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AIBU?

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Guests bring their own lunch

567 replies

thevoiceofreasoning · 09/08/2026 16:50

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

OP posts:
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thevoiceofreasoning · 19/09/2026 11:57

graceinspace999 · 19/09/2026 08:29

They were awful. In my experience when you get rid of the fake friends it makes room for lovely new ones - in my case cancer got rid of quite a few ‘fair weather friends’ and good riddance to them!

Totally! When the chips are down you really do find out who your friends are. Here’s to health and lovely new friends!

OP posts:
EvieBB · 19/09/2026 11:30

Whiteshapelz · 19/09/2026 09:19

Doesn't it always!!

Can't believe your friends weren't there for you when you got cancer...unbelievable!

AutumnLover1990 · 19/09/2026 10:49

thevoiceofreasoning · 19/09/2026 00:01

I have a way to go yet … but I’m getting there thanks x
Yes she usually contacts me in school hols so I am expecting her to get in touch just before October half term!

She seems totally oblivious to your feelings. She'll have such a cheek of she does contact you. I hope you have an excuse/reason ready 😯

Hope you're doing well xx

Whiteshapelz · 19/09/2026 09:19

graceinspace999 · 19/09/2026 08:29

They were awful. In my experience when you get rid of the fake friends it makes room for lovely new ones - in my case cancer got rid of quite a few ‘fair weather friends’ and good riddance to them!

Doesn't it always!!

graceinspace999 · 19/09/2026 08:29

They were awful. In my experience when you get rid of the fake friends it makes room for lovely new ones - in my case cancer got rid of quite a few ‘fair weather friends’ and good riddance to them!

Posypear · 19/09/2026 07:41

Really rude. Hope you are recovering well !

NotMeAtAll · 19/09/2026 00:39

thevoiceofreasoning · 18/09/2026 23:57

Yes I thought I’d get a more apologetic response .., but I think she realised she messed up and is too embarrassed to admit it! You are right … she is not a good friend.

She realised she messed up, but she doesn't seem to have realised that she's inconsiderate and self-centred.

thevoiceofreasoning · 19/09/2026 00:01

Whiteshapelz · 18/09/2026 22:04

Yea, a real rude cheeky fxxker.
You'll hear from her again, no doubt.
I hope you are recovering well.

I have a way to go yet … but I’m getting there thanks x
Yes she usually contacts me in school hols so I am expecting her to get in touch just before October half term!

OP posts:
thevoiceofreasoning · 18/09/2026 23:57

Ethelspagetti · 18/09/2026 21:58

That wasn’t a nice reply was it?! She’s very dismissive towards your feelings. An apology wouldn’t have gone amiss! I am surprised as I honestly thought she’d apologise but nope! I’d bin this one off, she isn’t a good friend,

Yes I thought I’d get a more apologetic response .., but I think she realised she messed up and is too embarrassed to admit it! You are right … she is not a good friend.

OP posts:
disturbia · 18/09/2026 22:21

thevoiceofreasoning · 18/09/2026 20:24

Thanks for asking … I haven’t done a further update because there isn’t much to report! However she did reply to my text a few days later with a very breezy message along the lines of … ‘opps it really didn’t occur to me to bring lunch for you too, good luck in your recovery and hope to see you later in the year” I haven’t heard from them since and I do not intend to contact them again!

Good ..don't bother with them again they are taking advantage of your good nature

Whiteshapelz · 18/09/2026 22:04

Yea, a real rude cheeky fxxker.
You'll hear from her again, no doubt.
I hope you are recovering well.

Ethelspagetti · 18/09/2026 21:58

thevoiceofreasoning · 18/09/2026 20:24

Thanks for asking … I haven’t done a further update because there isn’t much to report! However she did reply to my text a few days later with a very breezy message along the lines of … ‘opps it really didn’t occur to me to bring lunch for you too, good luck in your recovery and hope to see you later in the year” I haven’t heard from them since and I do not intend to contact them again!

That wasn’t a nice reply was it?! She’s very dismissive towards your feelings. An apology wouldn’t have gone amiss! I am surprised as I honestly thought she’d apologise but nope! I’d bin this one off, she isn’t a good friend,

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/09/2026 20:40

thevoiceofreasoning · 18/09/2026 20:24

Thanks for asking … I haven’t done a further update because there isn’t much to report! However she did reply to my text a few days later with a very breezy message along the lines of … ‘opps it really didn’t occur to me to bring lunch for you too, good luck in your recovery and hope to see you later in the year” I haven’t heard from them since and I do not intend to contact them again!

That's a shocking response. Just goes to show how thoughtless and inconsiderate she is. I'd never host her again.

thevoiceofreasoning · 18/09/2026 20:24

Posypear · 18/09/2026 19:49

@thevoiceofreasoning did you ever get a reply?

Thanks for asking … I haven’t done a further update because there isn’t much to report! However she did reply to my text a few days later with a very breezy message along the lines of … ‘opps it really didn’t occur to me to bring lunch for you too, good luck in your recovery and hope to see you later in the year” I haven’t heard from them since and I do not intend to contact them again!

OP posts:
Posypear · 18/09/2026 19:49

@thevoiceofreasoning did you ever get a reply?

TFImBackIn · 16/08/2026 16:32

I think you should have included the fact you always cook for them, OP - if she sends a snippy response then include that in your answer!

Brackenandbrave · 16/08/2026 09:40

This is so shocking. Op please come back and let us know if you get a reply to your message. I’m glad you said something to them

AutumnLover1990 · 15/08/2026 21:37

Kossak · 15/08/2026 21:22

I do not buy the 'lack of communication' thing at all. Who would do this? What kind of thoughtless, insensitive individual would do this? I'm gobsmacked.

I don't either. With so much technology at our fingertips nowadays,you can't use that as an excuse anymore. It's not the 70s 🙄🤣

Kossak · 15/08/2026 21:22

I do not buy the 'lack of communication' thing at all. Who would do this? What kind of thoughtless, insensitive individual would do this? I'm gobsmacked.

Grendel7 · 15/08/2026 21:01

CatInTheRhombus · 09/08/2026 16:55

“I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them”

YANBU to think they would include you, but is the above what you actually said to them? If so, I can see where the confusion came from. They interpreted it as you wouldn’t be cooking for them and maybe that you weren’t able to get extra food in for them but they assumed you had your usual groceries in for yourself. It’s the kind of thing my mum would say and expect us just to bring bits for ourselves.

Edited

Really?

Tanjamaltija · 15/08/2026 21:01

Friends? They ought to have brought something like baked pasta, or a stew, so you could all share it. That's what we do when we visit people post-op. And fruit.

Bigcat25 · 15/08/2026 14:43

Viperregency · 15/08/2026 08:14

To be honest she’s probably thinking we went out her way to see her and she’s pissed we didn’t bring her lunch too, or wash a few plates.

some people when they lack any form of empathy or social graces will always make it the other persons fault.

That's what I was thinking. She drove 4 hrs to see op so is probably thinking she made a big effort.

7238SM · 15/08/2026 08:44

thevoiceofreasoning · 15/08/2026 00:33

nothing back from my text to her I sent yesterday.

I've clearly missed it, but what exactly did you text her? Last I read you were still deciding what to write.

Viperregency · 15/08/2026 08:14

To be honest she’s probably thinking we went out her way to see her and she’s pissed we didn’t bring her lunch too, or wash a few plates.

some people when they lack any form of empathy or social graces will always make it the other persons fault.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/08/2026 00:51

So delighted you called her out. She may never reply as she may detest being called out.
And that would tell you everything you need to know. A genuine person would pick up the phone and apologise for the misunderstanding.
Fantastic. They appear to be out of your life. Well done