AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

Always something. Last year my ex asked my eldest what he wanted for his birthday, and my eldest, being the lovely, un-demanding kid he is, said there wasn't anything he really wanted - so ex got him nothing.

I meanwhile put up balloons/baked a cake, and put some thought in to figure out something he'd like even if he didn't know what he wanted (because he doesn't honestly need anything)

Always something. Even as an adult, who can buy my own stuff whenever I want, I remember being a bit sad when ex forgot my birthday (happened a few times). Doesn't need to be anything - even just a 'happy birthday!' and making me a cup of tea would have been something. For kids, I'll always make a bit of a fuss

You see the driving lessons as his birthday gift but was he aware of this??!

if paying towards driving lessons was agreed as a separate stand alone thing and no mention of this being his birthday present when agreeing this then YABVU to have not managed his expectations on this and I would be very pissed off with you as it would feel like my parents had made no effort at all. I don’t think this can be rectified with just a birthday dinner at this point- if I was him I prob wouldn’t want to go.

I think this is a wind up.

Not unreasonable if you have discussed with him in advance that that's the gift. It's about managing g expectations and being fair, and avoiding disappointment. I assume you got him a card.

Depending on what your family generally do by way of gifting, I probably would have got him some toiletries like shower gel to wrap up, not expensive, but in a sports brand or other brand used by his generation.

You see that as his birthday gift, but did you actually tell him when you paid for them that it was his birthday gift?
I would definitely still have gotten a small gift to open (or dinner), card and cake.

You pay for your 32 year old’s mobile phone contract every year?! Good god. No wonder Millennials are entitled, spoilt little brats.

Not unreasonable if you have discussed with him in advance that that's the gift. It's a out managing g expectations and being fair. . I assume you got him a card.

I probably would have got him some toiletries like shower gel to wrap up, not expensive, but in a sports brand or other brand used by his generation.

We did a printed homemade “voucher” for the value of the driving lessons we’d said we would pay (same as you were doing 50%). We wrapped the voucher in a box to open. Obviously we got a card and a couple of small bits to open - a book he wanted, gym towel and some sweets.
pretty mean to literally do nothing else at all!

I think it’s the lack of effort that’s jarring on everyone. It’s not the monetary value but the lack of enthusiasm to celebrate his birthday. Like if you put into minutes what you have done for his birthday what would that come to? I couldn’t get him nothing to open but also I’d have balloons and a meal etc

Perhaps get off the internet and spend some time with your son, then you’ll know if that’s ok rather than asking strangers who have never met him.

Very mean indeed. What’s wrong with buying a few token gifts? Or a meal out?

Seriously?? It’s his actual bday today and you haven’t thought about this until now? Driving lessons are expensive, admittedly, but you’re only paying for half of them, so it’s not exactly the most generous gesture in the world.

But the driving lessons aren’t a tangible gift or a surprise. I’m amazed you haven’t, at the very least, given him a card and suggested a meal out this evening or his favourite takeaway at home. To just suggest it on the actual day sounds like an afterthought though (which it is!). I would have given him a few token gifts to have something to open today: a huge bar of his favourite chocolate, a toiletries/grooming gift set, a book, a cool t-shirt, something like that. Does he have siblings, and have they given him gifts? To not give your child a physical gift on their birthday is very mean IMO. No wonder he’s a bit grumpy.

Good for you, have gold star 🌟

Not everyone is in such a fortunate financial position! Driving lessons are a privilege, not a right.

I couldn't get my kid nothing to open on the day though, even if I'd splashed out on some lessons they'd get a bar of chocolate or something token to make the day feel special.

Poor kid! Think you have been really tight with him.

Does he have presents from grandparents etc?

I feel like an actual car is quite different to half their driving lessons and literally nothing else which it sounds like OP has done. A car is an actual physical object

Id still give them something to open, even if just a box with car keys in or some L plates, a keyring or something just to indicate your present is a car and some driving lessons. And probably at least some chocolates

Definitely get a little token present to open.

Also I’d create some kind of ‘voucher’ for the driving lessons that can be wrapped up (even though he already knows) as it sinks in psychologically that he has received a significant present from you, even though it’s not tangible.

ETA just realised it’s actually today. Think it’s a bit remiss not to do anything to celebrate- definitely take him out for dinner! Also still do the above.

I'm waiting for the dripfeed that this son is violent or 'treats the house like a hotel'.

It was my DS’s 17th last week. We’re paying for his lessons. But I got him a cheap car cleaning kit and “new car scent” magic tree as something to open as a nod to the driving, and a box of Heroes chocs.

I couldn’t let him have his birthday morning with nothing to open! Just shows thought.

Driving lessons are a great present. But I think it’s a bit mean to not mark his birthday in any other way. No cake, card, favourite dinner?

I would still buy a few presents, a cake and do something for his Birthday, but appreciate everyone’s different

Wow! How sad that you even have to ask! I get my son his yearly mobile phone contract every year but still get him some chocs/smellies/book etc to open on the day! He’s 32. Poor kid!

I agree with this. My 17th present was a car. The lessons were a given.

I think you should still get him a few bits to open, card etc. I took DD10 to Paris for her birthday but still got her a few bits to open

It's shit behaviour on your part.

I think that's really mean. You're not even paying for the lessons, just half.

Except you're only paying for half his lessons. Stingy.