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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

724 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · Yesterday 07:32

This is wild, what an awful situation she's left you in! I'd call the vet ASAP, hoping they'll hold onto it until the neighbour gets her act together. Or the vet might know someone who can provide temporary foster care.

Tel12 · Yesterday 07:33

I doubt a kennel would take a dog without vaccination record. There's no excuse for your neighbours behaviour. I would be phoning her continuously. I'm thinking RSPCA or Dogs Trust are the way to go. She has effectively abandoned her dog.

Credittocress · Yesterday 07:34

I’d be surprised if the kennels would take them, normally you need to drop them off with their vaccination record and presumably you don’t have this?

dippy567 · Yesterday 07:34

Ask on local fb group explaining situation to ask if anyone can look after it, and then just give contact details to neighbour of where its gone?

Not your responsibility and you've beem helpful having it in the first place.

Appreciate she's going through a difficult spot, but she could ask someone else to sort with you ' or just confirm she'll pay kennels fees.

JulietteHasAGun · Yesterday 07:34

Blueberrybonanza · Yesterday 07:22

Personally i would take it to her vets and say you found it running in the road
If it has a ID tag on say there was no answer on the number and you left a message with no response

Good idea. It’ll be safe then.

Offherrockingchair · Yesterday 07:35

I’d message her and say you’re leaving the dog in her garden as you’re off, as discussed when you kindly agreed to take care of it last
minute.

Mousespoons · Yesterday 07:35

agree with PP
text both owner and relative - as they haven’t come back to collect the dog and aren’t responding to your messages with a solution, you are going to treat the situation as if the dog has been abandoned and call the dog warden. At the very least they will need to pay a release fee to get the dog back and could find that after a period of time they will pass him to rehoming. So they do need to come up with a plan sharpish.

anterenea · Yesterday 07:35

You are going to have to fork for kennels I am afraid - could you live with yourself if you dropped it at the RSPCA?

RoseField1 · Yesterday 07:35

Take him to the kennels and book and pay for a couple of days. Tell her what you've done. She will have to call them to extend the booking. You can ask her to pay you back in the future. She's being awful - when my mum died I had my dog to consider and I drove with him 6 hours to where she was. It's no excuse for abandoning your pet, especially when you have found a solution for her.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · Yesterday 07:37

It wasn’t stupid of you to agree to take the neighbour’s dog for a few days before your holiday OP, please don’t think that. You helped a CF neighbour and trusted them to show you the same consideration, which they didn’t. That’s on them.
As others have already said, I’d take the dog to her vet and tell them the truth, rather than make up a story that won’t check out about finding the dog abandoned etc… that’ll only make matters worse.
Good luck and have a great holiday.

QueenCamillaMW · Yesterday 07:37

What an awful thing to do to someone! She sounds like the type who expects other people to solve all her problems for her.

I'm just glad that OP didn't pay the for the plane ticket.

I agree with PPs about vets or dog warden. Definitely don't pay any money as you would be unlikely to get it back.

Ilovesunshine22 · Yesterday 07:38

How stressfull for you! I would keep calling her untill she answered.

BillyBites · Yesterday 07:38

This is going to sound harsh but your neighbour is a grown-up and will still need to do functioning adulting things. I presume she is consulting with funeral directors and so forth so she will have to add making arrangements for her dog to her to-do list.
I speak as someone who’s lost both parents and it is still possible to “do” normal life even at such an upsetting time.

RodneysGotaNewHairdo · Yesterday 07:39

anterenea · Yesterday 07:35

You are going to have to fork for kennels I am afraid - could you live with yourself if you dropped it at the RSPCA?

The dog's owner has abandoned it. OP has generously been looking after it.

If anyone should have trouble "living with themself" it's the dog's owner. OP has already done more than enough.

The dog's owner needs to step up and take responsibility.

pictoosh · Yesterday 07:39

Ohhh horrible situation. Very fraught. They can't seriously expect you to cancel your holiday so god knows what they think is going to happen.

I'm afraid I agree with @Mousespoons . You've been left with no choice but to report the dog as abandoned. It has been.

Nightmare.

HollyhockDays · Yesterday 07:40

Would she be able to afford kennels? But as many people have said they generally want the vaccination record.

Leaving the dog in her house or garden is a possibility.

IronEverything · Yesterday 07:40

Whether she likes it or not, she has abandoned her dog. It needs treating as such.

Svelty · Yesterday 07:41

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 07:03

I’m not going to take him to kennels if it means us paying as I’m not sure I’d get the money back.

I’m not honestly sure you have any other option if you want your holiday as not sure rescue will take and I’m assuming you’re not going to just dump him in the street. Would you parents change their mind about taking him if they realise it might cost you money?

JustJoinedRightNow · Yesterday 07:41

I know she is grieving but when she finally gets back in touch OP I would be having very stern words about her refusal to contact you. Seriously that is out of order, and you should tell her that she's never to ask you for a favour again. You can't believe the way she has behaved.

QuirkyHorse · Yesterday 07:42

@Credittocress kennels will have an isolation kennel, dog can go in there until vaccination status is known.

@CantGetBackToSleep if you know which vet your neighbour uses, tell the kennel, they can ring and find out his vaccination status.

IronEverything · Yesterday 07:43

anterenea · Yesterday 07:35

You are going to have to fork for kennels I am afraid - could you live with yourself if you dropped it at the RSPCA?

Are you mad?

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 07:44

anterenea · Yesterday 07:35

You are going to have to fork for kennels I am afraid - could you live with yourself if you dropped it at the RSPCA?

I’m bloody well not paying for kennels and I could live with myself quite easily as I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m pissed at her causing me stress and just want to go on holiday. Are you my neighbour?

OP posts:
pictoosh · Yesterday 07:45

Blueberrybonanza · Yesterday 07:22

Personally i would take it to her vets and say you found it running in the road
If it has a ID tag on say there was no answer on the number and you left a message with no response

Why lie? Seriously what's the need? The truth is plenty.

Honestly, some people lie for the sake of it.

Newuser75 · Yesterday 07:47

BtwixtNBtween · Yesterday 07:04

Be very, very careful that you’re not left to foot any bill.
Have you considered The Cinnamon Trust?

Yes I was going to suggest the cinnamon trust too.

Whyherewego · Yesterday 07:48

Why can't this relative arrange the kennels?! Absolutely either drop at the vet or back into her garden and then tell them that's what you've done.
I cannot believe this relative has not offered to sort things out

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