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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about this situation with neighbour and her dog?

731 replies

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 06:37

I’m lying awake because I don’t know what to do about this situation.

On Sunday our neighbour came to see us visibly upset. Her mum had been taken into hospital and she had been told to get there asap. Her mum lives in Scotland and we are in the South of England so she was panicking about getting there on time and also about who would look after her dog. We helped her book a flight as she was in a state shaking and in no state to think properly. She asked if we could have her dog for a few days. Reluctantly we agreed but said we were leaving to go on holiday on Friday evening so she would need to make other arrangements by Friday morning for him. We went and collected the dog and he has been with us since. We have our own dogs and they are all getting on well.

Our neighbour text me on Monday to say her mum had died. We had a brief text conversation and obviously I said how sorry I was to hear about her mum.

I text her on Wednesday morning to say that I know she has a lot to deal with but we really need to know what she’s doing about her dog as we are due to go away. I didn’t hear anything so I text her again yesterday to ask what she wanted us to do with the dog and got a text from another of her relatives from her phone saying our neighbour is very upset and isn’t in the right place to sort this out. I replied to say I understood but that when we agreed to have the dog, it was on the condition that she made other arrangements for the dog by Friday morning as we are due to go on holiday. I didn’t get a reply. I tried to call last night but it went to voicemail. I had already called our nearest boarding kennels who do have space so I told her on the voicemail that I could drop him at kennels but she needs to give them her payment details. I still haven’t had a reply from my neighbour.

What do we do? I’ve asked other neighbours and they won’t have him. My parents are having our dogs while we are away but are not willing to take the neighbours dog as well.

A friend has suggested I drop him at our local vets which is the vet my neighbour uses but I don’t think they would be ok with that. Another friend said if it comes to it to call the rspca, explain the situation and say he’s basically been abandoned.

I’m so stressed. I know my neighbour has lost her mum but we are not missing our holiday.

OP posts:
MaggieHM · Today 13:57

Apricotdog · Yesterday 16:17

So you’ve pretended that you don’t know who’s dog it is? You are heartless OP, you have just added horrible stress to your neighbour. I would have sucked up the down payment for kennels. Now your neighbour is going to receive calls from vet and dog warden

The Vet recognised the dog so the owner will be contacted. After that it will go to a council refuge they will keep it for 7 days then it will be rehomed. The owner shouldn't have just abandoned it when she knew the neighbours were booked to fly on holiday.

EvieBB · Today 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Noodles1234 · Today 13:47

You tried to help and now it is difficult. I feel for you. I appreciate she has problems but this is unfair on you.

take them to the neighbours vet and ask for boarding, do not pay. Tell your neighbour.

Next time don’t accept the dog on any occasion. Have a nice holiday.

Monkeypuppy · Today 13:46

Sereine · Today 12:20

The chip database is there for a purpose. By putting your details on it as the owner, you are consenting to being contacted if your pet is lost. It would be utterly pointless having it if no-one was ever allowed to use it.

Plus, as pointed out, OP gave the vets the neighbour's details, so all they had to do was check that they corresponded with the information on the database.

Edited

Yes, it's why it's so important for owners to update their details on the database if their contact details change, so they can be contacted if their pet is found.

A few years back, I brought a small, stray dog to my vet to scan his microchip so that his owner could be located. They took him away to check, and a nurse reappeared within 10 minutes with a big smile on her face to say that they got his owner's details from his chip and had called to let them know their dog was at the vet, and could be collected there. The owners were over the moon, he had escaped through a hole in the fence very early that morning and they had been searching everywhere for him. He was very lucky not to have been hit by a car, because he had crossed several roads while out on his little adventure.

Anyway, I hope the OP is enjoying her holiday and the vet and the neighbour have spoken to each other at this stage about the dog's care.

Skodacool · Today 13:20

Sereine · Today 12:20

The chip database is there for a purpose. By putting your details on it as the owner, you are consenting to being contacted if your pet is lost. It would be utterly pointless having it if no-one was ever allowed to use it.

Plus, as pointed out, OP gave the vets the neighbour's details, so all they had to do was check that they corresponded with the information on the database.

Edited

Also as the neighbour is a customer of the vet she won’t get away with not paying for the dog’s keep.

millymollymoomoo · Today 12:43

Poor dog 😢

not ops fault at all but dog must be so stressed

AcquadiP · Today 12:39

HarshbutTrue2 · Today 05:16

Many posters are heartless and cruel. If it was a child they probably would have dumped it in a field or the local hospital.

It's just proof of what a nasty uncaring society we have become.

Poor dog, it's owners have disappeared. It has been pushed from pillar to post. It is probably now in the local pound waiting to be put down and it's owner doesn't know where it is and has been blocked from finding out.

Yet all of that it totally acceptable in the warped world of mumsnet. I think this thread is ripe for Facebook or a lurid red top newspaper.

The owner does know where her dog is because the op sent her a text stating it was at the vets. In addition, the vet will scan the dog for a chip and attempt to make contact with the owner.

CornedBeef451 · Today 12:30

Well done OP, definitely the right move. Have a lovely holiday and don't give it a second thought.

placemats · Today 12:23

Sereine · Today 12:20

The chip database is there for a purpose. By putting your details on it as the owner, you are consenting to being contacted if your pet is lost. It would be utterly pointless having it if no-one was ever allowed to use it.

Plus, as pointed out, OP gave the vets the neighbour's details, so all they had to do was check that they corresponded with the information on the database.

Edited

Thanks for the clarification.

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · Today 12:22

Millytante · Today 03:48

The dog being abandoned is why I reckon CF flew off to Benidorm with her friend, who posed as the relative in the unsatisfactory phone call.
Were she heading up to her dear old ailing Ma’s, and the family embrace, I think the dog would have been brought along too. 🕵🏻‍♀️

Quite a subterfuge, given that the OP helped her as she booked and presumably paid for tix to Scotland.

redboxer321 · Today 12:20

QueenCamillaMW · Today 10:13

There really are some holier than thou types on here this morning.

OP should have cancelled her holiday to look after the dog, and also cleaned the neighbour's house, filled her fridge and freezer with home cooked food and tidied her garden.

Is that better?

I would have said that was the bare minimum to be honest.

Sereine · Today 12:20

placemats · Today 10:44

The vet has to access the chip database, which is confidential.

It's a legal requirement to have a dog chipped.

The chip database is there for a purpose. By putting your details on it as the owner, you are consenting to being contacted if your pet is lost. It would be utterly pointless having it if no-one was ever allowed to use it.

Plus, as pointed out, OP gave the vets the neighbour's details, so all they had to do was check that they corresponded with the information on the database.

Beingseenisneedy · Today 12:08

igelkott2026 · Today 11:41

Why would someone take on someone else's dog?

As a pp said way back in the thread it's like saying "oh you're taking the two grandchildren, you don't mind taking their friend too do you".

People are truly bonkers on here.

I was being sarcastic to @HoraceCope as she seems to think OP's parents should have taken the dog.

She should offer herself up instead of offering up other people.

ApricotTulip · Today 12:05

I hope she is grateful to you for the care you've already provided for the dog

ApricotTulip · Today 12:02

Enjoy your holiday

ApricotTulip · Today 12:02

CantGetBackToSleep · Yesterday 12:16

The dog is at the vet and they said they would scan and contact his owner if he has a chip. One of the receptionists recognised him so they know the owner is a customer. I’ve blocked my neighbours number so she can’t contact me to complain. Thanks for all the advice.

You did the right thing. When my dh died i didn't just drop my young kids with a neighbour and disappear. You have to still take responsibility for your dependents. Especially as she is no longer caring for her mother. You'd never have been repaid if you'd used a kennels

NNforthispost · Today 11:55

OP you’ve been very kind and thoughtful. I know neighbour is grieving and it does funny things. She should have contacted you though, if she also loves her dog. It would have been top of my list of priorities. You’ve done the right thing.

placemats · Today 11:49

It was a long thread @igelkott2026

Yes the vet would access the information via chip database and contact the owner. The OP has no privy to that information.

placemats · Today 11:45

igelkott2026 · Today 11:40

I still don't understand why you think that stops the vet contacting the owner.

I didn't say anything about the vet not contacting the owner 😕. Perhaps we are a cross purposes here. Apologies if I misunderstood.

igelkott2026 · Today 11:41

Beingseenisneedy · Today 10:39

Elderly parents taking on a dog they don't know, I'm surprised you're not offering to go and take it.

Why would someone take on someone else's dog?

As a pp said way back in the thread it's like saying "oh you're taking the two grandchildren, you don't mind taking their friend too do you".

People are truly bonkers on here.

igelkott2026 · Today 11:40

placemats · Today 10:44

The vet has to access the chip database, which is confidential.

It's a legal requirement to have a dog chipped.

I still don't understand why you think that stops the vet contacting the owner.

igelkott2026 · Today 11:39

placemats · Yesterday 17:22

UK GDPR.

Why would it apply in this case? They have the name and number of the owner from the OP so they can call them. The OP doesn't have to comply with GDPR, the vet does. So the OP can give the vet details, but not vice versa.

tastytea · Today 11:33

I can't believe people are saying the OP should pay for the dog to go into kennels for an indeterminate amount of time - that is a huge expense she is never getting back! Why on earth would she do that?

This feckless neighbour has dumped the dog on her last minute and is now ignoring her, knowing full well the OP is due to go on holiday. Who would be that selfish?

Personally I hope the dog is adopted by someone else because the owner obviously couldn't care less about it.

Ladyfromthehill · Today 11:17

KitchenFaust · Today 08:41

The woman is obviously having a bad reaction to her mother’s death. Some kindness is called for. Just pay for the kennels jeez, you’re parents are clearly as rigid as you are

Is that you offering to pay for the kennels?

pictoosh · Today 10:50

I hope OP has been able to unwind from all of this stress and is currently enjoying her holiday.

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