AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

Driving lessons can be a mixed bag of a present. I guess it's down to expectations . My parents bought me 5 driving lessons when I was 17. I was the eldest child. They were reasonably comfortably off but were not big on gifting at my birthday as it is few days after Christmas, so that was the gift, plus a card.

I had the 5 lessons and that was that. I spent the next couple of years wondering if I was expected to have learnt and passed my test with those 5 lessons. It was a combined feeling of failure and disappointment to me at the time as my Saturday job didn't pay enough to purchase any extra lessons at the time. I did start work at 18, and saved up for further lessons and passed at 19 after I had left home.

I guess my parents might have realised I had been disappointed, as they paid for my younger siblings to have all lessons needed to pass their tests while they were at school, My sister was even added to their car insurance and got to drive on holiday in France with them a few weeks after passing her test . I have to admit I was a tad envious at the time but it was nice for her to have got her licence before she left home.

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Just because you’re a miserable sod doesn’t mean we all have to be.

And yes OP you sound a bit mean. It’s not even the monetary value and I appreciate that lessons are expensive. But you sound a bit uninterested or cut off from him somehow. Not too late to book a dinner though and give him a card, some chocs and a wee token gift.

They can still get a cake and a card, and make it a surprise. Also, they can get him a gift card if they can’t find a gift at short notice.

This is such a weird thread. I mean why are you even asking a bunch of random strangers, whether YOU are being mean over YOUR OWN son’s birthday gifts??

My DS was 18 earlier in the year. He asked for money, as was going on his first holiday with his mates later on. Money was transferred over. But I also bought him a big bag of his favourite sweets, a funny card, shower stuff, an M&S birthday doughnut and an assortment of his favourite Chocs and some car air fresheners( he had just bought his first car). I also made him a cake.

To have nothing to open or enjoy, is just plain mean imo.

He’s your child, how can we know what he’d appreciate? I think going out for a meal is nice, but having something to open might be important for him. Only you as his parent can know this.

I think it's nice to have something to open, just some chocolates or a book. Does he have gifts from other people, OP?

I think you are very cruel. What is it about you that you could not just get a card and a cake ?

You seem to be very apathetic about your child's birthday. Don't you want to 'celebrate' him and give him a nice birthday?

Bit late for that though isn’t it, he already knows she’s both bothered and his birthday is half way through.

Absolutely THIS.
I cannot imagine not giving my most treasured person something on their birthday.
I pay for their driving lessons anyway as I’m their parent. Fs.

Ok, I get that we all have different budgets but for the life of me, I can’t understand even ASKING if this is reasonable.

There is plenty you can do to make his day special if you’re short of money.

My DC just turned 18 and I spent hours finding really special, meaningful things for them.
Why? Because I LOVE them.

This is just cruel.

Yes as his birthday present! It cost me £5 a month on utility warehouse. I don’t think £60 is excessive for a gift. I can easily afford it, whereas he is working g full time, paying his own mortgage and bills on his own for his own house so doesn’t have a lot of spare cash as a single homeowner. Hardly an entitled spoiled brat! Jeez some people are so f’ing mean. He shops at Aldi, has a cheap second hand car and rarely goes on holiday. Some of us actually love our kids enough to give them a little help along the way instead of being Gen X with no mortgage, plenty of disposable income and a child still living at home 🤣

I did 10 driving lessons (and im skint) for 17th and him the rest, but still the usual cake, smellies, snacks etc, stuff from his sister and takeaway tea. Hes walking around annoyed because it doesn't seem like much of an effort. We also paid for theory x 2 and the practical test.

Yeah, as other people said, driving lessons as a present is fine but I can see why he’s annoyed. I’d do a card, a special breakfast, a couple of small things like a book or a chocolate, cake / nice dinner in the evening etc.

Take the poor lad out

Well isn’t that great if you can afford it. Absolutely no need to try and shame the OP!!

OP, as others suggested a card, cake & his favourite tea/takeaway will probably do him fine. Maybe some small token things, aocks/pants/smellies that don’t cost a lot.

he is probably more than grateful for the driving lesson help

Your posts read like you barely know him and don’t understand how to navigate birthdays?! He’s been your son for 17 years, this isn’t new territory. I feel very sorry for the lad.

Why are you being so cold towards him? Are you one of those parents counting down the days until he’s 18 and your think your job is done

Poor kid. He’s 17, of course he wants to unwrap a few bits and feel special. It’s not about the money, and I don’t think at that age being taken out for dinner feels like a present either. Why couldn’t you have brought him some L plates, a toy car, some chocs, some socks, a new rucksack or wallet or a nice belt, or a collection of small things like that if money isn’t the issue, so he felt like you’d made an actual effort?

My parents treated my birthdays like non events. It made me feel really uncared for, even though I know (more in retrospect than at the time) that they loved me very much. It just didn’t feel like it in those sorts of moments and I found it really hurtful that they thought I was ungrateful for that sort of ‘gift’.

I wouldn’t routinely spend £100 on an adult child’s birthday present, unless it was a milestone birthday. A gift of some sort is fine, but paying for a mobile phone contract is something you do for a teenager, not a grown-ass man. Let him take responsibility for his own expenses ffs. Buy him socks or aftershave or take him out for a curry.

Did you seriously not even get him a couple of little gifts to open?

Did you tell him the driving lessons were his birthday present? If not I think you should get him something small to open on the day.

That's your son..... A token gift! Everyone likes something to open on their birthday!

Just because you’ve bought him half of his driving lessons, doesn’t mean you can’t make a fuss. I’d feel awful if someone in my house was annoyed on their birthday. Did you do a card? Make a cake? Make him coffee or breakfast?

I would have got him
a little present-a top or L plates or a book or something! Go and talk to him and ask if he wants to go out for dinner or something he loves for dinner or have friends over or something.

I wouldn’t have just done that and nothing else, no. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just a bit of a fuss.

Yabu, you're not even giving him the driving lessons as a present because he's paying half himself.