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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

563 replies

Mostlywilliow · 22/04/2026 15:03

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/09/2026 02:01

Well I hope that is a lesson to you! To take your small children away with you next time, instead of leaving them at home and going away on the holiday you booked for them!

Seriously, glad you had a super time! And very well done on the whatsup group plan, I would never have thought of that!

somewhereovertherainbow26 · 14/09/2026 02:17

You should be doing the absolute bare minimum of communciation with your ex. He will not change and he enjoys causing you distress. The only way to get any revenge on him at all is to absolutely blank him, no response, no emotion, nothing. You should be using a parenting app to communicate with him if possible too, and then block him everywhere else.

And of course the kids will be fine.

fuckeditupbadly · 14/09/2026 07:06

Thats fantastic OP. I'm so pleased. I'd love for the posters who think you're terrible to come back. I assume though that they still wont have read the details properly and think you abandoned your kids, deprived them.of a holiday to run off with a 'new man'. Brilliant idea on the visitors dropping in etc.

shalva · 14/09/2026 07:09

Glad it all went well.. Just read the full thread now..Cant believe some of the negative comments! and why dont people read the whole thread!!!

Scully01 · 14/09/2026 08:08

Can I just say I love your style of writing? Are you a writer, you're very witty.

RandomMess · 14/09/2026 09:10

I’m convinced the DC are all deeply traumatised and will need decades of therapy to come to terms with being abandoned.

🤣

Raspberrywhite · 14/09/2026 09:30

Great result all round.
Well done.

Silvers11 · 14/09/2026 09:58

That's fabulous news @Mostlywilliow So glad you had a good time and the kids survived very well, while you were away, by the sound of it!

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 14/09/2026 10:33

Sounds like you and your vagina had a wonderful time OP! I hope you us the money saved on this trip for the inevitable trauma counselling your DC will need after this abandonment 🙄honestly, this thread was fucking mad.

I'm a nanny and so many of you would have palpitations at how often I nanny whilst parents go on well deserved holidays leaving their literal babies behind...I'm currently laying on the sofa in the house of an old boss while they're sunning themselves in the last bit of Italian sun whilst I'm with their 2,6 and 10 year olds...who will be fine...never mind the OPs almost fucking adult children.

Honestly, some of you are fucking mental

Icedvanillacoffee · 14/09/2026 10:49

I loved your thread OP. I really enjoyed the ghastly people having a go at you and your responses.
Im pleased you had a great time on your hols. I wonder if you had considered working with teenagers professionally as you have great game. I loved the neighbours dropping in to check in the evenings.
And your ex is the most colossal twat, well done on leaving him all those years ago.

Theeternalrocksbeneath · 14/09/2026 10:49

Thank you for the update OP, I’m so glad you had a fabulous time!

I also want to add that I too adore your writing style and have very much enjoyed your numerous responses to the many bat shit crazy comments inflicted on your post. In fact, I’m convinced if I met you in real life I’d instantly demand you be my BFF and take me on your next cruise.

i don’t know if the insane remarks or your witty rebuttals amused me more. However since we’re now besties I’m coming down on Team OP 😄

LaurieFairyCake · 14/09/2026 12:39

Ridiculous thread! The OP being criticised while the ex does FUCK ALL.

Enjoy your holiday, your teenagers will be obviously completely find Flowers

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/09/2026 13:11

That sounds amazing and your parenting sounds amazing. Neither sound quite as amazing as all the godforsaken martyrs on this thread who would never ever leave their teenage children for so much as 10 minutes and think you’re an abusive mum if you do, never mind the actually useless and actually abusive dad doing fuck all. Go away and cosset your milkfed permanent toddlers, all of you. You are guilty of looking at a screen while being a parent - be very ashamed. Next you’ll be booking your own holiday…

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