AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

Aw I couldn’t personally, even small bits to open I’d have to. Like useful stuff though like pants, deodorants etc. just so he has something to open

I always make a fuss of mine on their birthdays . I wouldn't consider half driving lessons a present tbh . Small silly gifts , a cake , nice meal . It's easy to just get a few things , a shop bought cake and a take away .

Sorry but that’s awful. He’s only 17. You could have got him a few token gifts, a cake (doesn’t need to be expensive) and his favourite tea/ meal out/ takeaway or a trip to the cinema etc. I couldn’t imagine doing nothing.

Even when my parents got me a "big present" I'd get a couple of little gifts to open on the day (usually a book/nice sketchbook and some chocolate).

But the OP CAN afford it. If you can’t then it isn’t about you. You do what you can for your kids birthday, including celebrating them and making them feel special. The op didn’t even buy her son a card!!

Well aren’t you a joy!! We’ve told all our children they are welcome to live with us for as long as they want, rent free, to help them save for their own deposit. Because we live them and enjoy their company. We don’t have any large savings to gift, but are comfortable enough to not need any rent from them. DS1 (28) now has a mortgage with his partner, and was able to put down a large deposit. DD (23) and DS2 (21) still at home, both saving into help-to-buy ISAs. Can’t imagine being mean enough to tell them they were on their own at 25. I’d call it “supporting” rather than “mollycoddling”.
Also, definitely no “entitled pricks” here - DS2 tried to transfer us back money we’d been giving him as his weekly living expenses for uni. He thought we’d forgotten to cancel the DD as he’d finished his course. (We transferred it back as we’d decided to pay it until end of July.) I would have thought if he was an “entitled prick” he’d have just kept it and said nothing.

Surely at the very least a cake and card??? A meal out or takeaway too I’d say. And I’d get some stuff to open, even if it’s wrapping up an L plate or just a box of Maltesers for him to open. This wouldn’t have cost much, seems incredibly stingy to not even mark it at all.

I'm not talking about OP, but the people who are telling her she's a cheapskate for only paying half etc.

I certainly can't afford £40 a week either, just the insurance is a massive hit to my bank account. DD has a Saturday job and has been saving for her own lessons, as I and many friends did in the 90s.

Even with funding the driving lessons I’d personally feel a bit mean if I didn’t give a present or arrange to go out for a meal. But you do you OP

This is so mean. Goodness poor boy probably wanted a small present to unwrap. I hope you’ve got him a cake and some thing else!

You are v stingy OP. Your poor kid.

Just because you wouldn’t, doesn’t mean others shouldn’t.

When we've done a big solo present for birthday think ps5 level ive done a cake made of snacks to go with. so like three tubes of pringles some cans of pop or if older cider, biscuits and sweets and you arrange it all so it looks like a tiered cake wrap a ribbon round it. That, a card, a nice dinner and a birthday cake for afterwards.

I'd do a token present costing a few quid, small choccies, key ring (for a car key!) that kind of thing, just for something to open with his card, but wouldn't do anything no. He's got a big birthday next year too, save doing something for then?

You think balloons and a supermarket case constitute ‘luxury treatment of a princess’?

MN baffles me sometimes. Next thing it will be Christmas and posters will be getting lambasted for spending more than a fiver on a gift.

I think half a course of driving lessons is a good gift. For a start off, they’re not cheap. There’s also the fact that having to put your own money in towards something at that age can be a motivation to stick at it and apply themselves. I think if it came to it and he needed more than the first set of lessons I’d also pay the next half too.

But definitely a few odds and sods to unwrap and a cake, card and favourite dinner/meal out/takeaway. It’s about saying I love you, it’s your birthday and it’s a special day. Time spent on him and with him. Doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg it’s showing that you care.

Im not having a go at the posters who would/have paid for it all. I actually agree it’s a life skill and I’m trying to get my daughter hers as best I can, but even a cheap runaround, insurance and the lessons (there’s a mandatory minimum here) would cost more than my annual gas and electricity bill, so I’m not in a position to. If you are in a position to do it then that’s great and I’d go for it, but if this is what you’ve got to put towards it, then I don’t think it should be put forward that it’s somehow a stingy gift.

A card and a cake are musts.... non negotaible. and a bit of cash.

God the privilege of the people on here saying they'd pay for all lessons, tests etc. Lessons are £80 for 2 hours, so in a month that's £320, insurance for a learner £40/month, do you all have that spare?!

OP I would always get small things to open even if there's a big gift. How much is half on lessons, just until he passes, or have you paid for a block? I'd have bought a block and a few small things.

Bit tight for a parent. If you can afford it then get him some other bits too. Fucking hell.

That’s so mean! Please tell me you at least got him a card?! My DD will be 17 soon and she’ll be getting driving lessons but will absolutely get a small Gift or two to open, a card, cake, lovely brunch and family dinner out to celebrate

It’s today?!? Poor kid. Do you really not like him?

In my family, regardless of one big gift, there would be a cake, and card ready, plus favourite meal (be that either a home cooked favourite dish, or best loved take away).
I would also personally do a few small presents to open, but I understand if money is tight

Jesus. My parents always give me money for my birthday and Christmas but also a silly/small gift that I can unwrap on the day.