Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

Maybe I am mean but I wouldn’t give this a second thought. My god we give these teens so much of ourselves and our money! Even if they did want to go tough luck! Dd2 quite wanted to come on my recent holiday but didn’t get to hey ho.

Woman here! 🤔!

So it’s ok to call SS?

He’s a twat and you only get what you deserve!

You are getting a really hard time here - from all the perfect parents

being a single parent is tough. I def don’t reliese how hard and tiring it is and I don’t get any overnights/free time due to his behaviour /safe guarding

you booked a good deal holiday expecting them to be at school. But term dates changed

you arranged for a nanny to come who the kids know to supervise them an make sure home isn’t wrecked

I’ve been that nanny when parents went skiing tho kids younger

ex sounds an arse. They always are. Esp the rich ones who don’t went pay for their kids but equally don’t want to see them and can’t even manage one night a week

the vagina reply literally made me spit out my cuppa

you are allowed time off being a 24/7 solo parent with your partner of 5yrs and have holiday of your choice (sounds hell to me, prefer sunbathing)

as long as also take kids away as well which I’m sure (hope) you are doing

have a fab time

Every time I see "Man here!" now I just think it must be someone larking about. I might be wrong though.

Walking boots? Sounds to me that you're not going to have much time to break in a pair of walking boots ....

Holy fuck! I Feel Your Pain OP!!!!!!!!!!

I am probably way too late to the party OP (and what a blast it has been!), but I have whiled away some of a sleepless night in reading your posts. I haven't read all of the replies, as some of them were causing me to be slightly hysterical.

So, I have to say that I have been astonished at the constant and repeated criticisms and questions posted by people who clearly haven't had the good grace to even THINK about catching up. You have the patience of a saint. Really.

Anyway, some thoughts.

Firstly, you must go on this holiday (and don't forget to pack your vagina, obvs). Do not let anyone push you into not going.

Secondly, take the kids. (Sorry, only joking - left the 'don't out.)

Thirdly, stick to your guns with the kids. They obvs can't stay on their own. I wonder if you can be strict on this one, which in turn might make any future plans easier. Just a thought.

Before I go, I do want to congratulate you whole heartedly in ditching the ex fuckwit. It sounds as though he's trying button pushing. I had a lot of that sort of nonsense from my ex. I didn't rise to it when possible which seriously pissed him off. It worked for me.

Take care and enjoy the holiday.

Doesn't sound like either of you will be up for any "parent of the year" awards anytime soon.

Ignore the men & their cheerleaders. This is post separation coercive control.

"The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 provides legal protection against ex-partners, extending to include post-separation abuse such as stalking, harassment, and coercive control. It legally recognizes that abuse often continues after a relationship ends, including economic and psychological abuse."

If you want to go in hard, log it with police. If you want to give him a chance to reflect & change, have a solicitor send him a letter pointing out the relevant parts of the DA Act.

Why?

Honestly don’t give them air time. I’m not aiming for parent of the year but parent that is present and there. Go on your holiday. Not like your leaving the house with no food and your 17 yr old in charge

I hope you have an amazing holiday OP. I remember my parents going away when I was 16, my siblings and I had all the Good Ideas! My siblings were older teens/twenties before someone accuses my folks of being terrible parents!

My parents left me in charge of my younger brother when I was 14 and they went away. My brother decided to put a tin of spaghetti on the stove. He didn’t think to open it and put the contents in a saucepan. Luckily he was out of the room when it detonated, as the contents would have been like lava. There was stinking, burnt spaghetti in tomato sauce EVERYWHERE. Luckily he was much taller than me and was able to bleach the ceiling with a mop and bucket.

Yes. When he lost his bid for sole custody he essentially said that he was walking away and he would explain what a wonderful father he had been, how I had alienated him and was the root of all evil when they were ‘old enough to understand’. I refused to accept that for them and always encouraged them to call him as a minimum. They weren’t happy to spend time with him but they were okay with telephone contact and I never wanted them to feel that I had dropped them from knowing him … it suited him. Minimum effort. Moonpig online birthday cards. Bank transfer gifts and the excitement that he would one day be able to tell them how absolutely awful, crazy and vicious their Mother is. Luckily his new wife who has never met me was able to back him up and help him attempt to throw me under the bus 🙄

I imagine having to hold your own against a coercive, batshit ex has helped you hold stead against all the bonkers replies on here.

OP it is unfortunate the dates didn't match.
It is unfortunate the kids aren't happy.

But enjoy your holiday anyway.

Teens gonna teen, they're rarely happy.

Realistically they have 3 choices:

• Nice adult housesitter staying for the week that they know (and that you know is dbs checked), while they can game in their rooms and continue their general day to day lives.

• All 3 come with you on a lovely historical walking holiday with trains. (I also have a gamer, he'd rather cut off his hands than attend this kind of holiday, even though he quite likes trains!).

• They stay at their dad's house for a week and he takes a week of holidays/parental leave/sick pay and does all the day to day stuff from his house while you are away. They may or may not like this option. Dad will definitely not! And won't agree to it.

Present these 3 options to them as young adults/teens. Then just hold tight against their and exes kicking off. 🙄

You could also formally log with ex (and the school safeguarding lead) that these options were presented to the children (and ex) and you would have been supportive of any of those choices the kids making.

Ignore any threats of safeguarding, vexatious reports, him winding the kids up, etc.

A 16 year old could have left home. The others are also mature enough to be left, but maybe not mature enough to be left without supervision. No one is being harmed in this scenario except your Ex’s sense of entitlement.

I'd love an OP update on this. OP id you ever read this, I hope you had a brilliant time and did entirely the right thing.

😀

Your kids are almost adults, even the youngest is only 3 years away, it would have been preferable to have them stay with friends though.
I am surprised an earlybird discount was that profound TBH I have booked literally hundreds of holidays and it is rarely more than 20%.
Your ex sounds like a complete nightmare but usually in these cases there is quite a lot of blame on both sides- my parents were like this when they split up , but TBH they were both as bad as each other.

Yes, I hope she had a really nice time.

Dont tell him anything. Enjoy your holiday.

Respectfully this isn't true.
My daughter came home one day and told me her lovely classmate was very upset in the loo with another classmate.

Turns out her lovely wealthy professional father is a prick.
He's a bully and bullies his wife.
In a fit of annoyance at his wife, he picked up something and threw it at her, aimed poorly and his his 16 year old daughter in the side of her face.
He apologised immediately to her, and blamed his wife.

The classmate brought her straight to the Year Head, who involved the Principal and the Safeguarding Lead.

The year head called her mother, told her she would be reporting it to school safe guarding, social services and it would be reported to the police as the child had a mark to her face.

Her father was out of that house that evening.
His wife rang him and told him the school were taking her assault very seriously and social services and the police were now involved.

He moved out immediately.
Immediate separation and she filed for divorce.
He never returned home.
Nothing futher came from the police or social services as is often the case where money is involved, but he never returned home.

His lovely wife has said that awful as it was for her daughter, it ended the nightmare for her and the children.
He was a complete bully.
He was and will always be associated with this as the gossip was immense.

Brilliant @Mostlywilliow !

Let me guess, your teenagers haven't been scarred for life while you were away for a week?