AIBU to ask my sister to move out now?

I’d say you’ve done more than enough to support her and i’m sure you will continue to support her when she moves out! I’d think its definitely time to be telling her to make other arrangements and that you need some normalcy back for your own household

Can you just be honest with her in a very gentle way. Tell her that you're finding the summer holidays hard to juggle with the kids and you need to have the house back to status quo now. You love her, you're still there for her, but you also need to prioritise your kids. And point her in the direction of your parents again.

I would talk about it as a given. And a white lie.
"Hey, so I was wondering if you'd decided if you wanted to go home or go to mum and dad's now? We're due to have people stay here soon, sorry the dates completely crept up on me, should have spoken to you about it sooner. Obviously I'll still pop round and see you, how about Wednesday evening?"
With the implication she moves out this weekend.

She's been through a horrible time of it, but breakups are a part of life and she cant claim you havnt been supportive. Although you may need to prepare yourself for the fact that often when people are grieving they latch onto perceived or actual slights as it gives them something else to focus on, so it might be no matter what you do or say, she is annoyed at you. It will pass.

She really does need to move on and at the moment, she is hiding in your house and not actually facing reality. Facing up to going back to the marital home and thinking about her next steps in practical terms (getting the house ready for sale, packing up etc) might give her the jolt she needs. I feel sorry for her but she has to accept he isn't going to change his mind and she needs to start taking charge of her own life. You have been very supportive but even if you had a separate wing for her to live in, she needs to face this, for her own sake.

She needs to leave asap

I think you just need to tell some sort of a white lie simply to be kind, to get her out asap.

You can continue support her when she's living somewhere else

Yep its time for her to move back. Horrible though that seems. Id give her a date. Sugar coat with offers of help to move back etc... Failing that then just tell her bluntly. She needs a wake up call.

I'd give her 24 hours to move out. She has her own house.

She can mope there. She is being very unreasonable. Her breakup is her problem and it should not be yours to deal with.

You've been very kind OP and she needs to move out.

Has she helped at all with the kids/housework/load?

Her own house is empty, why can she not go home? She can still be supported by family.

Yes, as everyone has said, YANBU to need your space. It's not healthy for anyone, her included. She can't really begin to move on with her life if she's just moping around your home, using you as her daily emotional crutch. You can't support her as well when you never get a real break from her unhappiness, and you and your family deserve a decent summer.

I'd try to find a way to gently tell her that while you're still there for her, it's time to either move back home or move in for a while with your parents. I'm wondering why she prefers staying with you to staying with them.

I'd consider speaking to the ex, if only so you can tell him you're happy to help DSIS move her stuff out and potentially be a pointnof contact and to relay to your sis that you've spoken to him and he's clear it's over.

Take her out for the day in your car, say you need to collect something or visit a town about an hour away, and just have it out with her on the way home so she can't avoid it. Find a nicer way of saying you empathise but you've spoken to her ex, he's clear it's over, you need her to plan her next living arrangement and your parents have said she can move in, so you can help her move next weekend.

Why is it she'd rather be at yours than at her parents (I can understand the not wanting to be at her own house)? It just seems surprising she came to you in the first place, as you have kids, so presumably less room.
I'm surprised her ex isn't pushing to get the house sold, unless he is super rich. If you talk to him, could you ask he gets on with clearing/selling it so she can move forward to get her own place, if she can't stand going there herself?

It's time. You need to pull off the plaster. Being at yours means she's in waiting mode, hoping that he'll come back and being there obviously isn't helping her either. Moving out will mean moving out of it. You either do this now or she'll be sitting around the table at Christmas. Parents have offered. It's time for a different environment.

It's for her own good.

She needs to leave for her sake as well as yours. She's a very lucky woman to have not only her own home but parents with a six bedroomed house. So many women are left in a terrible position after divorce. She needs to start coming to terms with the situation.

I'm very surprised that your DH was happy with this arrangement in the first place! My DH would now be saying either she goes or I do!

I assume she don’t want to move in with your parents as it feels like a step backwards in life? But they have plenty of room and it won’t be forever. I can understand her having strong feelings but she has two other places to go and your house is already full. I think you will need to approach it gently but give her a clear deadline.

I feel sad for her but she needs to start accepting it or help herself. Things must be very hard if the kids are asking about her - is she crying in front of them?

@ThatCleverJokerits your home and your childrens first u have to consider their best interests now. have u actually told her its time to move on ? if not could you write her a letter? explaining that u have loved having her and supporting her but now you need to get on with your own family life and relationship as you dont get any time alone anymore and whether he decides to give the relationship a chance or not she still has to stand on her own twol feet if he doesn’t change his mind. it sounds like he doesn’t. explain she needs to start to move on and heal and get stronger and in order to do that and be independent is to move out and get her own place lr just move out (parents for now) so she can concentrate on healing without being distracted by your family and kids. its a nice way of telling her to go and a letter is more personal or u can tx it ?

So she’s got a house she owns she could move into or in with your parents? She’s taking the piss and sounds selfish staying with a busy family for this amount of time without consideration for you.

I'm shocked that she has just foisted herself on your for two months! I get that something terrible has happened, but surely she can see what a busy household you have and that it's the school summer holidays? YANBU. At all.

I think you know YANBU so what do you need to move this forward? The summer holiday will soon be over so you'll have to move quickly.

Does she work?

I won't repeat what others have (rightly) said.

I will add that your main duty is as a mother and wife and frankly if your 4 year old is asking why she's so sad and she doesn't need to be there, she needs to go. Kids are super observant and they need security and their nuclear family.

It will also start to affect your marriage etc.

She has to go.

Hmm maybe a burst pipe in the attic over her bed. A very wet bed and water on the ceiling would be pretty easy to stage and an immediate reason to leave. <I’m just kidding here>

She definitely needs to go though. You should definitely go down the white lie route because she is not remotely rational at the moment so she most likely cannot be reasoned with and you likely will not be thanked for putting in a boundary but for her own sake she needs to start moving forward.

It is in her interests to go home and not to your parents. She will just get as enmeshed with them as she has been with you but ultimately that is her own decision.

Tell her today. She needs to move home over the next few days be out by end of the weeekend. You don’t need to explain why, but if you do, it’s simple. You need to focus on your family and kids

Be clear and firm. Be ready for her arguments and upset. You don’t have to fix it or make it better. Shes an adult and shit as this is for her she needs to sort herself out.

definitely don’t tell any lies about having guests- what a bad idea !

It's natural that you wanted to help her but it doesn't sound like staying on is actually helping her now. I would take that approach, that what you are able to offer clearly isn't what she needs right now so it would be sensible to try something else. She is very lucky to have so many options. Can you speak to your parents, what's their opinion?

I would probably try to have the conversation about moving out without mentioning her relationship, don't get caught up in discussions about whether or not he'll split up with the new woman/ take your sister back/move into the shared house/want to sell the house/ etc. Just say that you think it's best that she leaves this weekend.