturally assume “we’ll bring lunch” means bringing enough for everyone.
That said, I’d probably put it down to a strange lack of awareness rather than deliberate rudeness. They may genuinely have thought they were making things easier for you and just completely missed the obvious part that you also needed feeding. Still, I can understand why sitting there eating toast while they had their prepared picnic food would have felt quite hurtful.