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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

724 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · Yesterday 08:02

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 07:52

The kennels want at least part payment upfront so I won’t be taking him there unless my neighbour pays them.

I have left another message to say we will be taking him to the vet this morning if she doesn’t pay the kennels or arrange for him to be collected from us.

Thing is though OP does the kennel even have the poor dog’s vaccinations etc it won’t take it if not anyway. So yes I guess her vet is the best choice.

MummyJ36 · Yesterday 08:03

It’s very odd that the family member who messaged you didn’t think to help with this at all. I hope you manage to get the dog cared for OP.

CatamaranViper · Yesterday 08:04

This reply has been deleted

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Don't be so patronising, you just make yourself look even more daft and antagonistic.

pictoosh · Yesterday 08:04

AlphaApple · Yesterday 07:53

If you want to be a real bitch you could put the dog on your local Facebook page offering it out to randoms, saying it’s been abandoned and tag your neighbour.

That's being a mad bitch.

EsmeSusanOgg · Yesterday 08:05

ThisHeartySloth · Yesterday 07:52

I wonder if there’s another neighbour who would take over? It would make things easier to organise. I can’t believe the neighbour has done this though. And I can’t believe their relative has not stepped in to help.

OP said no earlier. But also, given the neighbour is ghosting OP as a neighbour I would avoid.

IronEverything · Yesterday 08:05

anterenea · Yesterday 07:59

Geeze what's happened to kindness? I am sure OP can recoup the cost of kennels of vet charges from the owner

Allowing someone to run up a kennel bill that you are liable for and could easily be four figures isn't kindness, it's stupidity. And I'm bloody certain she wouldn't see a penny back.

QueenCamillaMW · Yesterday 08:05

This reply has been deleted

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That's such a sickly sweet, passive aggressive response.

Don't be so nasty.

menopausequeen · Yesterday 08:05

I think you’re being very harsh.
she’s obviously grief stricken.
i agree you shouldn’t miss your holiday but try and be kinder to her.
what about getting the local dog warden to take the dog or else asking your parents to reconsider
She’s not done this maliciously

AHGiraffe · Yesterday 08:06

Take to any vet say you’ve found him wandering can they scan him and find owner? Surely she will answer to them?

Bridgertonisbest · Yesterday 08:06

Depending on how well I knew the neighbour I might text her and say that we’re going on holiday TODAY. She has 2 hours to let us know what she wants to do with the dog otherwise I’ll drop it off to the dog warden.

Im sympathetic to her losing her mother but you don’t get to absolve yourself of responsibilities when you lose a loved one. You can’t just shrug and say “I can’t deal with this right now” and expect others to change everything to suit you.

imagine claiming on the insurance “cancelled holiday because neighbour didn’t pick up their dog!”

Svelty · Yesterday 08:06

I’d be surprised if a vet would take a dog in this scenario but the threat of it might work.

CatamaranViper · Yesterday 08:07

OP, vets is definitely the best choice imo.
What is your neighbour like? Are they the sort of person who will (unjustifiably) slate you all over socials? If so, keep some screenshots of your messages/call logs etc just in case.

EsmeSusanOgg · Yesterday 08:07

Your council will have a number for the local dog warden. Call them, explain the issue. Give them your neighbour's details. Message your neighbour to say the dog is with the dog warden and to call them.

Mute/ block at least for the duration of your holiday.

EsmeSusanOgg · Yesterday 08:08

Svelty · Yesterday 08:06

I’d be surprised if a vet would take a dog in this scenario but the threat of it might work.

A vet will not. But the dog warden likely will.

Kimmers4334 · Yesterday 08:08

Kittybelle123 · Yesterday 08:01

If you do end up making a part payment at the kennels I hope you can do it in cash so that they don’t have your payment details on record. I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP after having such a genuinely kind thing 💐

This was what I was thinking too. But I suppose they probably don’t accept cash for the exact reason that they wouldn’t have a card on file to charge. Either way, I think the friendship is probably over and I assume they were reasonably close for her to ask about the dog in the first place

Mylovelygreendress · Yesterday 08:08

Why is it that nowadays everyone has to be kind even when someone is being unreasonable / difficult etc ?
How long does it take someone ( even someone grieving) to send a quick message ?

Bluffinwithmymuffin · Yesterday 08:09

anterenea · Yesterday 07:59

Geeze what's happened to kindness? I am sure OP can recoup the cost of kennels of vet charges from the owner

How on earth are you sure the OP can recoup the cost from her neighbour, a person who’s already proved themselves pretty inconsiderate at best?

Hallelujah2020 · Yesterday 08:11

It’s not a veterinary practices responsibility to deal with this. You can just call the dog warden directly.

Number will be on council website.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · Yesterday 08:11

menopausequeen · Yesterday 08:05

I think you’re being very harsh.
she’s obviously grief stricken.
i agree you shouldn’t miss your holiday but try and be kinder to her.
what about getting the local dog warden to take the dog or else asking your parents to reconsider
She’s not done this maliciously

Another pp talking about the neighbour as if they know her Confused

menopausequeen · Yesterday 08:11

AlphaApple · Yesterday 07:53

If you want to be a real bitch you could put the dog on your local Facebook page offering it out to randoms, saying it’s been abandoned and tag your neighbour.

What an awful thing to do. For the dog and the bereaved neighbour.
what is happening in society you would even think of this

KamikazePigeon · Yesterday 08:11

EsmeSusanOgg · Yesterday 08:08

A vet will not. But the dog warden likely will.

Please, please don't call the dog warden, OP. The dog could end up euthanised.

Kimmers4334 · Yesterday 08:12

MummyJ36 · Yesterday 08:03

It’s very odd that the family member who messaged you didn’t think to help with this at all. I hope you manage to get the dog cared for OP.

I agree with this - they knew OP was going on holiday so they just didn’t care what happened to the dog. Grief isn’t really an excuse when the holiday was mentioned at the beginning

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · Yesterday 08:12

Get in touch with the RSPCA and explain the situation. They are there to advocate for animals, not just to prosecute people! The vets isn't the right place- at my surgery we dont keep animals overnight as noone there, and noone there ar weekends. Dogs Trust can also help in these emergency situations with finding foster care. Good luck!

EsmeSusanOgg · Yesterday 08:13

KamikazePigeon · Yesterday 08:11

Please, please don't call the dog warden, OP. The dog could end up euthanised.

No they will not. The owners will be notified. They have a week or so to collect/ arrange collection before they are then put up for adoption. They only face euthanasia if there are serious health/ behavioural problems and/or no one collects or adopts the dog.

pixiedust79 · Yesterday 08:14

menopausequeen · Yesterday 08:05

I think you’re being very harsh.
she’s obviously grief stricken.
i agree you shouldn’t miss your holiday but try and be kinder to her.
what about getting the local dog warden to take the dog or else asking your parents to reconsider
She’s not done this maliciously

OP is not being harsh at all! Grief stricken or not you can’t just abandon your responsibilities and make them somebody else’s problem.

Hope you manage to get somebody to take the dog OP and sorry your kindness and generosity have been taken advantage of.

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