AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

Were you / are close to your parents @BeddysMum ?

How do you plan to celebrate your child’s birthday in their later teen years?

It’s really mean! Unless the driving lessons are the top of your budget then I get it, but I’d still get him something else to open, a token gift. Although I don’t really understand why your 17 year is paying for half of his driving lessons? Is he working full time? Surely as parents we pay for it as one of those things that we parents just have to swallow (I have three kids…) 🤷‍♀️

Driving lessons are super expensive, this is very generous! I would have been very happy with that at that age!
At 18 I was given a cheap sweater that I needed by my parents. You're fine!

I always make sure they at least have something to unwrap - for their 17th birthday it was L plates. And a card and a few little treats (nice chocolate, favourite beer)

Does he like cake? I usually make a favourite dinner or we take them out to eat. And I make/buy a cake.

Doing nothing seems a bit sad unless there is more to this?

It’s really unfair imo to not get him anything, you have paid for half of his driving lessons which is really your duty as is parents, I just don’t understand why your confused he’s upset you have done nothing for his birthday really really unfair and mean imo

I love my kids birthdays. My DD was 17 last week and we’re funding her driving lessons which she has booked in to start and her provisional license was delivered a month ago. It didn’t enter my mind not to get her other presents. To me learning to drive is as important as her going to sixth form so although we are paying, her birthday was about spoiling her with things she wants and loves.

SAME

My 19 year old would be devastated if I did what the OP did.
18 year old is much more pragmatic and wants for nothing, really.
HOWEVER, he was thoroughly spoiled for his 18th and loved every minute of it.

(as was 19 year old, last year. Doesn’t say much, but I know he loved it all. DC2 and I blew up 18 balloons for him and decorated everywhere. Loads of presents)

I'd still have got a cake, card and a small token gifts like chocolate, sweets or socks.

And even if he was a man… I will be spoiling my son on his 17, his 27th, his 77th if I’m still around

17 is not a man.
My DC just turned 18. I do not consider him to be a man. And I made a massive fuss of him on his birthday because he’s the most precious person to me.

I would have got some cheap little gifts to open - shower gel. Socks. Maybe a pen /book/mag if has any hobby’s

yes lessons cost but to open nothing f seems mean

Wonder if the OP will be back to update?
Doubt it.

Oh @shuggles 😞

@HwalkingL Does anyone mark your birthday as in any way special now?

No. Why would they?

Do you do anything for anyone on their birthday?

Card and a small something for parents and young children in the family.

Outside of that, why would I do anything for anyone? It's only a birthday.

So they didn’t want put more than a minute’s effort in to your birthday.

And you don’t have children.

Right, so as i say - very much explains your stance on this thread @shuggles

Does anyone mark your birthday as in any way special now? Do you do anything for anyone on their birthday?

Absolutely shocking! Glad your not my mum

@HwalkingL and you grew up with parents who essentially put a minute’s effort in to your birthday.

I was a 17 year old man. Not a stroppy 10 year old princess.

Same. I’d go without food for a week if I had to, to make sure that my DC had a nice birthday!

I just read some of the updates. Jesus this is sad. What’s wrong with you OP? Really. What is going on in your head?

How did you not know that you’re still meant to do little things to celebrate the day? Buying the main present early, does not mean that you’ve opted out of celebrating. Poor poor kid.

I’ll expect to post about a son going no contact in maybe two years time.

Yeah YATA. I appreciate the financially the majority of his present went into the driving lessons. But you always need to hold something back to pay for a small present to open on the day (even if it’s just a pair of nice socks) alongside a modest shop bought birthday cake and a couple of takeout pizza.

So you don’t have any kids

and you grew up with parents who essentially put a minute’s effort in to your birthday.

So this will be driving your view that parents marking their child’s birthday in anything approaching indulgence is almost sinful

That’s sad, I’m sorry.

Also, the time to ask the AIBU question would have been a few days before his actual birthday when you still had time to do something, not on the actual day when you suspect you know you’ve messed up because the poor kid has ‘seemed annoyed today’. Of course he’s annoyed - he’s probably gutted - fair play to him for not making it obvious!!

@HwalkingL do you have kids? If so, what did you do for their 17th? What did you parents used to do for your birthday in your teen years?

I used to be a 17 year old. From recollection, in my teen years, I would get a card and a choice of what to eat for dinner.

@NavySeal

This! ☝️ Christ, what a shit birthday for him.
We’ve done similar things for our teens in the past but always still made a fuss - card, cake, special meal/day, small token gift/s to open.