AIBU for not wanting to cancel our holiday for baby shower?

Pleased this is resolved - no way should the holiday be cancelled- but intrigued that baby’s grandfather (?) would be invited to a baby shower given that I thought they were for women! I didn’t have one, it all sounds ghastly

We as in you and the dad

so he is missing the baby shower

In all honesty I'd be thankful you've got an excuse not to go. Nobody needs to go to a baby shower.

I think baby showers and gender reveals are awful and I certainly wouldn’t cancel a holiday to go to one. Come to that I’m not a fan of christenings either (unless parents are genuinely religious)

You choose to go on holiday and let him choose what he wants to do. Then there's no real issue by the sounds of it.

God I can’t believe they’ve escalated to involve men now. I guess more American nonsense; men, gender reveals… Then everyone has to get together again with more gifts when the baby is born. Grabby and self indulgent.

Most baby showers I've been to recently have had both men and women. They're a casual get-together - a BBQ in the park or a function room at a cafe. There's no cringey games, just a chance to catch up before life changes for the couple.

Having said that, of course you can't miss your holiday for this. If they wanted you there, they would have checked the date with you. If you have to travel to it, you're better off going at another time when you can spend quality time with the daughter, not at a shower when there will be lots of people and divided attention.

Men do go to baby showers, I went one once recently where Dad and Uncle went.

Like them or not they are here, and seem increasingly common in the younger generation.

Parents will often choose their Child over their partner .. so in this case the only thing OP needs to work out is what she does when he does that.

Controlling arse can make a decision then.

Go on holiday. He can do the baby shower. He can decide if his partner or the baby shower are more important.

He doesn't get to tell you anything.

They have only given a possible date so what if you cancel the trip and they change the date! On the basis holiday has been booked for months, that there would be no refund and that cancelling impacts the friends you would be going with and the fact that baby showers are grabby and shite I would definitely not be going. If the daughter is at all reasonable and not over indulged and bratty she will accept that not everyone will be able to attend. She’s having a baby which is lovely but to be brutally honest it’s not even born people would rather celebrate an actual born, real living baby they have met.

Its sad to see a father who cares so little about his own daughter. That you think his first grandchild is so unimportant really tells us a lot about how little involvement you've had in his children's lives since your marriage.

I would never cancel my holiday for a bay shower

Your partner needs to say it’s a shame you didn’t check the date with us first, you knew we’d booked a holiday ages ago

I’d say to him “I get that this is important but the holiday was booked 8 months ago AND we will lose all the money and mess friends about” and see what he says. Ask him what he suggests. If he wants neither of you go, he can reimburse you what you will have lost money-wise. At that point you can suggest you go and he stays home (leave the arrangements in place just in case he decided to go after all). Although it tells me this kind of thing will keep happening @magicseahorse and finding your arrangements are always disposable
is incredibly frustrating!

Ditto.
Baby showers/reveals are ridiculous non-events designed to consumerise pregnancy and normalise greed.
No chance I would be changing a holiday for one.

Here it is from the husband's point of view

LINK

Why have you posted this again?

This is what I would do

It’s a baby shower & your holiday has been booked for months …. I can’t believe he thinks you should cancel a long ago booked holiday for an afternoon event that they arranged without checking you were free

I would be glad to have a bona fide excuse not to go

I wouldn't even cancel a holiday for my own baby shower (if someone surprised me) let alone anyone else's

I would explain that you cant let your friends down when this has been booked and that if he wants to
go to the baby shower he goes alone TBH I find it weird men are going it’s usually a woman only affair with silly games and pretty food

I don't think the idea of baby showers is a modern idea...

People always quick to blame the Americans for everything they don't like (see Halloween and Eater Bunny too...)

Baby showers are greedy grabbing drama fests. Go on holiday.

I have raised 5 children and have literally never known anyone to have a baby shower. Its a load of chavvy American bollocks, and so cringy. It's as if they think their baby is the first baby anyone has ever had, its so grabby and "faux-celebrity". Along with hen parties that cost the same as a family holiday!! Everyone needs to get over themselves imo. Hope you enjoy your looked-forward to weekend away!