AIBU to ask my sister to move out now?

Have your parents talk to her. They can surely say to her “look you need to leave your sister to get on with her life and come and stay with us”
They don’t have to say you told them to say it.

Having said all that if my sibling was in such a bad way I’m not sure I could ask them to leave tbh. Sorry that’s not helpful of me and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Can she maybe go back to work? Get her back in a routine and socialisng? She may get stronger and want to move out.

Yes she does sound poorly. Gp is a good idea

Doesn’t she work? Is her job / house nearby? I think as someone else said I’d talk about it as s given. So what’s next are you moving back to yours? It’s been empty a while now? You must be missing your own place? Or will you go and stay with mum and dad I know they’d love to have you for a while? It’ll open up a conversation at least ..
I feel sorry for her and for you, hope it works out

She sounds poorly, poor her, has she seen her GP? She won’t feel like it now but the best thing is a new routine and new life.

If she can’t manage to live in her marital home she can move in with your parents and organise renting it out to rent somewhere eventually. And no she can’t stay with you any longer she has to face her reality.

Is she okay? You say she’s barely eating or doing anything? She sounds depressed.

You’ve been really kind but unfortunately it sounds like she’s now in an enabled situation and won’t move on while she’s there so the kindest think you can do is to nudge her forward by giving her a deadline to move out. There’s been some excellent suggestions about how you can handle this and yes sadly she may turn her anger/sadness on to you but there’s isn’t anything you can do about that. Just continue to be there and she’ll come back her herself and you.

What’s stopping you from telling her it’s time she moved on?

That’s very sad for her. She may not be able to be alone, and perhaps being her marital home would make it worse. But it’s not fair on you or your kids. I think you need to tell her that she will have to move in with your parents when the summer holiday is over. She also needs to find her anger about what the husband did.

This is not fair on your family.
She is not going to put your children first.
That's your job and you haven't.
Two months and it's impacting your children

Kind but firm, time she went to your parents.
Your husband is a saint to tolerate this.
I wouldn't if it was my husbands sister.

I don't think it's doing her any good to keep moping but you can't make her be more proactive. All you can do is put a time limit on her stay with you. I think you probably do need to do it sooner rather than later or the summer will be over.

You're just going to have to bite the bullet and get it over with OP.

I would give her a timeframe, and say she needs to be out by August 31st, so before the kids go back to school (or sooner if you’re desperate).

And brutally, she needs to sort out the sale if her dh has made it final, so lots of sorting, tip trips, boxing up to do, getting it ready to sell. Hard for her, but she needs to face the reality of the situation. There’s no reason she can’t still receive support/go to your dps’ house.

She's obviously still reeling but she needs to start addressing the future. Is he still living in their house? If so I would advise her to ask him to leave so that she can go home and start gathering together the information she is going to need for her divorce.

She needs to make an appointment with a solicitor and start keeping a record of everything. Is she still contributing to the mortgage and household bills, etc. Is there a joint account. She needs to take steps to protect herself financially.

Maybe you could start by suggesting she goes home for the weekend just to put the wheels in motion.

You have to be cruel to be kind , she is living in never never land at your house and long term it’s not going to help her . Confronting reality is very hard and putting it off won’t make it any easier .

It's natural that you wanted to help her but it doesn't sound like staying on is actually helping her now. I would take that approach, that what you are able to offer clearly isn't what she needs right now so it would be sensible to try something else. She is very lucky to have so many options. Can you speak to your parents, what's their opinion?

I would probably try to have the conversation about moving out without mentioning her relationship, don't get caught up in discussions about whether or not he'll split up with the new woman/ take your sister back/move into the shared house/want to sell the house/ etc. Just say that you think it's best that she leaves this weekend.

Tell her today. She needs to move home over the next few days be out by end of the weeekend. You don’t need to explain why, but if you do, it’s simple. You need to focus on your family and kids

Be clear and firm. Be ready for her arguments and upset. You don’t have to fix it or make it better. Shes an adult and shit as this is for her she needs to sort herself out.

definitely don’t tell any lies about having guests- what a bad idea !

Hmm maybe a burst pipe in the attic over her bed. A very wet bed and water on the ceiling would be pretty easy to stage and an immediate reason to leave. <I’m just kidding here>

She definitely needs to go though. You should definitely go down the white lie route because she is not remotely rational at the moment so she most likely cannot be reasoned with and you likely will not be thanked for putting in a boundary but for her own sake she needs to start moving forward.

It is in her interests to go home and not to your parents. She will just get as enmeshed with them as she has been with you but ultimately that is her own decision.

I won't repeat what others have (rightly) said.

I will add that your main duty is as a mother and wife and frankly if your 4 year old is asking why she's so sad and she doesn't need to be there, she needs to go. Kids are super observant and they need security and their nuclear family.

It will also start to affect your marriage etc.

She has to go.

I think you know YANBU so what do you need to move this forward? The summer holiday will soon be over so you'll have to move quickly.

Does she work?

I'm shocked that she has just foisted herself on your for two months! I get that something terrible has happened, but surely she can see what a busy household you have and that it's the school summer holidays? YANBU. At all.

So she’s got a house she owns she could move into or in with your parents? She’s taking the piss and sounds selfish staying with a busy family for this amount of time without consideration for you.

@ThatCleverJokerits your home and your childrens first u have to consider their best interests now. have u actually told her its time to move on ? if not could you write her a letter? explaining that u have loved having her and supporting her but now you need to get on with your own family life and relationship as you dont get any time alone anymore and whether he decides to give the relationship a chance or not she still has to stand on her own twol feet if he doesn’t change his mind. it sounds like he doesn’t. explain she needs to start to move on and heal and get stronger and in order to do that and be independent is to move out and get her own place lr just move out (parents for now) so she can concentrate on healing without being distracted by your family and kids. its a nice way of telling her to go and a letter is more personal or u can tx it ?

I assume she don’t want to move in with your parents as it feels like a step backwards in life? But they have plenty of room and it won’t be forever. I can understand her having strong feelings but she has two other places to go and your house is already full. I think you will need to approach it gently but give her a clear deadline.

I feel sad for her but she needs to start accepting it or help herself. Things must be very hard if the kids are asking about her - is she crying in front of them?