To not take step kids on my holiday?

Read all of the ops posts. The mother didn’t know throughout. The kids found out on the day they were going to aunties and didn’t know where dad was

-They found out on the day when they were supposed to go to him. Instead of him his sister came to collect them.

So I think they just didn’t have details etc
So he lied to them...'oh, you're not seeing me this weekend, but you'll get to spend it with your aunty'. 'Oh why dad, why aren't you coming too?' Ummmm, well, yes, oh look at the those birds in the sky....

Honestly, how naive some posters are! Kids that age would inevitably ask questions in these circumstances!

They aren't her kids.

In 2 years time @Westcountrygal and DH might be divorced and she would never have anything to do with them anyway. (Sorry OP I wish you and your DH a long and happy marriage just making a point)

I'm not surprised these kids are insecure if they can turn up for their contact with their dad to discover they've been farmed out to random relatives with no warning. What a shitty dad.

Can I ask all the people on this post who think this is absolutely fine - how many times they have spent 3 weeks away on holiday with just their partner and without their kids.
im going to hazard a guess that it’s zero.

I read this from OP:

He arranged alternative childcare during his time so they obviously knew he was away but didn’t know where

So I think they just didn’t have details etc

What for a weekend? That apparently she cancels at whim in any case?

The mother can, she can arrange for the dad to have them but presumbably wont allow that

Nah.

Any decent mother would be pretty pissed off if her children’s father swanned off for 3 weeks in the US whilst avoiding parenting.

I very much doubt the mother spends 3 weeks holidays without her kids.

OP said it clearly that mum didn't know before.

They KNEW he was going away
No they didn't! If they knew before, so would have their mum, unless he bullied them not to tell her.

It was a surprise pick up if I read correctly? The op said in one of her posts.

Instead she has encouraged a resentment and hostility and lack of curiousity and a sense of entitlement
He didn't need his ex's help, he did it all on his own!

I really do feel you are possibly projecting your own situation into this.

They KNEW he was going away. OP says so upthread. They just didn’t know the details.
The Aunt and Uncle pick-up was arranged (it wasn’t a surprise pop up at their door) - so I’m not understanding all the angst.

Any decent mother would have said to the kids, how wonderful your dad can tell you about America, what pictures has he got, where did he go, how did things look, what food did he eat, what places did he visit?

Instead she has encouraged a resentment and hostility and lack of curiousity and a sense of entitlement

Whilst I think YANBU, it does sound really sad for read “that is just too distant a relationship”

I hope you’d class the relationship between your family and your husband as “distant” as well.

I think what people are missing is that this was approached this way because of the volatility of the relationship with the mother
No it really isn't. He could have gone and picked them up, explain that he was going away unexpectedly and drop them to his sister himself for a start.

He didn't because he didn't give a shit about the impact it would have on them. Nothing to do with the ex at this point.

I think what people are missing is that this was approached this way because of the volatility of the relationship with the mother.

When you are dealing with hostile people - you can not always behave in an ‘ideal’ way. Due to potential sabotage, toxicity, drama etc.

So it was not ideal not to give them the full details beforehand but I can completely understand it.

It isn’t about the kids not enjoying this type of holiday.
this is about a father who barely sees his children, taking 3 weeks of his leave and paying £1000 for a flight, to go on a holiday and not see his children for 3 weeks and not even thinking this might be an issue, not telling them he won’t be there when he’s due to pick them up, whilst the most he’s ever paid out for them is a uk camping holiday,

So of course he takes them camping, thats what the routine can accomodate no doubt
He went to court! Surely that's what he would gave asked the judge to grant him, a week abroad with his kids and that would have been granted unless there were welfare issues.

He is not the first dad who has to fight to take his kids abroad, but even if it really truly isn't possible, why the hell would you show pictures to your kids about what they are missing out on?

It’s not about the price - the holiday was not for them
It's not about THIS holiday, it's about the lies, the silence, the not being there, and then the excitement in his voice showing them the pictures.

What did he expect them to say when seeing the pictures? Wouah dad, we had no idea what happened to you, we missed you, were worried, but we're so pleased you had such an amazing time so far away from us for all this time. You so deserve it dad...

He should have told them where he was and had a good diaggue with them about it

But, the idea he has taken 3 weeks away and now cant take the kids away is nonsense given he has weekends with them, how does his AL impact on this?

So of course he takes them camping, thats what the routine can accomodate no doubt

You can imagine the thread if he wanted to take him and OP away for a 2 week holiday cant you, from the mum.

So much projection here.

You really think children would like to spend 3 weeks visiting stepmother’s family and attending adult centred activities than camping?

It’s not about the price - the holiday was not for them.

Op didn’t see that his children would be upset that he didn’t collect them, with no warning. So no, I doubt she can “see it”.

How often does this man see his children?

Just to add, my ex was one of these 'arent I a super dad because I take my kids camping 2 hours away for 4 days' whilst he went away for two weeks in Greece. He truly believes it too.

They adored him them...then they grew up and saw him for the selfish manipulative person he really was and gave nothing to do with him. His partner after he? Yep, took her longer than me, but she finally ditched him too when the reality came crashing down that her amazing man was nothing but.