Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my cleaner overstepping?

142 replies

CoffeeBooksRats · 05/08/2026 21:02

A couple of months ago me and DH finally gave in to the various pressure of work and parenting three kids and dogs and got a cleaner. She comes for four hours per week, cleans, changes bedding and does some ironing. In many ways she’s been amazing, and does a brilliant job.

However… every time she comes she moves things… I don’t mean just tidying up I mean things like moving small items of furniture to different locations in the room, moving things like laundry bins from bedrooms to bathrooms, rearranging cupboards of personal items in bedrooms, moving the kettle/toaster/knife block/herbs and spices to the other side of the kitchen etc… it feels a bit like she thinks she knows best how to organise our home and just does it. Every week I get back from work and go around the house putting everything back where it’s meant to be. Some times it’s taken me several hours to locate items she has moved.

Is this normal? Having not had a cleaner before I don’t know whether this is usual practice - if so I think we’ll need to not have a cleaner as I’m finding it too intrusive and annoying! A couple of times I have mentioned it in a light hearted way “took me hours to find the kettle lol” and she’s just laughed it off and continued… maybe she genuinely thinks she is helping?

Would appreciate thoughts if you have a cleaner or are a cleaner! She is a really lovely woman and I don’t want to offend her.

OP posts:
BlackRowan · Yesterday 09:21

Lexibletheflexible · Yesterday 08:55

How can you clean a chronically untidy house? You have to tidy it first, right? To access the places you have to clean. So either, they tidy, or I do, which is fine. But I need paying. Some people don't have the budget for that but still the problem remains.

Now, I could walk away every time, but I don't. I could move the clutter and move it back but that is only a temporary solution because it is extra time and labour (going back the money point). So if I feel like this person wants a more organised life and they are open to suggestion, then I will initiate what needs doing.

That is what many people want because it alleviates the emotional labour behind housekeeping as well as the practical.

And yes, the houses you clean are your portfolio. They are your adverts. Nobody will want to hire you as a cleaner if they hear your name from their untidy friend. They'd assume you're ripping the friend off.

That's another thing. Imagine you go to an elderly relatives home who insist they sre paying a cleaner £30 a week or something and the place is filthy. You're going to assume the cleaner is exploiting them.

You have to have standards and boundaries as a good cleaner. Those who don't want to meet them will be easily replaced by those who are very keen to use your services.

You are so ridiculous in your attitude that I just don’t want to engage with you any more 😂 there is clearly a lot more going on with you that cleaning being just a job or a service. A cleaner should first and foremost respect the boundaries of their clients. You are way too enmeshed.

and by the way I have a great cleaner who I pay £100 a week and she can rearrange some of my stuff and I even trust her to go into cupboards- but only because I specifically asked her, she respects my boundaries, doesn’t treat my house as her portfolio or whatever and doesn’t decide what’s best for me or what I need, in a patronising way.

JontyGentooey · Yesterday 09:14

Does her name begin with E?

Our old cleaner did this. Contents of the kitchen cupboards, fridge, freezer etc would just be totally rearranged, despite never being asked to clean these areas. She eventually started rearranging our furniture. Requests to stop and just focus on her actual cleaning went straight over her head.

We let her go!

Justyouwaitandseeagain · Yesterday 09:00

have you tried asking her not to do the stuff that annoys you? A good cleaner should take on board feedback. If she continues despite a conversation, then you need to weigh up if she is worth keeping or not.

Lexibletheflexible · Yesterday 08:55

BlackRowan · Yesterday 08:23

That’s such a ridiculous way of overstepping, I am stunned 😂😂😂

I will be interested in whether the house is CLEAN (eg floors, skirting boards, etc). Whether the house is TIDY or whether aesthetically it matches my taste re location of lamps, furniture or photos on a mantelpiece is clearly not cleaner’s remit so CHAOS is irrelevant.

clean and tidy are 2 different things

however an actual house is not your portfolio and you are not entitled to treat it as such. you wouldn’t be allowed to invite people over to someone’s house to show off your work. Your portfolio is recommendations.

(and you definitely wouldn’t get one from me no matter how good your actual cleaning is)

Edited

How can you clean a chronically untidy house? You have to tidy it first, right? To access the places you have to clean. So either, they tidy, or I do, which is fine. But I need paying. Some people don't have the budget for that but still the problem remains.

Now, I could walk away every time, but I don't. I could move the clutter and move it back but that is only a temporary solution because it is extra time and labour (going back the money point). So if I feel like this person wants a more organised life and they are open to suggestion, then I will initiate what needs doing.

That is what many people want because it alleviates the emotional labour behind housekeeping as well as the practical.

And yes, the houses you clean are your portfolio. They are your adverts. Nobody will want to hire you as a cleaner if they hear your name from their untidy friend. They'd assume you're ripping the friend off.

That's another thing. Imagine you go to an elderly relatives home who insist they sre paying a cleaner £30 a week or something and the place is filthy. You're going to assume the cleaner is exploiting them.

You have to have standards and boundaries as a good cleaner. Those who don't want to meet them will be easily replaced by those who are very keen to use your services.

graceinspace999 · Yesterday 08:30

venusFlytrapped · 05/08/2026 21:09

Good cleaners are so hard to find so normally, I would say bite your lip for the sake of the amazing help. Plus it sounds like she gets a lot done in 4 hours. However this would annoy the crap out of me! It sounds more extreme than rearranging items on a worktop and oversteps, in my opinion.
As for how you could handle it, I can only say what I would do which would be to write a message saying her work is fantastic but this issue is taking up a lot of your time. Maybe thank her for trying to keep your home organised but it's really not necessary as you're happy where things are located.
Its a bit of an awkward situation 😬

Edited

She’s not a good cleaner if she’s doing things her employer doesn’t want her to do - she’s over stepping.

OP needs to tell her what she wants and doesn’t want and stop pussyfooting around her.

BlackRowan · Yesterday 08:23

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 17:10

Yes.

Look at this from a business perspective. One of the main ways Cleaners and cleaning companies generate new clients is through word of mouth.

If you visit a friend's home, and you see their house is in chaos/unclean, would you be interested in hiring their cleaner?

Your client's homes are your portfolio of sorts.

That’s such a ridiculous way of overstepping, I am stunned 😂😂😂

I will be interested in whether the house is CLEAN (eg floors, skirting boards, etc). Whether the house is TIDY or whether aesthetically it matches my taste re location of lamps, furniture or photos on a mantelpiece is clearly not cleaner’s remit so CHAOS is irrelevant.

clean and tidy are 2 different things

however an actual house is not your portfolio and you are not entitled to treat it as such. you wouldn’t be allowed to invite people over to someone’s house to show off your work. Your portfolio is recommendations.

(and you definitely wouldn’t get one from me no matter how good your actual cleaning is)

Lentilcakes · 06/08/2026 19:22

100% not normal!!

rosesarebluer · 06/08/2026 17:31

This is insane. Why didn’t you just talk to her the first time 😂

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 17:10

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 16:27

Also you commented about clients that are resistant to change- it’s not your remit to change your client

Yes.

Look at this from a business perspective. One of the main ways Cleaners and cleaning companies generate new clients is through word of mouth.

If you visit a friend's home, and you see their house is in chaos/unclean, would you be interested in hiring their cleaner?

Your client's homes are your portfolio of sorts.

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 17:07

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 16:25

That’s example of what OP’s cleaner does and you are defending her

I havent defended the cleaner. I think you should read the whole thread

Newyearawaits · 06/08/2026 17:04

CoffeeBooksRats · 05/08/2026 21:07

Today I got back from work to find coffee/side tables and lamps are in different locations in the living room and family photos moved from mantle piece to window ledge!

She needs to be told

NotyouGuillermo · 06/08/2026 17:01

A few years ago, a friend’s mum (FM) had a cleaner who came down to the kitchen carrying a bundle of wet towels and put them in the washing machine. Apparently, she’d tried to move the (freestanding) bath to clean behind it, and now there was water everywhere?!

FM asked her, “Do you normally ever move your own bath to clean?”

“No.”

“So why did you move mine?!”

Bedheadbeachbum · 06/08/2026 16:42

This is such an unusual situation!

On one level, I think I'd be, yes ok get on with it - she's clearly going above and beyond. And even more things I don't need to think about.

Like others have said, good cleaners are hard to come by?

But on another I'd find it a bit freaky,.someone tampering with my 'life'.

I don't know tbh wish we had that problem I've kind of given up in the house after all these years.

MyMilchick · 06/08/2026 16:33

YANBU but you need to tell her clearly not to do that rather than jokingly say it

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 16:27

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 11:06

Where did I say that you must be allowed to have a say on photo placement. Can you quote it?

Also you commented about clients that are resistant to change- it’s not your remit to change your client

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 16:25

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 11:06

Where did I say that you must be allowed to have a say on photo placement. Can you quote it?

That’s example of what OP’s cleaner does and you are defending her

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 06/08/2026 11:57

I'd cut her time, and ask her not to rearrange your stuff.

My cleaners were spending time faffing around folding every item they found (including INSIDE A DIRTY LAUNDRY BASKET), so I cut their hours and instructed them to stick to cleaning. The extra faffery has stopped.

I actually have a friend who does this sort of thing when she visits. Except I don't have her to visit any more. (I actually lived with her at university, and she would just sigh that the house was messy and not do anything to contribute, so it was doubly annoying that she suddenly found her mojo for rearranging stuff in my own bloody house!).

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 11:07

Lexibletheflexible · 05/08/2026 21:13

I'm thinking and rethinking to make sure you aren't one of mine! But I've never moved a lamp.

The most I'd say I've done without asking is reorganise all drawers and cupboards when there was no system at all. Literally whatever in whatever drawer or cupboard there was space. So I put pots in pans in one..plates and cups in another etc and this was on a first visit. Luckily they were fine with it. They couldn't quite believe this could be done in fact.

This is what i said

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 11:06

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 10:44

Wow the sense of self importance here 😂😂

It’s fair if you don’t want to clean for a particular client or don’t want to deal with clothes etc. but to say that you must be allowed to have a say whether their photos are displayed on a mantelpiece or a window sill (which is an example given by OP) or where their furniture is is bizarre. It’s not the same thing as clothes that are in the way of cleaning

Where did I say that you must be allowed to have a say on photo placement. Can you quote it?

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 11:06

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 10:35

Not it doesn’t. She moves things where she thinks they look best “how she likes them”. This is not cleaning or tidying.

I already responded directly to the OP

Therealjudgejudy · 06/08/2026 10:53

This is really not normal. You have to say something

PolkaDotPorridge · 06/08/2026 10:49

Absolutely not normal!

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 10:44

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 09:38

Yes. That was me. There were piles and piles of clothes of clean laundry around the room and a wardrobe full of clothes literally stuffed in. She wanted me to keep cleaning for her and the chances of a new cleaner coming amd not charging a specialist price to sort it all are slim.

Generally speaking, if I can tell early on thay someone is both living in chaos and resistant to change, I won't clean for them. I have a waiting list. I don't need some of my regular clients, let alone any new ones. A good way to feel that out is by how many cleaners they've had in recent time. Good cleaners don't commit to every client they speak to or even clean for.

Wow the sense of self importance here 😂😂

It’s fair if you don’t want to clean for a particular client or don’t want to deal with clothes etc. but to say that you must be allowed to have a say whether their photos are displayed on a mantelpiece or a window sill (which is an example given by OP) or where their furniture is is bizarre. It’s not the same thing as clothes that are in the way of cleaning

BlackRowan · 06/08/2026 10:35

Lexibletheflexible · 06/08/2026 08:42

You know, this becomes a grey area when you're the only one cleaning that house.

Not it doesn’t. She moves things where she thinks they look best “how she likes them”. This is not cleaning or tidying.

Foolish1984 · 06/08/2026 10:02

eurochick · 06/08/2026 07:04

I’ve had various cleaners over 25 years and one a few years ago did this. It drove me nuts. She would do things like move a vase from a windowsill in one room to a table in another. It was on the windowsill because I wanted it on the windowsill, in my home! I let her go. It felt invasive to have someone rearranging my home, and that was not what I was paying her for.

Could you not have just asked her to stop?

Swipe left for the next trending thread